It's a dog blog, a cat blog, a cat and dog blog. Fun, reviews, dog training tips . . .

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Dear Twinkie

Dog Advice Column
Martine asked...
Tuesdays are now our favorite day of the week! The kiddlets appreciate your great advice and have been reassured they will still exist after the peanut comes... that is if he makes his debut! Now a question from Caps: to get more attention is it ok to act totally crazy and out of control when I visit the potty park? also, what do you think it means that I want to jump on any dog that weights at least 200x more than I do?
TVT: The "peanut debut" BOL Nicely put. Oh, Captain, my captain... I've seen your wonderful youtube videos and there's no way I'd ever discourage you from your cracker-life-style. We teenies are brave at heart and full of energy. Yes, by all means, go nuts and jump on any dog you can reach! For the ones you can't reach, I suggest a ramp or a set of steps, which incidentally you can use to go over the new roadblocks in your own home. 
mayziegal asked...
Dear Twinkie Yo Yo Ma Chico Bandito, I thinks you did another real outstanding job on your advice column. You're like Dr. Laura only less scary and mean. My question is, in two weeks, I haves to take my high school graduation test and I'm real afraids I might flunk it. What should I do if I gets stuck on an answer? Mom says it's wrong to cheat.
Wiggles & Wags,
TVT: Yo, Mayzie, I realize there's an extra degree of difficulty since you left me this question, seeing that your mommy is all the way in Nooor Kitty. Do not worry one bit. If Frankie can do it, you can do it, and it looks as if Frankie will be graduating and getting her CGC around the same time you do. After all I know you'll be getting extra cheese from dad while mom is out of town, and that will definitely help with your self esteem and focus. 
My mom says that even though cheating is wrong, sometimes it's necessary, especially when it's regarding school. In your case though, you don't even need to cheat. Just be yourself and relax. Don't forget to share the good news, when you ace it!
3 doxies asked...
Twink, I did finds my thinking cap and I dids come back and askeded you a question...hmmmmm. Maybes your fish oil hasn't kicked in either...hehehehe!
TVT: ??? I am very confused, but I believe it's Blogger we can both blame for this. I do empathize with you. I've lost many comments throughout my blogging career. 
Hi ........Twinkerson , you fill in the blanks. We love reading your advice. Do you have any advice for us?
Love Ruby & Penny
TVT: As a matter of fact, I do. I don't like the sound of that Nickel dude. I mean, you're just furiends, right? You will never find a better husband than our Frankie Furter. Stay true to your man and enjoy Date Night for now. Did you see how your Frankie asked Daisy's dad NOT to be kissing him? I rest my case.
Twink with such a long beautiful name, why are you a TV news reporter. We have those people with long names here in L.A. BOL
Benny & Lily
TVT: That is why I changed it to Twinkie Van Twinkerson--my pen name!
Dear Twinkie Maria Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-Bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson, we (me, Remi, Noelle, Merlin, and current foster pets) all really enjoy reading your advice column each week. Noelle has a question for you. She wants to know if its okay to keep doing zoomies even though she is now a mature adult at 1 and a half years old. She doesn't want the foster dogs to lose respect for her if she still acts like a puppy. Can you please give her some advice
TVT: I believe you should continue enjoying your zoomies for as long as you can. I mean, think about it. It was barking, your breed, physical handicap, and naughty behavior that ensured your forever home almost a year ago. Zoom away and be grateful every minute. And if the other fosters don't get it, too bad for them. 
Lorenza asked...
Hi, Dear Twinkie Marie Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson! I wonder why I always forget my question when I finish writting your name! Haaa! Kisses and hugs, Lorenza
TVT: I would normally recommend fish oil supplements, but not for your case. I believe you're distracted by the revenges and the dresses. Another major disruptive factor in your life is the fabulous auntie! 
Cocorue asked...
dear dear TwinkieMCECDCCTwinkerson, you are one dang smart Chi and i don't say that YOU think there's a WaWaLand? go figure and find a way to stop my mumster embarrasing me ALL the time! NO ONE has ever picked that up or they were too dang polite to ask BOL BOL BOL!
My NEXT Q: do you think i can sell my mumster on eBay? i have never seen a 2legger being sold at auction. Awaiting your wise answer as the sooner i sell her, the better returns i will get as i think her SELL OUT date is expiring!
TVT: I found wawaland! (but don't click if you scare easily) There's a supersized photo of a blond chocking a tiny chi. Your NEXT Q is really easy to answer. Of course I had to do a little "borrowing" but I think my furiends Loki and Juno will not be offended (not sure about their dad).  Thanks to Wild Dingo, I present you with a model 2-legger ebay add. 
And if he doesn't sell out of pity,
I bet he'll sell for top $$$ for his grrreat sense of humor!!!

