Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A Dog Advice Column

Gnomebody asked...

Twinkie:

Auggie Doggie here. You are the best in giving advice. You gave my bro Riley some good advice which he took to heart right away. He chewed up two TV remotes and a couple of magazines in order to divert Mom's attention from the wet bed he spoke about last week.

But now I have a dilemma. As you are aware, I am a MANDOG. A most good looking MANDOG, and I want everyone to know that I've been here and there. Therefore, I mark. When we go for walkies, I mark everything I can. I have even taken to marking in the house. No one can deny that this is Auggie the MANDOG's house. But Mom keeps spraying vinegar all over my markings! How can I make her stop?? She keeps threatening to make me wear doggie diapers. WHAT?! ME?! THE MAN?! Never!!!!! That would threaten the very core of my manliness!

Your Friend,
Auggie
BooDee BooDah Tribe

PS: Mommy here - How do I make HIM stop marking inside????? Help, Twinkie!

TVT: Dear Auggie, first off, please spit out the stuffing before your mommy sees you. I realize your need to assert your mandogness but dude, do it like a tiny dog. Are you getting it yet? Small dogs, such as my chiweenie sissy, make small puddles that are difficult for the human eye to see. The secret is to empty your bladder outside, and in front of your mommy, so that she's pleased and assured of her furnishings' safety. As soon as she's off to work, slowly go around your home trying to figure out secret locations where you can satisfy your marking need. I recommend dark and ideally patterned fabric. It works like a dream.

To the Mommy: No worries. I had a chat with Augie and all is good in Auggie world. If I were you, I'd be scheduling a move date, say . . . three weeks or three hours from now; whatever suits you. Always a pleasure to help.

It would help your case if you spat that out, now.

houndstooth asked...

Fabulous advice yet again! I don't have any questions, but Morgan has one, so I'm typing it for her as a sign of sisterly humor.

Bunny

Dear Twinkie Van Twinkerson, I have been here with my new family for over a week now and I am confounded by one thing. I keep trying to herd them all together, but quite frankly, herding these Greyhounds is harder than herding a pack of cats! How can I teach them to all stay together? Also, how do I teach the humans the same thing? Nobody here seems to have any clue about the safety involved in numbers and staying together! It's maddening!

Morgan

TVT: Aha! I guess that means you are finally aware of your breed. You sure are taking it well. So, what's your problem? You worry too much you rain-o-phobic canine. It's only a matter of time until you have become a greyhound. The sooner you accept your new predicament, the better for all of us. German Shepherds are supposed to be a versatile breed that is willing to please. You can't herd greyhounds but you can train a german shepherd, so be careful what you wish for. You're not going to find a better home, even if on occasion you have to squeeze into your crate with Lilac or Blueberry. 

Repeat after me, Morgan: There's no place like home!

Asta asked…

Twinkie

I so enjoy youw advice to all ouw fwiends and am in heawty agweement wif you on the question of the ages..why can't we have an unlimited supply of yummielicious tweats????
I hope this impawtant question gets answewed by those in chawge (hoomans) vewy soon, although they awe not neawly as wise and clevew as you awe
smoochie kisses
ASTa

TVT: Ah, dearest Asta, that's like looking for the meaning of life. Perhaps we'll find the answer at the bridge but until we do, all I can do to help is keep posting suggestions and novel ideas that help us achieve our goal. Check out yesterday's post for breakthrough information. 

Unless of course you want to burn some dog treats yourself for your fwiendses who are visiting from out of town. 

Hank asked…

Dear Ms. Van Twinkerson:

Molly O'Mally here!

I am currently recuperating from a pinched nerve in my poor old spine. My question is....how long do you think I can milk this for all it's worth? I mean, Mommy and Hanky aren't very bright but even THEY got suspicious when I leapt off the couch this morning.

Oo, here they come! Gotta go!

Molly

TVT: Good golly Miss Molly! I say you've got to remind them you're an old bat, aka a senior dog. Incontinence, deafness, and dog arthritis aside, old age has its benefits, you know? As for the nerve being pinched, in all honesty, and strictly between you and me, Hank's worst habit may have played a large part in it. I would follow this formula: for each jovial jump, spend five minutes parading limping in front of your family. Two jumps equal 10 minutes of acting and so on...

Always listen to your elders, Hankie.

