Chiweenie Exposé

I Can't Help It If The Chiweenie Provokes Me

Dear friends and furiends, my pack and I stand united because of a certain, ehem, pending cat-astrophe, and I've laid off my chiweenie sister for a while now. My intentions were noble, but the chiweenie is incorrigible, therefore, without apologies, allow me to demonstrate her latest shenanigans and the reason I can't stop making fun of her no matter how hard I try.

You probably know by now that our horse barn is a bit of an insane asylum.

Horses, humans, and an abundance of rescue dogs can't wait for their next horse barn visit. 

It's no wonder this goat wanted to join us.

Nathan the horse was perplexed. Apparently, he did not grow up in a farm.

He did enjoy the entertainment though.

Heck! Almost all of us rescue dogs were entertained.

Even our senior dog set her dog arthritis aside for a few minutes and enjoyed playing the game: Get that goat!

Murray, the doxie, the latest dog adoption loved the goat game too.

I decided to join in.

Tigger, the other chiweenie, had a blast!

WARNING:

The following incriminating photos may be disturbing to our brindle chiweenie's fans.

Uh-oh

I think you get the picture.

I realize M has made a valiant effort to socialize our chiweenie. I saw the pictures and the certification and I know that our chiweenie is indeed a Canine Good Citizen. The ol' brindle has grown on me and I love her to pieces, BUT there's something seriously wrong with this dog! I believe a dog behaviorist is in order. 

Twinkie

It's Wednesday And I'm Speechless For Once

Twink!

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

Dear Twinkie is a weekly advice column posted every Tuesday. Do you have questions that you need answered or news that you want to spread? Then leave me, Twinkie Van Twinkerson, a note on Tuesday's comments and I'll address it. This blog and column are strictly rated G and only meant for your enjoyment.

pam asked...

Hey Twinkie. Did we miss something? Did M give all them kitties away or somethin?

Bobo and Meja

TVT: Oh, please, don't bring this up. M is still in mourning over the kittens. Allow me to skip the explanation and provide you a link instead (see response to Twix near end). We're all out of tissue in our home and M is now using my blankie, you understand, right? Now go be nice to mommy and give her extra love and slobbery kisses for me. 

This picture is for your mommy!

mayziegal asked...

Hmmm...I am not sure how I feels about my girlfurends throwing cheese at my boyfurend. I just hope he saves some for me!

Okay, my question this week is abouts this thing called Twitter that my mom has signed us up for. It doesn't really make much sense to me. She says we're supposed to "tweet" at people but I don't speak BIRD! Is there some sort of correspondence course I can take?

Thank you ever so much for your Most Wise Advice!

Wiggles & Wags,
Mayzie

TVT: Mayzie, you are embarrassing me. I've been praising you for your smarts and now this? Darling, you can even tree a raccoon, since when can't you cope with birds? I believe that a dog with your skills would be fluent in no time. I recommend the Rosetta Stone Bird. 

Don't look at me like that! Start studying!

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ asked...

Great suggestion for Phantom, although he and TD have conjured up something a bit more daring. Mom doesn't know about it yet. Now any idea how we can get him to eat?

Woos, Thunder and Ciara, both plotting to escapt for the big Pawty Night Friday the 13th.

TVT: Perhaps you are all unaware, but Phantom is an avid reader of my blog. I bet you he's read all my dog training tips. Therefore, think smart. Phantom knows that during sick days we can capitalize by training our families better. He's too smart for you two. So give him what he wants. Dog treats, home cooking, and a bit of Nutri Cal. Meanwhile, I dug through my records and found the recipe for homemade dog treats that brought me back from the unnamed. I got it from my ol' pal, Mabel. Read carefully! 

Ingredients: 1 lb chicken liver, 1 cup white flour, 1 cup corn meal, thyme, oregano, sage, garlic powder (new studies have discovered garlic can trigger dog allergies in a few poor fellows). Pulverize the liver in a blender. Mix the flower with the corn meal and cover the top with the seasonings. Pour the liquified liver over the dry ingredients. Line a cookie sheet with foil, spray with Pam. Bake for 15 minutes at 400 degrees till it bubbles on top. Let it cool--really. Cut in squares. Make sure Phantom does not overeat.

I told you to make sure Phantom does not overeat!

the booker man asked...

pee s -- how on earth did miss bunny fit a german shepherd in her backpack?! i also just about died of the giggles when i saw the binaca spray. heeheehee!

TVT: Miss Bunny is an exceptional female. Ask her mom and she'll confirm. That girl's got everybody twisted around her little greyhound paws. Besides, haven't you ever looked inside a woman's purse? You can find just about anything you need in there, and backpacks are bigger!

