Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

mayziegal asked...

Twinkie - as always, you give the bestest advice!

My question is: Do you thinks it's morally wrong to destuff stuffies? If so, is there a treatment facility that I can checks myself into?

Thank you, thank you for helping to spread the word abouts my contest that starts tomorrow! I'm so excited! I hopes we raise lotsa green papers!

Wiggles & Wags,
Mayzie

TVT: Immoral? Destuffing is a necessity. Do you not need oxygen to be able to breathe? Does the earth not turn? Have you stopped enjoying dog treats? Of course not. Well, guess what, the destuffication of stuffies is vital to all of us. Get rid of your inhibitions and hang ups and enjoy the most natural thing in the world. And congratulations on your 201 (and still increasing) guesses! And for those who don't know what I'm talking about, do stop by Mayzie's blog, you will not regret it.

Mayzie demonstrating a tickling and a destuffing technique!

Frankie Furter asked...

Twinkie... all this talk of (SHUDDER) SQUIRRELS...
I will have trouble sleeping now. As you will see in a few days... I am SURE that Squirrels are out to GET ME!!! They are everywhere I look. BAH and DOUBLE BAH!!!!
SOOOO NOW HERE IS MY QUESTION FOR THE WEEK...
I have to go away for a few days. I left pre-posts, butt I can't let my comments just appear, beclaws I have gotten three more Alien Comments this week!!!
Sooooo Is there anything else I can do to keep my furends from furgetting me while I am in Pencil Vane E Ah ???? I really worry about this. One can Never afford to lose a furend, you know.

TVT: Dearest Frankie, you worry too much. You worry about everything from comments to squirrels. I understand because you're such a caring and sensitive dude, but you must relax a bit. Chill. All the aliens want is to enjoy your blog too. Welcome the invasion for now and when you get back, exterminate them. That simple. Go have fun and don't think for a minute that your friends will forget you. You're quite memorable. 

Case in point

hero asked...

You're the wise one, Twinkie... and you have a funny bone in you too :)... I love your advice.

Q: How do I convince my hoomans that I don't need to bathe once a week, only when necessary, say if I fall into cat poop sewage.

Licks, hero

TVT: I know, I know, Hero. I'm painfully aware of your bathing issue. I must say I empathize. I suggest you give my dog training tips a shot. Convince your bipeds that baths must all be accompanied by your favorite edibles. After they've mastered this skill, start rolling in cat poop regularly. In the least, you'll be getting more baths and more treats this way. Have fun rolling! 

I'd first remove my tie though

Life With Dogs asked...

Brilliant Q&A session as always. Now that I think about it, I do have one question: what is this burning sensation Nigel is always complaining about after he visits those unscrupulous Poodles at the dog park? ;)

TVT: That's an easy one. Nigel is painfully aware of poor Sola's botched spay job . . . that you've got hanging over his head. Nigel's condition is obviously psychosomatic because you've put the fear of Dog in him. 

Relax, Nigel

Frankie asked…

Hey, Twink. You announced the other day that I was fully potty trained. Guess again. Mommy found my secret bathrooms yesterday. Does this mean I'm not fully potty trained yet?

TVT: You bratwurst! Is that why we can't breathe in our home lately? I'm going to share my small dog potty training tips with mommy. You obviously need to be restricted at this point. It would also help if you'd start eating like a dog instead of an Orik vacuum cleaner. Tsk tsp… Canine Good Citizen my-ami! Excuse my language.

Guilty chiweenie

Mango asked…

Dear Miss Twinkie,
I had a date with Miss Tula this week, but halfway through the date this smokin hot burned yeast mountain dog showed up and I sang her my Mango love song. Tula was quite chuffed and used HBO words with me. What did I do wrong?

Slobbers,
Mango

TVT: Yikes, we all know that the Mango can be weak at times, but singing to another lady was rather rude--even for you. Besides, you left out the parts where you had your back turned on her. I highly recommend you turn to Frankie Flirter for advice on dating. This is just an advice column, not a rehab center. Next time you two meet, if she agrees to that, I would focus my attentions on Tula (and only Tula). I would book the entire room just of the two of you. This way you will make her feel special and you won't be tempted. Keep us posted.  

