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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column


Lola asked...
Twinkie, that was a very deep answer to my deep question about what humans really want. So you don't know either, right? We took your advice about the inside zoomies. It's really too hot to enjoy them outside even during the day. It's working out fine - for us. Today my question is about chewies. Why do my humans think that Franklin should have them, too? I think I've made myself clear that I get ALL the chewies, no matter how many there are and yet they continue to give one to him each time I get one. How do I get through to them that I've made this decision and it's final.

thanks much as always, Lola
TVT: Wrong, my friend. I know what humans want. It's the humans who are clueless. Twinkie Van Twinkerson knows, and when she doesn't, she researches. So, to your question now. 
I'm sorry, but it's too late. You had to have already trained your humans before Andy established himself in your home. But now you know what to do when you adopt a new lil' brother or sissy.
The ideal lil' bro
mayziegal asked...
Thank you, thank you, Twinkie, for your most excellent bachelorette planning advices. You wouldn't be interested in heading up the Chihuahua Fun Police, would you? Or do you just want to come and dance on the tables - um, I mean - sip tea delicately and Most Ladylike with the rest of us?

Wiggles & Wags,
mayzie
TVT: Um, no on working that night, but thank you for your vote of confidence in my guarding skills. I have purchased the most exquisite gown for the event therefore "tea" would be appropriate.
Mayzie practicing her own guarding skills
houndstooth asked...
Wise woofs yet again, Ms. Twinkerson!

I think I have a more serious problem than Morgan putting her paw on my back. Now it seems that she feels the need to put MY WHOLE HEAD in her mouth! How do I deter her from this craziness? Blueberry runs into her crate and closes the door so Morgan can't get in, but that leaves me out on my own!

Oh, and Lilac wanted me to ask you a question about that bachelorette party. She says she has a lot of green papers for the "policemen" but wants to know if it's okay to pull a few back out to reuse if she runs out. I'm not sure the bachelorette party is ready for her!

TVT: The situation with Morgan putting your entire head in her mouth does not compare with the Akita and German Shepherd mix that used to put my entire head and body in her mouth. Then she'd spit me out like I didn't taste delicious or something. In any case, sounds like you're having a ball over at your Houndstooth quarters. 
Lilac, is a smart gal! I am a green dog and appreciate Lilac's recycling vision. Lilac's novel idea is superb and a lesson to us all. 
Wise dog demonstrating superb dog training skills.
Notice how she's using the fan instead of the A/C? That's a green dog!
Twinkie,

Awesome advice as always!

We don't have a question this week, more of a clarification... you mentioned in your answer to us that we couldn't control an all-girl party... we assumed that if they are out of control, the more cheese and green papers for us! or are we wrong in that assumption?

Sam and Pippen

TVT: The girls have caught on, in case you missed Ms. Bunny's question. You can rest assured there will be no green papers nor cheese left sitting around. It'll all be put to good use, over and over again.
Sam and Pippen scheming futilely

I'm still giggling at Madi's private quarters. Why am i hearing the theme song from the Jeffersons? :)
TVT: Your question sent me into a research frenzy. "Moving on up!" This is an advice column, my dear. Hearing tunes in your head is not for me to figure out, but I can recommend either sobering up or an excellent dog psychiatrist!
This photo speaks a thousand words

Grrreat advice for Mango.
Hey did you know that I'm having a bachelor pawty??? We are gonna have a BLAST.. Baseball game, Air and water show... and bar hopping after that. I know the girrrls will be ok at their pawty.
TVT: Dude, the entire animal blog-dom knows about your ball and chain party. Is there anyone in this room who does NOT know about Frankie's Doggie's Gone Wild party?
Don't forget your handcuffs!
I wanted to give you a reminder to post about HoneyBear! Oh, and don't forget to mention one last time, Sarge's walk!

TVT: Gee, thanks, what would we do without you, brindle furs? Okay, HoneyBear is fairly new to our world and she's a very special girl. She's been through a lot and is getting her leg surgery on August 5th. You can easily get caught up on her blog.
HoneyBear could use our group-paw-hug!
As for Sarge's "Walking With the Herd" march, that's coming up on August 7th. Hurry up and get your fluffy and not so fluffy tails down there, either in person or virtually. 
Support saving animals (us, gulp) from euthanasia!


Twix asked...
My question is: Who won the case of M vs M? And what was decided about those adorable kittens?
(I, Twix, do not think kittens are the least bit adorable but since I have paws and not fingers, I have to let Mom type what she would like)
Snuggles,
Twix
TVT: I can always count on my good ol' pal to open up a can of worms. I am not happy to report that M lost. In the process she gave away two of her beloved kittens: Teddy Smudge and Lolita. Let me explain for those who have been following the story.
M took two of the kittens to the vet last week. At the lobby, she met a girl with a dog that appeared to be 100 human years old. The girl asked M if she was giving away any kittens. M said NO. Then M got her head off her … and asked the girl about her dog. The girl said the dog was being put down. He was almost 18 years old. The girl had also had to put down her 12 year old cat a week earlier due to illness. M though about it all night long and the next day, when she took in the rest of the kittens, she had the vet's office call the poor girl. Within minutes, the girl came down. M wanted to make her feel better, plus she'd be getting rid of all the annoying folks who were rather persistent she could not keep all the kittens. M had Puddles, Lolita, and Teddy Smudge with her that day. Puddles was not an option. She and M are already tight, plus she was named by Abigail, a precious friend, so she gave the girl the other two kittens. The end and the beginning.
M got home feeling miserable. Momma cat started looking for her kittens. She wailed for a day and a half looking for them. M felt like a world class criminal. A couple of days later, both M and momma cat had reached a decision. No more listening to friendly advice. We're a family now and that's the way it's going to be. All the remaining kittens are here to stay along with their nursing cat mom. The end. 
Our beloved Lolita
Our beloved Teddy Smudge
May you have a beautiful long life filled with joy at your new home!!! We miss you and we hope to see you again some day (we do share the same zip code).