Your advice is great, but my question is, do you let your sisters help with the advice. I know your Italian sister is older, so does she help?
Sally Ann
TVT: My dearest Sally Ann, I'll answer any question from your lovely self. I guess I forgot to mention, but my older Italian sister is just older. She's not wiser. Plus, she doesn't speak but a couple of words in English. The biggest help I can expect from both my sissies is their not tooting when I'm working on the computer. 
Mr Koda MD asked...
Dearest Twinkie Marie Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson - yet another genius instalment! A question if I may: Howcome when a dog chases a cat.. and the cat stops, turns around and swipes with the razor paws.. that I end up feeling like my schnoz is on fire? Please help! Koda
TVT: I consulted with Linguini who is usually the one with the bloody nose. She said to trim the kitty's lethal weapons and if that doesn't do it, put on the acrylic nails to embarrass her. That should keep the cat-astrophic kitties away from you and the burning sensation with them.
Take THIS, kitty!

Hi Twink, whenever hoomans come to visit, I am excited to see them and my head starts spinning around like Linda Blaire in the Exorcist. Do you think this is unusual behavior for a furrendly pup like me? I'm starting to get a complex! Thanks!
Your pal, Riley
TVT: I believe your problem is rooted even deeper than you imagine. It's probably a reflection of your angst when Star T.P.d the bathroom and mentioned you as her accomplice.  I suggest that next time you're expecting guests, you do five minutes of neck warm up exercises. All I care about is that you don't come unhinged. And don't forget, unless you start throwing up like Linda Blair, humans will find you adorable. Friendlier pups have done worse. My chiweenie sissy still pees on our guests out of her overt friendliness; and that's when she's not twirling mid air. 
It was my birthday yesterday

Luckily, I have many wonderful FaceBook friends who reminded M. She was surprised at first, but then she turned all emo on me. She never thought I'd make it this far. I must say, I had my doubts too. Frankie, my Chiweenie sissy, played a big part in this. In my efforts to keep up with the little brat, I got healthier than I've ever been. I hope I'm around for a long time, but if not, I have a looong list of furiends waiting for me at the bridge and I'm looking forward to that too. Life is good! Hasta la vista, baby!!!

Now go take on the day!



Nadine said...

Happy Barkday Twink!!! We too hope that you are around for a VERY long time, as life would just not be the same in Bloggerland without you!!

Extra special Waggles & Chi kisses for your Barkday, Chewy & Lilibell

Toby- The dog with a blog said...

Oh Happy birthday Twinkie, we love your cake!

Ruby and Penny said...

Happy, Happy Birthday Twinkie. We hope it rained boned from the sky yesterday
Love Ruby & Penny

We thank you for the words of wisdom about Frankie. We know he is going to make a wonder husband.

Frankie Furter said...

OMD OMD... I am sooooo sorry that I didn't know it was your birthday.
And... thank you for putting in such kind words about me to my ladies. After I found out they were checking out the HUNKS on Date Night.. I was a little worried. Butt then, I worry a lot. I guess that will continue until the day they finally say We Do.

3 doxies said...

Oh Twinkeltoes, you just keels me with your smarticles. You are like Ghandi...only you are from Mexico. And it's your birthday and Ghandi is dead. Happy Birthday to one hack of a FABULAS furiend.
Does you mind if I calls You Twinkletoes? See, I likes to have nicknames fur my friends. Frankie Furter is Mr. Furter, Toby is Tobester, The Pittie Pack is the Pit Crew, blah, blah, blah.

The OP Pack said...

Happy Birthday,Twink - how many years young are you? Great column, but we expect nothing less.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

K9friend said...

Happy birthday, Twinkie! I hope M made the day extra-special, once she realized how special it was!

Indy sends a question:

Why do humans think dogs need obedience training. Shouldn't it be people who get trained?

Draco and his Mom said...

HAPPY HAPPY Birthday little Twink.
you are sure adored by lots of people. We love to come over on Tuesdays and read your advice column.

Wild Dingo said...

Happy Barkday Twinkles! You look so darling in that cake! Juno only WISHES she could sell Mr. Wild Dingo on e-baby. Due to his opposable thumbs, he removed the cone of shame and alas no bidders would bid. sigh. She will not stop trying though. So thanks for your advice!

Madi and Mom said...

Happy Birthday Twinkie!!!
Great advice today...I think you covered all the bases.
Madi and Mom

Dog Foster Mom said...

Another great advice column - and Noelle thanks you for answering her question! We hope you had a very Happy Birthday!

JackDaddy said...

I don't think you're like Dr. Laura at all - I think you have too much sense to be like Dr. Laura! :)

Tucker said...

Happy Birthday Twink!

As I can see a lady of your style doesn't devulge her age?

woof - Tucker

kissa-bull said...

oh twinkie van twinkerson
we send you double and quadruple extra slobbery wiff cherry on top sugars from all the pittie pack for you barkday!!! mommish sends her happy barkday song but please take our advise and know that its better read than heard

pibble wiggles
the pittie pack

Ina in Alaska said...