"Happy Campers"

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Do woo have a khamera here to watch how I REALLY do it?

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

TVT: Well, as a matter of fact, the answer is "yes". Hello, girlfriend. Wake up and smell the kibble. You're an internet superstar! You get photographed just about every day plus there's a special channel called youtube that is dedicated to you. 

This is how Ms Khyra REALLY does it. With a great sense of humor!

K9friend asked...

Wise and wonderful...what else is there to be said?

Pat
www.critteralley.blogspot.com

TVT: There's always something else to be said. 

Get out of there! You're making mom late for work!

ForPetsSake asked...

Miss Twinkie, I have a question for you...I cleaned the teeth of a teeny, tiny chihuahua today at the vet clinic. I can't help but wonder what little ones like you think when they see the bigger dogs. I only have 2 big girls myself. Any insights? Much love!

TVT: I can't stand small dogs. They're yappy, nippy, and just plain annoying. I love big dogs because I always know where I stand with them. My best furiends are large dogs. I'd love to become furiends with your girls. Especially now that I know you offer double breakfasts at your home.

Our new furiends, Arwen and Nyxie waiting for their proper welcome to blog-land.

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz asked...

Oooh! Ooooh! If Tank manages to herd all the idiots in the world together, can we help in the ankle biting?!? Pretty please? Okay, now my question for you, Ms. TVT: Why is my little mutant sister SUCH a doofus? Will she EVER grow out of this doofusness, or I am doomed to be stuck with a doofus sister forever?

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy

TVT: Absolutely on the ankle biting. It wouldn't be a proper idiot gathering without the ankle biting! Good call. As for the doofus part of your question, I suggest you watch who Abby hangs out with. 

Hugo looks suspicious. I don't believe he's helping with your objective.

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie asked...

BOL. Twink you amaze and delight. Hey, here's a qq for you: How come so many of the comments that are in Chinese script have nothing to do with the post they comment on? Also, do you have any idea how to delete unwanted comments on the cbox?? (Mommy had to delete her cbox because of so many awful spam messages.)
Smooches from pooches,
BabyRocketDog and Hootie

TVT: I get those in Russian too, and Frankie Furter gets alien invasions. Don't be upset. Be flattered. It means your bloggy is pawesome and they want to be a part of it. 

And now on to the technical advice: log in to Cbox, click on "messages", check the mini square boxes by the messages you want deleted (they will be highlighted), click on "delete" (it's above your messages archive in red letters). Click "ok" and refresh your blog. 

I'm afraid this was information overload for Baby Rocket Dog

Lola asked...

You know what I've been pondering, Twinkie? I've been wondering this: You are a tiny dog. It says so right in the title of your blog, so it must be true. Where do you keep that big brain of yours? It doesn't seem like your head would be big enough to hold all the smarts you have.

lotsa licks, Lola

TVT: I would like to think that I keep my brain same place you keep your sense of humor. You never seize to crack me up both through your blog and comments.

 Speaking about heads, how's yours, Lola?

Cocorue asked…

TwinkTwink, thankQ for the wise advice.....looking for a lampshade and other items to dress the hoomans BOL!

Tank is soooo right about the idiotic hoomans.......mumster's friend very sweeetly said in front of my sista Coco:
"no offence but does Coco's brain correspond with her size?"

I WAS SO angry but being toothless and with bandaged legs, i PEED on her biiiig time!!! NOW, i'm being punished.......stooopid hoomans!

I WANT TO BE ADOPTED by another DOG...can you help advertise for me? thanks my furiend

TVT: Home needed for toothless bandaged, unruly pup. She goes by the name of "Tiffy" and she's a cry baby. She's also not potty trained and she sits on birthday bones. She'll make an excellent companion in a few years and after thorough training. What have you got to lose? 

Adopt Tiffy today, you "won't" regret it!

Cupcake asked...

Hi Twinkie, how are you? I have a question for your dog advice column. My chihuahua sister, Princess, and I love each other very much and we like to hold hands (paws). Mom thinks it's very cute but my german shepherd friends make fun of me. My question is, do you think it's okay for a chihuahua and a german shepherd to hold hands?

Thank You,

Cupcake

TVT: Dearest Cupcake, don't you fret. It's a german shepherd thing. There's been a recent epidemic about GS with mistaken identity around blogland recently. My guess is you picked it up from Morgan, the GS that thinks she's a greyhound. Take two aspirins and call me in the morning.

Be still my lil' heart! Cuteness overload.

Now, go take on the day!

Twinkie

Dachshund Pictures | Rescue Dog Murray

Remember Dexter, the dachshund?

He was another of our horse barn's rescue dogs.

Detective Brindle Chiweenie is going to help us investigate.

