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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Dear Twinkie

Dog Advice 

Dearest Twinkie Maria Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-Bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson, aka My Little Hot Tamale. Please let me be the first to asks you a question. How do we get our Betty to stop taste testing her own poops? 
TVT: Dear Poop Tester's Brother, if you would kindly refrain from eating your sister's food, perhaps her tummy would feel fuller and she wouldn't have to resort to the testing. Feel free to add yogurt to her diet because it has good enzymes and she may stop seeking the bad ones. 
Kewl job!
Hey what is that bar on the bottom of you blog??? I like that. . how do I get one???
TVT: Kewl Wibiya.com is the correct answer, but I'm too late or you are too impatient. You already got it!
Mango asked...
You are now in charge of wise words? Hmmm.. perhaps you can tell me why it is that no matter how much I pee and poo before I go to bed I always cry and cry to go out around 3 AM and check the yard for invaders? Isn't that my job? Why does it make momma grouchy?
TVT: Yes, I am in charge of wise words. I'm no Labradude. I'm a wise Chi. As for you, you cry and cry because you're a big baby and you tend to complain a lot; ask Pee Wee. As for your momma, I recommend Mastiff-proof earplugs.
Advice, you?? I don't know about that...
TVT: Yes, me. I have credentials. You can check them out HERE. I quote, "we are sure [she] Twinkie will do a fine job"




3 doxies asked...
Twinkie Maria Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-Bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson...you gots to be kiddin', you know how looooong that took to type?
I is so looking forward to your column....uh, when we get to start???????
TVT: No, I am very serious. Yes, it takes a while but take it up with my dogmother. You is slow. We've started.
hello twinkie its dennis the vizsla dog hay i am luking forward to yore advice!!! and also to finding owt if in yore noo pozishun yoo meet enny selebritteez hoo want to gest host my sunday awards and meem show!!! ok bye
TVT: Dennis, I live in Hollywood. I'll put the word out for you. I also have a neighbor that looks a lot like Cujo. He's my fence fighting pal. I'll ask him today if he doubles.
Stella asked...




 Do you have a day picked out to run this column?
TVT: I am trying to maintain your tradition. Tuesdays. 
mayziegal asked...
Hi Twinkie Maria Cuckoo Bird Cha-Cha-Cha! (Did I get it right? I tried to do it from memory.)
TVT: Wrong! I recommend fish oil supplements. They're yummy and good for your memory.
JackDaddy asked...
So I will be your second question: Boxers or briefs? :)

TVT: (More like my tenth question) Boxers! I'm not sure I could handle the briefs.
houndstooth asked..
How do I get people to mail me a million dollars? I could do a lot of things with that kind of green!

TVT: Easy. Go to your computer settings. Disable Firewall. Go to your email provider's setting, disable spam and junk mail. Allow free access to your computer. Sit back and enjoy. You'll be a millionaire by the end of the week.





kissa-bull asked...




lucky and coco chanel want to know how in the world can they find themselves a boyfurryend, everyfurry else in the household has been hit by the lovebug except for them
TVT: I suggest you stop by Twix's blog. Haven't you heard about Date Night? There's hope for everyone.
Dory and the Mama asked...
Wow...your own advice column??
TVT: Yes.




Are you going to charge us for your advice???
TVT: I have already billed my M with walkies and hikes. I'm also getting a bit of extra kibble in my contract.
Olive asked...
We blogged about GABE..and I think we did it right..maybe? 
TVT: How would I know? Who is GABE? 
So what is a girl to do when she has her computer broken? That is my first question... we are at the library right now...(actually only Mom is, she said I was not allowed, can woo believe that???
TVT: Woo are not permitted in the library?! That's is woong. I say woo take yourself to Walking Wednesdays every time woor mom goes to the library. Don't forget Mewoodie! 
MAX asked...
QUESTION FOR YOUR COLLUMN:
"HOW, ON EARTH, IS IT POSSIBLE FOR 32 BLOGGERS TO "CONSPIRE IN SECRET" TO DEMONSTRATE THEIR LOVE TO ANOTHER BLOGGER WITHOUT THAT BLOGGER BEING AWARE OF THEIR SECRET???
(..eg the portrait of me???...without my Mom knowing?)I'm curious to get your take on it? (If you like?)
TVT: I like. Easy question too. You take lots of TLC, add to this a bunch of animal bloggers, and voila! Portrait accomplished ;)
I would like to dedicate my first Dear Twinkie and dog advice post to my furiends at Stella's World. I also want to wish their momma a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. 