Things to avoid in the future

Now go take on the day!

Twinkie

Small Dog Potty Training Tips

It is not a simple task getting a small dog potty trained. I would go as far as to suggest to skip outdoor potty training during cold weather, because your tiny dog will most likely pick a warm corner of your home, couch, bed ... During the cold winter months, you're better off using an indoor dog potty, such as the infamous wee pads or potty pads. You can purchase Four Paws Wee Wee Housebreaking Pads 100/Pkg in bulk and garnish your floors with them. There's really no point in lining your dog's crate with them because if you've decided to go with crate training, your dog will not use the bathroom in his enclosed tight quarters. There are numerous similar indoor dog potty inventions in the market, like the Mini Pup Head Indoor Portable Dog Potty (Toilet) and the UGODOG Indoor Dog Potty

Of course, you can also use cat litter boxes filled with commercial litter or shredded newspaper, or if you have floors that are easy to clean, just plain newspaper on the ground will suffice. The goal is to get your puppy potty trained as soon as possible.

Some people prefer using dog diapers, aka dog potty pads or wraps, such as Happy Jack Male Dog Belly Wrap especially with male dogs that like to mark. There are too many dog diaper options to choose from from disposable dog diapers to cloth washable ones.

To our issue now, how to potty train a puppy, especially when it's a small breed. Keep in mind that the main difference between potty training a regular sized dog and a small dog is the fact that small breeds' accidents go by undetected. That means that even though you can't see or smell the damage, your dog will continue to visit until the smell is eradicated. There are many methods to get rid of the odor, but my favorite is cheap ol' white vinegar (which I buy in bulk at my local Costco). It breaks down the enzymes in the urine that attract your dog. The other difference is the size of your dog's bladder. Need I say more?

Start by limiting your new puppy's living quarters, regardless of whether you'll be using a crate or not. Make sure his sleeping and eating quarters are kept clean and are separated from the designated potty area.

If you go the crate route, rest assured that your pooch's potty training will speed up. All dogs have an instinctive desire to do their business away from their den. Crate training a puppy is the way to go, in my opinion.

Use your puppy's pee. Soak up some on a towel and dab it on the area you designate as your dog's bathroom. The scent will help him find his way.

Supervise. Watch your dog like a hawk. The fewer initial accidents the better chance of success.

Use a schedule. This one is for you to figure out, based on your personal/work schedule and your dog's feeding schedule. A dog as young as four months may require a dozen trips to the bathroom. Usually, it's a good rule of thumb to take your puppy potty a few minutes after a meal. You can also opt to ration water and food during this phase of the potty training. This will give you more control of the schedule.

Patience and repetition are your best friends during dog potty training. Small dogs are more challenging to housebreak, and certain breeds like the chiweenie are notoriously difficult.

I would like to conclude today's potty training tips with a reminder. Regardless which route you pick, consistency is the main factor in dog potty training.

Twinkie

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A Dog Advice Column

Tank asked...

Dear Miss Twinkietinydog, I need some of your sage advice. I'm very disturbed and perplexed that there are dogs among us who think that squirrels are cute... yes, you read that correctly. I've never understood this. Are these dogs impostors? Do they have psychological problems? Have they been brainwashed? Are they just morons? And how should they be dealt with? Should I write a letter? If so, to whom? The President? My Congressman? Animal Planet? Sarah McLachlan? Nigel Buggers? Who? I hope you can point me in the right direction.
Sincerely yours,
Tank

TVT: Dear Mr Tank and your two cents, I believe that squirrel issues are secondary to your house arrest and numerous violations, but since only an attorney can help you with your unlawful activities let me respond to your question. You're barking up the wrong tree, dude. I'm a squirrel aficionado. Yup, yup, not afraid to scream it to the world. Squirrels were placed on this earth for us. They are our entertainment and a great means to get exercise on a boring day in our own back yards. What would we chase if it wasn't for squirrels valiantly offering themselves to us? Birds? They fly too fast and too high. I am sorry to be so blunt, my friend, but I know you have an open mind and will consider my response before rejecting it. 