Lola asked…

Twinkie, I think we're all pretty much in awe. I know I failed to take your advice about the problem of Alpha Mom's going away. Bolo's experience notwithstanding, most of us Pei are not so much housebroken as we are programmed. I couldn't piddle inside if I tried. Anyhoo, it's a new day. Now I think I'd like to address the question of what to wear to Frankie and Ruby and Penny's wedding. I don't believe I've ever been invited to one before so this is new territory for me. Any suggestions as to what's proper?

thanks so much, Lola

TVT: No matter what style you decide to go with make sure it's bellow the knee and no cleavage. We don't want your beautiful pei presence to steal the show. I would also pass on white too. The etiquette for proper guest attire for a day wedding is different from that of a night wedding. For daytime weddings I suggest florals, whereas for evening I suggest either a cocktail gown, but remember, not to o sexy but something fun to dance in. A pawdicure is a must. 

This is a nice accessory for starters.

Kira The BeaWootiful asked…

Wooos Twinkie! Mum says thanks fur the kitten pictures, and when is she getting the little tan colored one? I say stay cool and keep them all, I fur one do not want another thing running around her unless it is edible.
Love woo advice, as always....
~husky kisses~
-Kira The BeaWootiful

TVT: My BeaWootiful, I'm sowy to break this to woo out of the blue, but OUR kittens are NOT edible. Now, let me talk to your mom. Dearest, Kira's Mommy, I suppose I'm overdue on my next installment. Since you didn't specify which kitten, I'm going to pick one in random for you. 

Surprise! How about this one?

Life With Dogs asked...

Brilliant.

Now help me out. What gives with toilet water, and why is it so much colder than the water from the kitchen sink tap? 

TVT: This is kinda like asking me why we lick our butts. Because we can! Plus, isn't the toilet like a natural underground well that keeps refreshing itself? Isn't it like a beautiful porcelain goblet? And don't get me started on lukewarm tap water. Tap water is full of bacteria too. Haven't you noticed most people have to filter the nasty tap water, and yet they expect us to drink it! I'm getting thirsty. 

Apparently so is Nigel

Mr Koda MD asked...

Reading your wiseness makes me realise how much I don't know! Miss Van Twinkerson, if there was one fact that everypuppy needs to know, what would it be?

TVT: Puppies are the driving force of the universe. Stuffies are created to be unstuffed, as our couch cushions and ottomans. Dog treats are low fat and healthy for you. Baths are for humans. Dog is God spelled backwards. Always be grateful to have a loving forever home.

Last but foremost, puppies are dignified!

3 doxies asked…
Dear Twinkie,
Ummmm, should I be afraid about this Roasting? Will I be ales to come
back to Blogland?

Puddles

TVT: OMD you're slow . . . slow roasting that is! My dogness, Puddles! You're a rather bright gal, how come you're still in the dark? In Blogland, we ONLY tease the ones we like the most. We leave polite, brief comments at the other blogs. The fact that blogland is so busy roasting, is an honor. Watch, you're only the beginning of an epidemic.

Wake up, sunshine. You are one loved doxie!

Special Announcement: Our furiend, Oskar is having an All About Your People Day Friday 7/16 on my blog. Check it out! Hurry, it's THIS Friday. Thank you Oskar for giving us an opportunity to retaliate!

Now go take on the day!

Twinkie Van Twinkerson

Dog Training tips | How To Get Dog Food The Easy Way

It's time to share with you one of my long time personal favorite dog training tips. It's a well kept secret, so you don't want to miss out. It is a known fact that children, a.k.a. human peanuts, are the easiest to train. Whenever you find yourselves in an environment with children present, ignore the parents. The parents are most logical and they are feeling social pressure to do the "right thing." Human peanuts aren't like that. They are still innocent and giving. If you have dog food on your mind, trust this technique.

Children are angels that have our best interest in mind.

Never underestimate neither our pleading powers, nor the children's innate need to defy adult rules.

Children are bearers of dog food and dog treats.

Children do not think in terms of calories or the proper diet and nutrition. They are more like us, because . . .

. . . healthy dog treats are okay, but . . .

. . . this is better, and this is the kind of food you can expect from children!

Remember, children are our friends. Go hug a human peanut!

Twinkie

How to Transport Your Dogs

There are many methods of dog transport available these days and it gets confusing. Let me clarify.