Now go take on the day!
Twinkie

48 comments:

houndstooth said...

Holy Chihuahuas! That was a lot of advice! I may need to take a nap to let it all sink in. Two dewclaws up on your first advice column!

Bunny

Madi and Mom said...

Hi Twinkie well as they say on the news, 'we are informed so you are informed'!!! Great answers!!

Here is one for next week,
Dear Twinkie Marie Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson,
'How did(heck it took so long to type your name I forgot my question).oh yeah.. you get such a long name, and if you get married will you be required to say all of it during your vows?'
Madi and Mom

mayziegal said...

That was a whole lotta questions and answers. My favorite answer was for the question Dory asked. You are Most Smart and Brilliant. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gots to go work on memorizing your very long and difficults but one-of-a-kind name. I'll be back, Twinkie Coochie Wawa.

Wiggles & Wags,
Mayzie

The OP Pack said...

Great job, Twinkie - you nailed every question. We wonder if there will be any payback from the RH.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Tucker said...

Dear Twinkie,

Were is your teacup?

woof - Tucker

Tucker said...

Dear Twinkie,

Why is it I can't spell?.....

woof - Tucker

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Most excellent advice! (Especially to the RH!) I can't wait to read more. Although since you are now in the advice business, can you tell me how to deal with an upstart puppy who is likely going to be much bigger than me when she is full grown? She needs to know her place, but I'm a bit worried she might come back and kick my butt when she's older.

*kissey face*
-Fiona

Stella said...

Excellent work, Twinks! I knew we chose the right guy when we chose you.

Thanks for dedicating your first column to us, we appreciate gestures like that.

We here are all interested in starting a campaign to allow dogs in libraries and restaurants. Where should we start?

Cheers, and go forth in the advice business,

Stella, Ali Z and Mom

Martine said...

The kiddlets are mad at me... I neglected to as a question for them!

So the kiddlets want to know, will mom still love us once the baby comes?!?!?! Will be still have a bloggie?!?!

Cloud the Wonder Dog said...

Wow Twink, you did a great job on all the advice!!! And we really love that you are keeping with Ali's tradition and keeping it on Tuesdays. Nice touch! :-)

Luv,
Cloud

the booker man said...

super awesome advice, miss twinkie!!
you are full up to the top with the wisdoms.
i will most definitely come to you with my next question.
*woof*
the booker man

3 doxies said...

Twink, you make a great advice lady. You have s da most bestest advice. I loooves what Mayzie calls you. I go gets my thinking cap on so I cans come back with a question.
Puddles

Nadine said...

Twink, 4 paws up for taking over the advice column and doing a wonderful job on the first one!! We are looking forward to hearing more of the wisdom that comes from you, BOL!

Waggles & Chi kisses, Chewy & Lilibell

Dory and the Mama said...

Wow Twink...you so rocked the advice!!

Smileys!
Dory

Frankie Furter said...

Whewie Twinkie, I am most impressed with your skills. You are Doing the Grrreat GABE thingy AND launching your advice thingy at the same time.
PeeS... I think you will be hearing from a certain fella... sooooooon.

Frankie Furter said...

Whewie Twinkie, I am most impressed with your skills. You are Doing the Grrreat GABE thingy AND launching your advice thingy at the same time.
PeeS... I think you will be hearing from a certain fella... sooooooon.

brooke said...

Great column Twink!
I loved your answer to Mango. hehehe!

Keep up the good work!
Love, Darwin

Remington said...

Bravo great job!

Nubbin' Tails said...

Twink! You're my hero. I can never answer questions on the spur of the moment!

Wags!

Mr. Nubbin'

JackDaddy said...

You are just a regular Abby Landers! (Ask your mom!)

elbouwii said...

your super duper twinkie :D

kisssslobbers
El'bow & Hauwii

Kira The BeaWootiful said...

Woooos Twink! Most Impressed! I am not sure about taking myself fur a walkie though, that seems to get everyone very upset, but I have fun, so I guess I will try it! Thanks fur the advise!
~husky Kisses~
-Kira The BeaWootiful

Jazzi said...

Twink
Great job on the advice, I better go and learn that name so I can ask something to the wise twink

LOL'ing
Jazzi

Frankie Furter said...

Gee Twinkie, I may be in the same shape as you are... I have not heard from my girrrrls yet and I am getting very much worried and nervous and shakey and shivery. I surely do hope that they haven't planned to wash their furs that night, or something.
Gunther is pretty peed off at me for not reminding him about Date Night, so I know he plans to ask you... if he can get his tongue and tonails to work. I'm just sayin'.