Wanted

Twix asked...

Twink, you are the smartest dog on the planet. No, really, I mean it! I'm not too sure about having my own column....that is a bit scary for a shy girl like me.
Ok, here is a silly question for you....who is smarter, an idiot or a moron?
Now, my serious question....Do you think I am considered a cougar since Hero is my main man?
Love ya girlie!
Snuggles,
Twix

TVT: I looked up the definition for moron and idiot on several dictionaries and the consensus seems to be that both mean "stupid". I kept digging however and found the scientific answer on no other but Urban Dictionary. Here it goes: Moron is a a dog whose IQ lies between 45 and 59. A moron is slightly stupider than a retarded dog (60-69) but still smarter than an idiot (below 45). A moron is smarter than an idiot. 

As for you being a cougar . . . I can't say I blame you. Not only is Hero a gorgeous (only eight years younger than you) Sharpei, he has also recently gained access to Korean Barbecue dinners. If you guys have a falling out, please slip him my blog address. 

Twix's Hero

Frankie Furter asked...

Twinkie you never fail us. Do you have to nap between answers?? I know I would.
Now about having me give advice about Love... I'm thinkin' that you should ask Ruby and Penny. Those two are sooooo smart. They just turn me into mush and I don't even know how they do it. Magic perhaps.

TVT: Dear Frankie Flirter, yes, I do have to nap between answers and sometimes during them as well. Just like you do after your SP. We both need to get our rack time because it does wonders for our look. Speaking of our good looks, I suggest you get rid of the burrs in your furs asap (Ruby and Penny might stop by for a visit).

Tsk tsk

houndstooth asked...

Great advice yet again, Twink!

I just have one question. How can I convince Mom to let me off the leash so I can show that neighborhood tree rat who's boss?

Bunny

TVT: Dear Bun Bun, I believe you get off-leash-time more than any other greyhound I've ever met. You guys get to run off leash on tennis courts, you visit the dog parks "a lot" (your words) . . . What I'm getting at is that so far you've done a most excellent job training your humans. Now it's just a matter of time. For the next few weeks, heel a lot and when you see a squirrel try not to react. This way you'll earn your humans' trust. Once you have mastered this step, you'll be off leash and the rest is up to you. 

All that's missing from this photo are the actual tree rats

Lola asked...

Twinkie, you've produced a column full of wisdom, yet again. I wonder if you have any ideas on how to get my Alpha Mom to move a little (a lot) faster when we're on walks together? I feel bad having to pull her along like I do, but we're never going to catch up with any squirrels at the pace she seems to prefer.

wags, Lola

TVT: Well, my dear Lola, if you had traffic sense, you'd gain more freedoms. Try to stay on the sidewalk next time you go out for a (slow) walk. I suggest you work on that and see what happens. Meanwhile, I shall keep my paws crossed for you. I also want to suggest that during one of your talks with Blog Mom you open up to her. Pour your heart out and ask for your own back yard squirrel feeder. This way, you don't have to worry about ever having to leave your yard for some good squirrel hunting. 

It would help if you looked up!

JackDaddy asked again...

You give such good advice. Are you sure your name isn't really Abby?

TVT: My full name is Abby Normal, among others . . . Now, go "fetch"!

Jack "fetching"

Frankie The Chiweenie asked...

I don't get it. Why are you blogging about fleas on dogs instead of potty training tips?

TVT: Because, my dear cracker sissy, getting rid of fleas is possible whereas chiweenie potty training, in your case, is improbable.

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ asked...

Twink, you do such a wonderful job with your column. We love all your answers. We really think you should expand your column to be published in the media across the world.

Ciara wants to know what she can do to have some fun while she is in this ummm"delicate" condition?