This is by far the SAFEST method of transportation

That is why the chiweenie and I poo-hoo it

This is our Linguini's favorite dog car seat in the car

She makes an excellent co-driver

This is . . .

"Hey, chiweenie, get out of our car. If you're driving, I'm outta here!"

When your chiweenie misbehaves, stick her in the trunk

You see, we do have a nice and save a dog car seat

M bought a double one for Frankie and me

BUT I am a teacup chihuahua and 

I wanted it all to myself

Say your prayers chiweenie and hope we never have to break!

Obviously there are many alternate methods of dog transport, such as train-hopping, but I'll demonstrate that at a later date.

Remember, this post was created by professionals who took extra measures to ensure the safety of our dog models. It is NOT safe to try on your own.

Twinkie

Teacup Chihuahua Playing Hard To Get

There's a good looking dude in my life. His name is Hank and he's a rhodesian ridgeback. Here's a picture of him:

As you can see, he's a rather handsome fellow.

Hank is also an intellectual. He likes to watch animal planet and mun2.

He is also a gracious host and he always shares his marrow bone with me.

But I, Twinkie the teacup chihuahua, am quite a catch so . . .

"Catch me if you can, Hanky!"

(I love to play hard to get)

Hank is oblivious though, because he is blinded by his feelings for me.

Watch him drool over me!

What Hank has going for him above everything else is his sense of humor.

His nickname is Scooby.

"Huh?"

And because I love a great sense of humor,

sometimes, during our dog hiking expeditions, we walk off into the sunset together.

Right, Hanky? (wink)

Twinkie

Brindle Chiweenie Afraid of . . . Kittens

Frankie's situation is becoming ridiculous. One minor attack the small the black and white chimeanie and our Frankie is afraid of everything. We were supposed to be socializing the newborn kittens but instead we discovered it was the chiweenie that needed socialization. I can't blame her completely though. Suffice it to say that we started her out with the nursing mom, inside her space, the room we call "the nursery". Let me demonstrate with a few chiweenie pictures.

Nursing cats do not like invasions

Farrah is used to our humans, but she is not dog friendly

Brave brindle chiweenie!

Getting braver

(can her eyes bulge out more?)

"I'll show you how it's done, Frankie. I am a teacup chihuahua and I am fearless."

Frankie scratching her head wondering where all those kittens came from

I explained to her about the birds and the bees

Seriously! What is there to be afraid of?

See, we love her

Disclaimer: No chiweenie was harmed during the making of this post

For the kitten fans, you can view the latest kitten video by clicking HERE.

Twinkie

Dog Obesity

The obesity rate in the U.S. is still growing dramatically. About one third of of american adults are indeed obese. Great news for dogs: get off the couch and walk your pooch. Canine obesity is a serious matter. If you care about dog health, read on.

There are two main actions one can take to curb obesity: Eat less, exercise more. Same exact principal applies to your canine companion. 

1. Adjust the amount of food you give your dog. 

2. Provide your dog with regular physical activities, such as walks (a couple of times a day if there is already an issue), dog hiking, dog parks… 

All dogs are susceptible to obesity, just like humans, however those that are fed high calorie diets (that includes table scraps I'm afraid), and those that do not get adequate amounts of exercise are at risk. There are some breeds, such as doxies, beagles, and labradors that are known to be predisposed. 

Fact: Obesity affects 20-40% of all American dogs

Visible Signs: visible body fat, not visible ribs, from above your dog the belly is bulging out

Clinical consequences: difficulty exercising, walking, getting up or down, difficulty berating, and canine arthritis (in other words, extra stress on the already inflamed joints)

Causes: too much food very little if any exercise

Organs affected: bones and joints, lungs, heart and potential diseases include canine diabetes

Exceptions to the rule: hypothyroidism, insulinoma, intestinal parasites, fluid in the abdomen, pregnancy

The majority of dog obesity can be easily treated at home, cutting back on your dog's caloric intake and increasing the exercise periods. If you have tried this simple solution and see no results, it is a good idea to visit your dog vet for a proper evaluation, including blood tests that can rule out hormonal and thyroid disease. The dog vet is also where you can purchase low calorie kibble, although having checked all the ingredients on those (mainly byproducts and lots of corn meal), I recommend to stay away and instead use a good quality dog food in slightly smaller portions. Some dogs love canned pumpkin, green beans, carrots . . . See if your dog likes those. I personally use all of the above including a small dollop of non fat yogurt for my barely obese senior dog. I know many people who simply cut back by a quarter of a cup per day the food intake on a larger dog and they have no problems. I use both of my suggestions: I substitute some of the reduced kibble with veggies and I cut back a little of the dogs' food. This way, my dogs never know they are on a diet! Do not ever put a dog on a crash diet. That can both shock his system and make him miserable. Long term but steady weightless is the goal. 