Watch her sniff for clues.

OMD! It's a Dexter impostor!

No, wait. It's Dexter's new brother, a new among many rescue dogs.

Allow me to introduce you to Murray.

Welcome you lucky fellow.

You've no idea yet as to how awesome your new home is.

Lucky dog, Murray, has a fantastic forever home, with lots of furry siblings, dog food on his plate and frequent trips to our horse barn where he can get his exercise and a variety of dog treats including horse poo. He's going to need to work hard at this socialization skills though, as he's a bit of a biter. He's improving every day!

Twinkie

M's POV

All blog-stars feel ignored once in a while. I will demonstrate using pictures, how my pack and the cats spend their days as M works away.

This is M's desk. 

The bodies belong to Bob and Jet, the tailless twin kitties.

They are allowed up there.

Please notice: coffee cup, PetZoom (ultrasonic dog bark control), cherry flavored chapstick (M's addiction), Program (dog flea treatment). 

This is Jet's favorite napping position.

M is sure it's due to Jet's XL tummy.

Bob refuses to grow up. He's a wool sucker because he was never properly weaned.

He prefers it when the shirt he's sucking on is on M.

Max, the maine coon cat, is a loner.

He spends his mornings napping on the Emery Cat Scratch Board on top of the pool table.

Our beloved senior dog likes to be as close to her mistress' feet as possible.

We, the brats, the chiweenie and the teacup chihuahua (moi) love to play bitey-face by M's legs. Sometimes we irritate her so much that she puts us on her lap. 

Hint hint! Dog training tip!

What do you do while your parents work?

Twinkie

Starving Chiweenie Plea

Ever since our last dog vet visits, one thing is apparent, with me as the sole exception, the rest of the pack needs to lose weight. The chiweenie, Frankie, didn't take the news very well. She does not consider herself in any way overweight so she's rather upset about having to go on a diet. M is determined. She realizes the dangers lurking behind dog obesity and wants to keep the pack healthy and happy for as long as possible.
According to the dog vet, the chiweenie, has to lose ONE pound. One pound may not seem much to most but considering that the chiweenie's weight is only NINE pounds . . .

. . . it's a bit much. 

The "diet" was going well, until last Monday. M had been cutting back Frankie's caloric intake slowly but surely. On Monday we were moving so there were lots of people in our home and one of them left a bean burrito on the coffee table. Frankie assumed it was for her. M was livid but there wasn't much she could do short of wearing an oxygen mask and waiting it out. This was a first. Apparently the chiweenie will be honored by having her name added to the Counter Surfers' Hall of Fame.

"I would prefer dog treats to honor."

I feel for the chiweenie, a.k.a. the brindle burrito!

Twinkie

My Family, Mi Familia

This is my family.

It's a typical afternoon. M has locked all of us three dogs and three cats in her bedroom. She does this when she takes care of the kittens. This is no life for a dog! I admit, two of the cats were here before me, so I accept that, but what about all the others? Every new family addition makes me have to wonder about my safety. At just under four pounds, my life is not to be taken lightly. I'm a teacup chihuahua, therefore I'm fragile. 

A mixed cat and dog home is not unusual. We live in relative peace and harmony, excluding feeding times which require a lot of door locking and strategic locations. I've even gotten used to the existing cats, despite getting an occasional swat as I go by, but enough is enough mommy dearest! 

I heard that M wants to keep all of the remaining kittens and their nursing cat mom. I was hoping for a least another cat adoption, or more so I tried to reason with her. M said her decision is final. We, the dogs, don't agree with that. Our bed is already full. What's going to happen to us next? 

The nursing cat and her kittens live at the other end of the house in a room we call "the nursery". The nursery came to be only after the pregnant cat became aggressive towards us, the dogs. M keeps them separate for our safety, but it's been a little over two months now and I understand that both ends of the house are going to have to learn how to live peacefully together. I have my doubts.

The #1 reason to have doubts.

Nursing cats are overprotective of their kittens, and this one is not exception. 

Check out her face. She's one intense cat. 

A few weeks ago, she jumped and lunged at our largest dog (60lbs). I wonder if I'm next.

This little beauty, the calico kitten that goes by the name of Puddles, is another reason for me to worry.

Miss Alley, the pointed kitten.

Yet another reason to worry. I hear this one's wild!

Mr. T, aka Trouble Splitz

This tuxedo kitten's name says it all. He IS trouble.

Do not let his cute photo fool you!

We're holding a dog meeting this afternoon to come up with either an escape plan or cat and kitten training tips. If any of you have any ideas on how to go about opening the nursery door without much drama, please share your thoughts. At the end of the day I want to be able to exclaim: Venimus, vidimus, vicimus!

Twinkie