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

TVT: First off, we must refer to your sissy as Ms. Ciara from now on. The little girl is growing up. I see you've exhausted all possibilities regarding Ciara's new lingerie. I always look for the easiest way to get my fun, and I suggest Ciara does too. Duct-tape is a lot of fun but so is coloring the beautiful light beige carpets! When the heat is on, the heat is on! 

Ms Ciara

Dory and the Mama asked...

You give out the bestest advice Twink. I have a question for you. I am trying to become a squirrel hunter like Dory, the Great Squirrel Huntress and bestest sister in the land. Which training schools should I apply to??

Snuggles,
Jacob, Dory's new brother

TVT: FYI there are many academies offering both Bachelors and Graduate degrees in squirrel hunting. I highly recommend USC (University of Squirrel Chasing) located near my home in Southern California, they even offer a doctorate program. If you're not interested in a degree though, try to get Dory to share her trade secrets and of course I welcome you to my home where we enjoy an abundance of fresh squirrels and get plenty of practice. We can log your hours and make them count towards your own Squirrel Hunter Certificate. 

The undefeated squirrel vigilantes

Before I go, I want to spread the news: Mayzie's deee-nay-nay test results have come in and she's directly related to George Washington. Please stop by her blog to participate in her super cool, exciting, titillating contest, one that will benefit a great cause.

Now go take on the day!

Twinkie

Chiweenie Friday (15) - Dog Obedience Training

I went to dog obedience training yesterday to learn some new moves and to practice for my AKC Canine Good Citizen test and it went really really well.

This is me, the Chiweenie demonstrating how timid I am generally

Consider this my personal dog training tip

I am rather submissive

This is my furiend, Dexter the Doxie

For a easily frightened dog, like my chiweenie self, the real challenge regarding the Canine Good Citizen test is overcoming my fears (and the fact that for this test mommy is not allowed to use treats). The test is not so hard. I get evaluated on a pass/fail basis. Most items I need to learn are simple. I have to be able to sit/stay, do down/stay, sit politely for petting, allow a stranger to groom me, walk on a loose leash, and sit down on command. No problem. Where dog obedience training gets tough for me is the following training items: walking through a crowd and  reaction to another dog and distractions. Those require a certain amount of bravery I have yet to master. I'll know more next Wednesday the day I take my Canine Good Citizen exam. 

Meanwhile, I have my two sissies to protect me. 

I ask my tiny tea cup chihuahua sissy to fight my battles

btw this is the friendliest blue heeler in the world and her name is Sage

And I hide behind my larger, dalmatian and german shothaired pointer sissy

for protection

Regardless, we all do the best we can in this life and my mommy appreciates it. This is the email we got from my superb and funny and adorable trainer, the fabulous Ms Cyndy Wood.

"Frankie's test is next week but she deserves recognition for completing, and very successfully I might add, the CGC class.  So, with Pomp & Circumstances playing in the background, this is in honor of Frankie's stellar performance as a Canine Good Citizen.

Congratulations to Ms. Frankie and to her able handler!  What a great team you are!"

She even sented me a virtual star!!! I will cherish this email and save it among my most prized possessions. What I haven't mentioned yet is that my trainer is a firm believer in Positive Training for Dogs and Their People. I'm so lucky! Mom loves this philosophy and swears to use it on all dog obedience training from now on. I agree 100%. Thank you Ms Wood and mommy. 

One final word about the Canine Good Citizen exam. There is an automatic failure rule if we, the students, eliminate during testing, we must be marked fail. As you know, chiweenie puppies are not simple to potty train. Puppy potty training is not that easy on most small dogs. If anybody has any potty training tips to share, now is a good time. 

Stay not out of touch and I'll have the exam results next week.

Frankie

Dog Photo Contest | Election Day

FOR TWINKIE

Apparently, the Sporty Dog Category over at Mango Minster 2010 has exceeded all expectations. It is huge! Due to my tiny-ness, I always feel a certain disadvantage. Seriously, what if you can't find me? Therefore, after much deliberation (after seeing the incredible dog photo contest competition), I decided to give you a brief explanation as to why I deserve to win my part of the category. I sure hope Judge Moose swings by here before he is faced with his incredibly hard decision. I also hope he has forgiven my behavior at Key West. It wasn't me, Your Honor. It was the cervezas!