Sallie said...

Yay! Great advice!

I have a question!

Alien's girlfriend, Ruth The Biker Frog, invited me to ride on her Harley. Is that safe? Do they make doggie helmets?

Thanks!

XOXO

K9friend said...

Brilliant job, Twink! Now if you can only tell me how to win the lottery...

Toby- The dog with a blog said...

Toby changed his mind, he thinks you give great advice :)
And coming up with GABE, that was totally cool!

Toby's Raiser

Twix said...

Way to go! Madi took my question :o( But I can't wait to hear the answer. Super excellent job on the column and GABE! What would we do without you?
Snuggles,
Twix

kissa-bull said...

we visited twix today and we're furry much excited about the date night . thanks twinkie maria conchita on and on and on twinkerson
teehee
we wuff your wiseness
now the WHOLE pack wants to know if you thinks its rude to toot in front of guests in the house. mommish thinks that its not vewy nice but we do it caush its our way of welcoming guests to our house
pibble sugars and wee wags
the pittie pack

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Dang you're good!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra
PeeEssWoo: OvFUR or under?

Chester said...

So you're the new Oh Wise One! Best wishes on a successful new advice column adventure.

I have a question: Mom and I have both been enjoyin' our newfound friendships we've formed over the last 16 months since we started bloggin'. What we'd like to know is how can we get a snooter to snooter meetin' with everybody-like a big DWB partay? I think it would be the funnest thing ever. Could you maybe arrange it, Oh Wise One?

Woofs and unwise slobbers,
Chester ;0=)

Ina in Alaska said...

That was a great question and answer session! We would like to know where we should address our question for next week?? We love you, and you are a Wise Chi!! Cha Cha Cha from the Great Land!! xoxoxo

Life With Dogs said...

Where can I get a cold drink around here? :)

Mack and Sally Ann said...

Twink,
Your advice is great. I look foward to seeing on the 9th. Good luck with GABE
Sally Ann

Mr Koda MD said...

Twinkie - Oh Wise One

You are soo amazingly wise!!

I enjoyed your advice and I hope you are enjoying your extra kibble!

Koda MD

Benny and Lily said...

eat the whole poop then no one will know
Benny (& Lily)

Cocorue said...

OMDogness, another great columnistAND a Chi too, you rock!

between you and Star, i will be able to sleep better! you ARE dang good!

Q: how do i get to visit you guys WITHOUT being fedex/put in the cargo hold where i would freeze to death/or whatever!

i want to have a playdate with you and all my furends and don't tell me to do that in my dreams!!!

chikisses
coco

Lorenza said...

Dearest Twinkie Maria Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-Bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson!
Congratulations on your first column!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

ocmist said...

Congratulations on doing such an interesting, funny and informative column! We loved it, but we thought YOU were the one doing GABE... How could you not know about it?!? The CC Pups

P.S. Or was that a joke... We are still young and might have missed it if it was?

ocmist said...

Grammy can't remember where she was supposed to put the link to our GABE post (Sometimes we wonder where her brain is!) Anyway, here it is and she will probably email it to your Mom too. http://countrycorgis.blogspot.com/2010/04/we-are-joining-gabe.html

Ruby and Penny said...

Dearest Twinkie Maria Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-Bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson, aka My Little Hot Tamale.
What a fun post.
Love Ruby & Penny

The Two Country Poodles said...

Great job!

We have a question:
I am super talented with my head twists, twirls, and following directions...Do you know of any good talent agencies that could get me in a movie or at least a magazine. You are in Hollywood...and that is where all the good actress and actors live right?

-Mollie Jo




Wags and Licks,
Mollie Jo & Bobo

Dennis the Vizsla said...

You're off to a great start, Twimkie!

BRUTUS said...

Move over Star, here comes Twinkie! Hey, at least now Star will have someone to answer her own questions!!

Snorts-
Brutus the Frenchie

Dip-Dip and The Bridge said...

We are awe struck by your advice oh wise one!
Dip Bridge and Elliot xx

KB said...

We over here at Romp and Roll aren't sure that you have enough wisdom for this job Twinkie. You seem to do some silly things yourself. Do you think that you have the wisdom needed?

Sagira said...

Keep up the good work Twinkie!

Mango said...

Gosh, Twinkie, I should have read your column sooner. Momma has started waking me up at around 10 PM and forcing me to go out and pee. The horror!

Most excellent and wise words to all our doggie pals.

Slobbers,
Mango

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