Dear Miss Twinkie Happy Birthday to you !!! Wee love u!!! xoxo Toby Ginger, Jeter and Halle

Pee Ess for Next Week's Dear Twinkie

Dear Twinkie Dolce Gabana Tiramisu Ooo La La Cutie Pie..

1. I have a secret crush on you, Miss Twinky but I know you are taken. And we are both little doggies but I do not want any more trouble in my life!

2. How can I get my big sister Ginger to stop picking on me?

Love and Kisses Jeter who is named after the famous Yankee Baseball Hunk, Derek Jeter

Remington said...

Here is a BIG Newfie Birthday hug just for you! Hope you had a great day! Lots of love and treats! Good advice today!

Sagira said...

Happy Belated Birthday! Hope you got lots of goodies!

Lola said...

OMD, I had no idea. Happy belated birthday. I hope it was as pawsome as you are.

wags, Lola

CreekHiker said...

Happy Belated sweet girl! We love you so!!! Your column is most amusing!

Benny and Lily said...

Hope you are getting paid for this
Benny & Lily

houndstooth said...

I'm glad you at least got cake out of M for your birthday! How could she forget something so important? Maybe you need to get some fish oil capsules for her!


Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Happy Twinkie Day!


the booker man said...

happy belated birthday, miss twinkie!!! that looks like a super delicious cake you got there! :)
okies, i have a serious question for you for your next column. somehow i got these super manly muscles while i was at twix's date night. i really don't know how it happened. now everybuddy is asking if i have been juicing. i'm not even allowed to drink juice, just the waters in my dish. how would juices give me muscles anyway? and if drinking juices will give me chesticles, should i go get some apple juice or something? i'm totally confused.
the booker man

Lorenza said...

Happy Birthday, Twinkie!
I am sure you had a pawesome day!
And thanks a lot for your advice!
Now I know...
Kisses and hugs

Amber and Nala said...

I had no idea you started an advice column! How cool! So, how can I get out of a bath? If you tell me the secret to that I will forever be in your debt!


Cocorue said...

Happy Belated my darling TwinkTwink

did you get to eat that beautiful cake?

you ARE the ONE.....i knew you were smart but didn't realise how brilliant you are! you found WaWaLand and i Really didn't know it existed!!!!!

urgh, That blond urgh....everyone says I"M HERE because of Her @##$%%#$$%%!!!!!!( yep, that's how i feel bol!) and that Tinkerbell!!!

oh wise one, do you think Wild Dingo's 3legger will loan that Cone to my 2legger?
if not, do you think he would mind posing with my mumster for the ebay advert so that mumster's resale value would errr, Double????

your ever grateful furiend

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

I know Mom left you a birthday note on that Facebook thing that sucks up so much of her day, but Happy Birthday again! Now, a question for you, Oh Wise One: when will the little monster, erm, my sweet sister learn to bark at the door to be let out, rather than just hoping that Mom and Dad will read her mind, and when they don't, just peeing at the front door? It is driving Mom crazy and is cutting into her much-needed beauty sleep! Please help! (True, she's only 4.5 months old, but still...)

*kissey face*

Buddy Dawg said...

Happy Birfday!
You haz most beutiful kayk!

My kewshtyun...
So I was under impreshun dat bein da bliynd dawg haz perk wut waz dat hyoman wud karry me all da playces wut I want to go. I wud not haf to work for da nommies and da kibbul wud be ovurflowing.
Why did my hyoman not know saym stuff? Evun as bliyndy dawg her maked me lerned all new triks for da nommies, and ::gasp:: haz me on diyet cuz I kinnot getted fat.

Dip-Dip and The Bridge said...

Happy Belated Birthday Twink, sorry we missed it. Hope you had a wonderful day with nummies galore!
Wags, Dip Bridge and Elliot xx

Maggie and Mitch said...

Happy birthday, Twink! What a beautiful cake you're popping out of! We hope you got to eat the whole thing!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Anonymous said...

Hi Twink! I missed you! Did you miss me?

Firstly, happy happy Barkday to you, my furend. I hope you had a Most Magnificent day to match Most Magnificent YOU!

Secondly, thank you very very much for your advices about my test tonite. I'm a little bits nervous cuz it's supposed to be raining and maybe thundering tonite and I might get distracted by all that. But I'm just gonna go in there and do my best and try my hardest. And you know what? My momma isn't gonna luvs me any less if I don't pass! So really, whats have I gots to lose?

Wiggles & Wags,

Cloud the Wonder Dog said...

Happy Berfday Twinkie!!!

**dances a jig in honor of Twinkie's berfday**


Deborah said...

Happy Birthday Twinkie! I hope you have a happy and healthy year! I'm going to give our dogs cookies for you in celebration of your big day!
So we have a question about our Mom:
Dear Twinkie, Mr Chips here...I'm wondering if you think our Mom has a shopping problem. She is always going out shopping and bringing home stuff and window shopping for her friends. What is going on with that? She says she is fine, but she will say she is out on a sales call but will come home with a package for us. I hope you can help.
Thanks, Mr. Chips

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