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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Dear Twinkie

Dog Advice 

Dearest Twinkie Maria Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-Bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson, aka My Little Hot Tamale. Please let me be the first to asks you a question. How do we get our Betty to stop taste testing her own poops? 
TVT: Dear Poop Tester's Brother, if you would kindly refrain from eating your sister's food, perhaps her tummy would feel fuller and she wouldn't have to resort to the testing. Feel free to add yogurt to her diet because it has good enzymes and she may stop seeking the bad ones. 
Kewl job!
Hey what is that bar on the bottom of you blog??? I like that. . how do I get one???
TVT: Kewl is the correct answer, but I'm too late or you are too impatient. You already got it!
Mango asked...
You are now in charge of wise words? Hmmm.. perhaps you can tell me why it is that no matter how much I pee and poo before I go to bed I always cry and cry to go out around 3 AM and check the yard for invaders? Isn't that my job? Why does it make momma grouchy?
TVT: Yes, I am in charge of wise words. I'm no Labradude. I'm a wise Chi. As for you, you cry and cry because you're a big baby and you tend to complain a lot; ask Pee Wee. As for your momma, I recommend Mastiff-proof earplugs.
Advice, you?? I don't know about that...
TVT: Yes, me. I have credentials. You can check them out HERE. I quote, "we are sure [she] Twinkie will do a fine job"

3 doxies asked...
Twinkie Maria Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-Bug Chupa Cabra gots to be kiddin', you know how looooong that took to type?
I is so looking forward to your column....uh, when we get to start???????
TVT: No, I am very serious. Yes, it takes a while but take it up with my dogmother. You is slow. We've started.
hello twinkie its dennis the vizsla dog hay i am luking forward to yore advice!!! and also to finding owt if in yore noo pozishun yoo meet enny selebritteez hoo want to gest host my sunday awards and meem show!!! ok bye
TVT: Dennis, I live in Hollywood. I'll put the word out for you. I also have a neighbor that looks a lot like Cujo. He's my fence fighting pal. I'll ask him today if he doubles.
Stella asked...

 Do you have a day picked out to run this column?
TVT: I am trying to maintain your tradition. Tuesdays. 
mayziegal asked...
Hi Twinkie Maria Cuckoo Bird Cha-Cha-Cha! (Did I get it right? I tried to do it from memory.)
TVT: Wrong! I recommend fish oil supplements. They're yummy and good for your memory.
JackDaddy asked...
So I will be your second question: Boxers or briefs? :)

TVT: (More like my tenth question) Boxers! I'm not sure I could handle the briefs.
houndstooth asked..
How do I get people to mail me a million dollars? I could do a lot of things with that kind of green!

TVT: Easy. Go to your computer settings. Disable Firewall. Go to your email provider's setting, disable spam and junk mail. Allow free access to your computer. Sit back and enjoy. You'll be a millionaire by the end of the week.

kissa-bull asked...

lucky and coco chanel want to know how in the world can they find themselves a boyfurryend, everyfurry else in the household has been hit by the lovebug except for them
TVT: I suggest you stop by Twix's blog. Haven't you heard about Date Night? There's hope for everyone.
Dory and the Mama asked...
Wow...your own advice column??
TVT: Yes.

Are you going to charge us for your advice???
TVT: I have already billed my M with walkies and hikes. I'm also getting a bit of extra kibble in my contract.
Olive asked...
We blogged about GABE..and I think we did it right..maybe? 
TVT: How would I know? Who is GABE? 
So what is a girl to do when she has her computer broken? That is my first question... we are at the library right now...(actually only Mom is, she said I was not allowed, can woo believe that???
TVT: Woo are not permitted in the library?! That's is woong. I say woo take yourself to Walking Wednesdays every time woor mom goes to the library. Don't forget Mewoodie! 
MAX asked...
( the portrait of me???...without my Mom knowing?)I'm curious to get your take on it? (If you like?)
TVT: I like. Easy question too. You take lots of TLC, add to this a bunch of animal bloggers, and voila! Portrait accomplished ;)
I would like to dedicate my first Dear Twinkie and dog advice post to my furiends at Stella's World. I also want to wish their momma a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. 

Now go take on the day!

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