Now, go take on the day!
Twinkie Van Twinkerson

19 comments:

Sam and Pippen said...

Twinkie!

Thanks for the clarification. We are okay accepting recycled green papers but will pass on the recycled cheese!

Sam and Pippen

PeeS. Although it was heartbreaking, we are sure that Teddy Smudge and Lolita have gone to a fantastic home!

mayziegal said...

Oh, Twinkie! I can hardly wait to see your gown! You're going to looks beautiful at the - um - "tea."

I know your mom is prolly sad abouts giving away those two kittehs but gosh! What a Most Wonderful thing she did for that poor girl. Imagine how much sunshine they've brought to her life after all those bad storm clouds. And you KNOW anybuddy who has an 18 year old doggie takes real good care of her pets. Please gives your mom extra kisses from me and tell her that I think that is one of the most selfless and heart-filled things I ever heard of somebuddy doing!

Wiggles & Wags,
mayzie

Sagira said...

Glad to hear about the decision on the kittens. Funny how some people just come into your life at the right time isn't it? I hope they have a wonderful life and the kittens with you do as well. :)

Cupcake said...

I hope you get lots of updates on the kittens and share with us. I'm SO glad you are keeping the rest of them. Thanks for the mention of Miss HoneyBear!

Love, Cupcake

Remington said...

Great advice, Twink! Also, I am happy you made that girl smile!

Draco and his Mom said...

Great column as usual Twink...I think M came to a good comprimise concerning the kitties. The girl will love to bits Lolita and Smudge and you get to love the rest.
Wags,
Draco

Life With Dogs said...

You have no idea how much I look forward to this now. You have honed your skills Twinkie, and this was a great idea for a weekly feature!

Of course, none of that gets me off the hook with the party animals. ;)

Lola said...

Thanks as always, Twinkie, even if it wasn't the advice I most wanted. Um...this is it on the sibling front, though Twinkie. We have no current openings and are not hiring either kitties or doggies.

M did a nice thing with the kittens and it brings things down to a more reasonable level, I guess. It's hard for all of you to see any of them go, though. I can see that.

lotsa licks, Lola

houndstooth said...

Oh darn it! I really thought you were going to mail me my kitten! I had such big plans for things we'd do together, like taking long naps on the couch!

Lilac would like it to be known that she insists upon having the fan on and the a/c at all times! She gets barking mad just thinking about having to go outside for turn out. She does feel much better about recycling those green papers, though!

My question this week is about something I know you are very knowledgable about. We have been doing a lot of hiking lately and we've liked it so much, we plan to do some more. What are the things you think every hound should have in her back pack when she goes on a hike?

Bunny

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

How could you NOT taste totally delicious? I would think you would be most tasty. Not that I would presume to find out, of course, but I find it hard to believe that some doggie would find you in bad taste.

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy

Mango said...

I used to put dog's heads in my mouth too. That is how I got kicked out of daycares. Sob.

Slobbers,
Mango

the booker man said...

miss twinkie,
i'm starting to get filled with the nervosity. see, i woofed to sam and pippen that i'd help police miss ruby and miss penny's bachelorette pawty. we even came up with a super cool dance routine. and after all, my lovely miss mayzie is gonna be there, and i just can't take my eyes off of her most beautimousness. but now all the ladies are woofing about green papers and cheese and throwing these thingies at us dudes?? what has the booker man gotten himself into?!
*woof*
the booker man

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Awww, that is bittersweet about the kitties. M is a good woman - but we know it was hard for her to do.

Now about that ball and chain party - TD and Phantom are planning to go, but we are worried what the guys will think of this lampshade dude showing up. Any idea what we can do?

Woos ~ the OP Pack

K9friend said...

It was a wonderful gesture to send the kitties to a good home, though I know it's hard to let the little ones leave the nest...

Pat
www.critteralley.blogspot.com

Lorenza said...

Hi, Twinkee!
I understend your mom felt guilty but... yes... she took a good decision letting Lolita and Teddy Smudge go to live with that girl. I am sure she is going to take good care of them. I am sure your mom made her life brigther!
I am sure you will see them again!
Take care
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Tank said...

You're so good at answering questions Miss Twinkie. I would like to know why there are so many idiots in the world. I find myself getting depressed about this. Do you think we could herd them altogether and bite their ankles? I think this would make me feel better.

Sincerely yours,
Tank

Cocorue said...

TwinkTwink,

You ARE one smart cookie!

i'm still giggling over Tank's comment about the "idiots" in this world. i thought i was the only one thinking that!

Q: how do i Stop mumster from humanising us????? Coco is more hooman than the hoomans themselves!!!
bad enough that Coco has a vast wardrobe and has her own 'armoire' ( exCUUUUSE ME...)
AND now, i haave to wear a Sock to cover my wound - her excuse is that to go 'coneless' i'd have to wear the socks to prevent me from licking my wound.
my FEAR is this is an excuse and Before i know it, i'll be behaving like a hooman - clothes, behavior, eating habits....pls help wise Twink
i'm only 7mths and hoping for a loooooong Dawg life!
pookisses
Tiffy

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

How do woo do it week after week after week!?!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Twinkietinydog said...

Reminder to feature pocket change blog and animal ...
and email

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