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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

Sugar the Golden Retriever asked...
Woof! Woof! As always, GREAT Answers! Awesome painting. Mmmm From my post today about my chipmunk friend, Fred ... Frankie said something that I I would like to ask your advice. Where can I send my question. Lots of Golen Woofs, Sugar

TVT: You may leave your questions on my blog every Tuesday, but you already did! About Frankie's comment (and his take on squirrels requiring removal), funny timing. I just left his blog where I told him we will have to agree to disagree. I'm with you on this one Sugar. I have squirrel friends myself and I can't imagine life without them. I mean, how else would be get so toned if it wasn't for the crazy chases? Back yards would get dull without our squirrel friends. I have ordered me a shipment from Amazon but they're on back order. See if you can get on the waiting list too. 
Sugar waiting for her squirrel buddy, Fred

3 doxies asked...
Hey...ummmm, Twink, what is BS? You thinks you could tells me? You wanna spell it out instead of using initials? You know, I'm not too good with initials...hehehe!
oK, I wished you had've warned me on that furst pikture...I kinda made a mess over heres...hehehe!
That was a most beautid=ful and thoughtful thing Miss Twix did. I bet your heart skipped a beat.

TVT: If your mom hasn't talked to you about BS yet, it's not my place to. There are certain things that are better left to the parents, like … the birds and the bees and BS. And to not disappoint you, let me add that BS is like saying "squirrel pellets" in our language. In any case, no BS talk on your blog, you have your lovely girl there too, get it?
And don't look so shocked by my answer

Martine asked...
Twink Girl! Wonderful column again!! You are so smart and wise.

Now for me to finally get some question time... Caps is always stealing the show... because he's "so cute" and "so little"!

Anyhow, my question is: I'm shy, it takes me a little under a week to get comfortable with visitors... by the time I'm finally use to them and want them to pet me and stuff they leave! Am I scaring them away??

Thanks a bunch,
Candy - Captain's sister who is just as cute and only a few pounds heavier

TVT: That's what's bothering you, Candy? Not the peanut invasion? I mean, you do realize that the peanut trumps both you and your brother, right? Moving on, I think that you are just fine the way you are. I suspect it's your humans who want you to be more outgoing. What do they know? They only have two legs. We love you just the way you are.
Who's stealing the show again?
(lame excuse to host baby P's photo on my blog)

Stella asked...
Hey Twinkums!

A certain Stella and a certain Jo really knew what they were doing when they named you Advice Columnist! Excellent work!

A very handsome portrait of you as well, Twink, where you gonna hang it?

Jo and Stella

TVT: I can't reach. I asked M to hang it for me but all she does is take it from one location to another muttering, "not good enough". I think the answer is … everywhere! Now make sure you slow down for our ma!
Stella posing for her portrait

misskyliem asked...
Hi Twinkie, long time reader, first time commenter... I wanted to get your opinion on the lack of quality posting my Mommy has allowed me to do. Should I fire her? Do you know anyone looking for a job, I would be willing to pay in stuffies and the occasional bonus bone.
Thank you!


TVT: Firing the mommy is always a last resort and I would advice you against it. I don't know you well, but I'd guess that it's the mommy that feeds you, correct? I rest my case. If however you don't choose to follow my advice, "Will work for stuffies and bones."
(and she looks so smart!)

Wooos Twinkie! Such great advice woo give. I think the other Khyra should have a kitten too.
We are so sorry we gave woo Mom a scare, can my Mom say "awww" to the kittens now????
~husky kisses~
-Kira The BeaWootiful

TVT: Your mom can yell AWWW to the world from the rooftop now that she's back to sculpting and the pain is mostly gone. I had a chat with my mom and told her not to be oversensitive. She said she'd try. Please awww all you want. I can't stand censorship.
Awww, beawootiful and nauti!

Mango asked...
Cut back on foodables???? I think you need your license revoked.


TVT: And you're not going to find a girlfriend (except maybe for Miss Kylie's mommy).
A fine specimen of a Mango

I am khurrently khultivating a phloof shrub - maybe that khould be of interest to those khanines that are phloofly challenged!

As fur a khytten of my own...BroFur and Butterskhotch aren't mine - they live in the neighbourhood but are fed by the nice people in the house BroFur was photographed at - we just provided the khondo fur them...

I'll let woo decide which one khomplements me the best - just box it up and ship it to Pawsylvania!

PeeEssWoo: Did woo know it takes me TEN days to khonsume as much kibble as RH does in ONE???

TVT: I didn't know but I'll take your word for it. You're a lady! 

houndstooth asked...
Thank you dearly for your advice, Twink! As always, you are most wise in your insights! I'm also thrilled to see that there are dogs out there willing to contribute to my new fur fund! I think I'm going to start collecting it all and then attach it at the end of the summer.

Have you seen the new trend for dogs where they get temporary tattoos? Why would they want temporary ones when they could have real ones like mine?


TVT: Because temporary ones don't hurt, they are non-toxic, go on easily and wash off in a flash. Besides, dogs are for the main part noncommittal and polygamous. What is a dog to do when they switch partners when they have their previous lover's tattoo permanently stamped on them? 
Bunny contemplating getting a temporary tattoo of her mom, the love of her life

Lola asked...
Twinkie, this was such an awesome post it's almost overwhelming to try to respond to it. Advice, kittens and that amazing portrait. Wow. I guess one of the kitties should be named Twix just for that alone, huh?

I have to say, though, Bunny's question inspired me to ask if you have any advice for a somewhat similar problem that I have. Ears. I hardly have any. The don't stand up at attention or flap in the breeze and their smallness makes me extra prone to infections, too, since it's not just the outside that's small. Sometimes I wish I had floppy ears or even pointy ones that stand up tall. I tried some fake ones at Easter, but they didn't seem to help much. Any advice on how I could get some awesome doggy ears?

wags, Lola

TVT: Ears! You seriously want me to talk about your dog ear problems? Fine, dog ear infection it is. I think that as with all sharpeis you shouldn't have lost so much weight so suddenly. Isn't that why you all have those extra folds? In any case, you should continue practicing good hygiene, clip the fur inside your ears, wipe them every time they get wet (the sofa is perfect for that), and you can also wipe them with a solution of one part apple cider or white vinegar and two parts water (warmed up for your comfort). Another natural remedy is to apply garlic oil, a natural antibiotic, in your ears, and rub them gently for a few seconds. Now shake! 
Seriously now, what's wrong with your ears?

Tucker asked...
Twinkie - Canz I trade my evil kitty brother in for one of your new cutie patootie kittens? Also, while I'm at it I'll trade kitty sister Ellie. It's a 2 for 1 deal dontcha wanna take it?

woof - Tucker

TVT: Um, Tucker, it's a 2 for 5 deal. Clear it with your parents and you're on! We're swapping kittens asap. I knew you weren't just a pretty face. 
I'll take that cake too with the kitties, thank you.

Frankie the Chiweenie asked. . . 
Yo, sis. What happened to the newborn kittens

TVT: What do you mean you dufus? They're eating us out of home and kibble. They're 11 days old today and I can't wait to find them their forever homes, unlike M. 
Marilyn, aka Trouble, aka ....

Now go take on the day! 

Twinkie Van Twinkerson

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