A trip down a good Sporty Dog's memory lane. I, Twinkie Twinkerson, am a good sport because:

I am an amazing guard

I am really tough! Na na nana na!
Catch me if you can, you rottweiler, you...

My feet don't always have to touch the ground

I can ride horses bareback

I can also ride bikes

I am a terrific dancer
This is the tea cup chihuahua dance, if you want to know

I am fully trained if anybody needs any potty training tips

I am funny

I have a great sense of humor

I'm a pawesome stalker

I love my chiweenie sissy

I never give up on a piece of duck,
or any dog treat for that matter

I did put up with this!

I know how to share

Bottom line, I'm just so darn cute!

So, what do you say? Sold?

Twink!

Chiweenie Potty Training Tips | Murphy's Law

The basic statement of Murphy's Law is "If anything can go wrong, it will." It has enough variations to fill at least one book. Let me explain why my interest in ol' Murphy; Frankie, my puppy chiweenie sissy. That's my reason. Momma has been asking me for the past two days to post to our friends that Frankie is finally potty trained. BOL Hasn't she heard of Murphy's Law? I finally agreed and promised to post tonight about Frankie's success in controlling her bladder (by the way, she graduated from her dog obedience training class and even got a silly star stuck on her forehead to prove it). All of a sudden, I heard the familiar and special scolding voice our mother uses on Frankie.

Ha ha. Can you all see the wet spot on the bed covers? I am a witness to the fact that our momma has washed both quilts and cover at least one to five times a week, since Frankie became a part of our family. This chiweenie puppy is going to write the book on how to potty train a puppy!

I tried to find a Frankie photo in which she looks the guiltiest. There were many to chose from, so in the end I settled for this. (Don't miss the paw action).

PS: Mom's in the other room doing the laundry.

I was done with my post when I got a notice from Dip-Dip and The Bridge inviting me over to pick up the Showing Some Love Award. My dear tiny friends: Dinah, Bridget, and baby bro Elliot, I was on my way regardless. Blogger friends, you should check out Dip-Dip and The Bridge for yourselves if you haven't yet. It's one of my favorites.

As we all party on, our friend Mango, another favorite blog, is working his tail off with his famous Mango Minster 2010 competition. All I want to say about the contest is: we can all help out by reading the rules thus giving Mango some time to meditate--since he needs it so.

Twink!

Chiweenie Gets A Turn

Hello, I'm Frankie. I'm Twinkie's baby sis and I've taken over the blog for today while my tea cup chihuahua sister is enjoying the warm sun outside. At last, she lefted me alone for a bit. I know she telled you I'm the one who is bugging her, but it is not the full truth. She thinks she's my mama and she scolds me all the time. She scoldeded me this morning when I peed on mama's quit. Potty training tips anyone? I don't like being yelled at and that makes me want to pee more, do they not understand that? I wanted to explain my side of the story. First off, I'm a chiweenie and I'm a pup. I'm not even a year old. It's not easy to potty train a puppy. Second of all, I'm adapting. I've been to too many homes, I can't remember how many. You understand my confusion. To make this more interesting, mama signed me up for dog obedience training, something that pisseded the tea cup chihuahua off even more. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I can tell you that I'm a very sweet girl and I love my family, even Jet the black kitty who waits for me around the corner to doink me on the head. At first this startleded me, but I'm used to it now. Sometimes I even pretend I'll get her back, and laugh when she runs away. Tee hee hee. I'm getting tired from writing so many words, but I wanted to say "hello" to everyone and make sure you all know what a good girl I am.
I also know how to upload videos. Here's one. Mom's a big tease, she's on the other side of the screen (tee hee hee).

Please ignore the ears (they're still under construction). Just focus on my melodic voice.

Frankie the Bratwurst