Table scraps and treats are generally bad for dogs, but especially bad for overweight dogs. Some dog owners also use a large portion of dog treats, disproportionate to their dog's overall daily caloric intake. Be careful with that. A treat is just a treat, not a meal. The good news for dogs is that nowadays you can find many low calorie dog treats available. You can also substitute store bought treats with boiled chicken cubes, celery with a taste of peanut butter to make it more desirable, and experiment with carrots and other safe vegetables. All our dogs are nuts about carrots. 

Two cases:

1. Our brindle chiweenie is almost two years old and she weights 9 lbs. A week ago, during her physical, the vet recommended she loses one whole pound! That is almost 10% of her body weight. How did we miss it? Because of her age. As she is still growing, she would one day look chubby and the next normal. Now that we heard the dog vet's warning, We're watching her like a hawk and monitoring her food intake more than we did in the past. 

2. Our dalmatian and german shorthaired pointer mix is slightly overweight. Since she's almost 11 years old, a senior dog, she is also suffering from dog arthritis. I have to keep her weight as low as possible.

For both these dogs, I do as I said from the start of this post: healthy diet, regular exercise, and creative low calorie dog treats. My dogs' health is of chief importance. 

Twinkie

Roxie, The Future AKC Canine Good Citizen, Strikes Again

Roxie, the brindle Boston Terrier, is going to become a great Canine Good Citizen. How do I know? A. She's extremely smart and B. Her owner, called a handler, is determined and consistent, both words of utmost importance in dog training (that would be your first dog training tip).
Last week, Roxie practiced steps 1-3 and I posted about it, including some helpful and some not so helpful tips: Our Future AKC Canine Good Citizen.

This week, Roxie practiced steps 4-8 and I will break those up for you.

Test item #4: Walking on a loose lead
The class instructor set up a pre-plotted course using orange cones and signs, and the handler had to maneuver around them with Roxie relaxed and not yanking on the leash. This step is fairly easy. Roxie only needed to exhibit a bit of self restraint.

The pre-plotted course

The cones had directional arrows as well as one that said "stop" and one that said "about turn" 

Roxie did just fine.

Test item #5: Walking through a crowd
Roxie and her handler had to show they can walk around a crowd (minimum 3 people). Because Roxie gets around, she was rather good at this one.

(Sorry, no photo available. Somebody had to be the crowd)

Test item #6: Sit and Down on command and Stay in place

The handler normally decides which position the dog should be in (standing, sitting, or down). In our case, Roxie made the decision.

Test item #7: Coming when called

Problem. Roxie likes her treats but dog treats are NOT allowed during testing, so it's a good idea to practice without them. Add to that the fact that Ms. Roxie is too smart and she knows her handler is going home with her . . . In other words: handler = mommy = I get that at home too = boo-ring. 

Bored and hesitant Roxie

Fed up but obedient Roxie

Here, I need to interrupt briefly for some precious dog training tips for my furry friends:

Look adorable and starving, trust me

I told you to trust me! I bet now you do.

(back to our post)

Roxie, for unexplainable reasons (see last two photos) mastered this step.

Good girl, Roxie

Test item #8: Reaction to another dog, aka uh-oh

Roxie must demonstrate she'll behave in the presence of other dogs. Interesting challenge, especially since all Roxie's handler is allowed to do is use her voice. This is a tricky part of the test because Roxie and the handler have to actually stop, shake hands with the evaluator and the demo dog, exchange a few pleasantries and move apart. Let's see how Roxie did!

That's why this is called the "uh-oh" test item

One more try

Uh-oh! What do I see here?

Is that Frankie, the other AKC Canine Good Citizen? The brave chiweenie? 

It is indeed. She volunteered (not)

All jokes aside, Roxie did a marvelous job and as I already said, I know she'll make an excellent canine good citizen in a few weeks. Meanwhile, she's going to be training her handler:

Good handler!

Until the next installment of Roxie and her progress with the CGC.

Twinkie