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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

mayziegal asked...
Twinkie - as always, you give the bestest advice!

My question is: Do you thinks it's morally wrong to destuff stuffies? If so, is there a treatment facility that I can checks myself into?

Thank you, thank you for helping to spread the word abouts my contest that starts tomorrow! I'm so excited! I hopes we raise lotsa green papers!

Wiggles & Wags,
Mayzie
TVT: Immoral? Destuffing is a necessity. Do you not need oxygen to be able to breathe? Does the earth not turn? Have you stopped enjoying dog treats? Of course not. Well, guess what, the destuffication of stuffies is vital to all of us. Get rid of your inhibitions and hang ups and enjoy the most natural thing in the world. And congratulations on your 201 (and still increasing) guesses! And for those who don't know what I'm talking about, do stop by Mayzie's blog, you will not regret it.
Mayzie demonstrating a tickling and a destuffing technique!
Twinkie... all this talk of (SHUDDER) SQUIRRELS...
I will have trouble sleeping now. As you will see in a few days... I am SURE that Squirrels are out to GET ME!!! They are everywhere I look. BAH and DOUBLE BAH!!!!
SOOOO NOW HERE IS MY QUESTION FOR THE WEEK...
I have to go away for a few days. I left pre-posts, butt I can't let my comments just appear, beclaws I have gotten three more Alien Comments this week!!!
Sooooo Is there anything else I can do to keep my furends from furgetting me while I am in Pencil Vane E Ah ???? I really worry about this. One can Never afford to lose a furend, you know.
TVT: Dearest Frankie, you worry too much. You worry about everything from comments to squirrels. I understand because you're such a caring and sensitive dude, but you must relax a bit. Chill. All the aliens want is to enjoy your blog too. Welcome the invasion for now and when you get back, exterminate them. That simple. Go have fun and don't think for a minute that your friends will forget you. You're quite memorable. 
Case in point
hero asked...
You're the wise one, Twinkie... and you have a funny bone in you too :)... I love your advice.

Q: How do I convince my hoomans that I don't need to bathe once a week, only when necessary, say if I fall into cat poop sewage.

Licks, hero
TVT: I know, I know, Hero. I'm painfully aware of your bathing issue. I must say I empathize. I suggest you give my dog training tips a shot. Convince your bipeds that baths must all be accompanied by your favorite edibles. After they've mastered this skill, start rolling in cat poop regularly. In the least, you'll be getting more baths and more treats this way. Have fun rolling! 
I'd first remove my tie though
Brilliant Q&A session as always. Now that I think about it, I do have one question: what is this burning sensation Nigel is always complaining about after he visits those unscrupulous Poodles at the dog park? ;)
TVT: That's an easy one. Nigel is painfully aware of poor Sola's botched spay job . . . that you've got hanging over his head. Nigel's condition is obviously psychosomatic because you've put the fear of Dog in him. 
Relax, Nigel
Frankie asked…
Hey, Twink. You announced the other day that I was fully potty trained. Guess again. Mommy found my secret bathrooms yesterday. Does this mean I'm not fully potty trained yet?
TVT: You bratwurst! Is that why we can't breathe in our home lately? I'm going to share my small dog potty training tips with mommy. You obviously need to be restricted at this point. It would also help if you'd start eating like a dog instead of an Orik vacuum cleaner. Tsk tsp… Canine Good Citizen my-ami! Excuse my language.
Guilty chiweenie
Mango asked…
Dear Miss Twinkie,
I had a date with Miss Tula this week, but halfway through the date this smokin hot burned yeast mountain dog showed up and I sang her my Mango love song. Tula was quite chuffed and used HBO words with me. What did I do wrong?

Slobbers,
Mango
TVT: Yikes, we all know that the Mango can be weak at times, but singing to another lady was rather rude--even for you. Besides, you left out the parts where you had your back turned on her. I highly recommend you turn to Frankie Flirter for advice on dating. This is just an advice column, not a rehab center. Next time you two meet, if she agrees to that, I would focus my attentions on Tula (and only Tula). I would book the entire room just of the two of you. This way you will make her feel special and you won't be tempted. Keep us posted.  
Things to avoid in the future

Now go take on the day!
Twinkie

27 comments:

Bijou said...

Hi Twink

Terrific advice as always!

I tried your training tips when my mom stopped at Sonic for ice cream and it totally worked! Thanks.

Waggles,
Bijou

JackDaddy said...

You give the best advice. You are very wise for someone so small!

Sagira said...

You give out some of the best advice ever Twinkie! :)

Rudy - The dog with a blog said...

Awesome advice column - as always!

Since I'm so very young, I don't know much yet, I do have a question for you:
Is it our fault (dogs), or our owner's (humans) fault if we have an accident inside?
I've always wondered that.

Rudy

Khyra, Khousin Merdie, And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Great job again this week!

I think Tula and I need to work out a 'special' date fur The RH!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra & Khousin Merdie

Sugar the Golden Retriever said...

Woof! Woof! Twinkie ... GREAT ONE. Pawsome!!! LOVE it! Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

Asta said...

Twinkie
What would we do wifout youw sage advice..this week, as usual , you have stwaightened out many of my mixed up fwiends.
Thank you
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Most excellent advice, as always! (Especially for Mango, the dating-challenged...) *ahem* So, wise one, I have a question for you: why, when it rains, does Mom get all bent out of shape about me wrestling with Abby (the mutant puppy monster) in the mud? What is her problem? Thanks!

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy

houndstooth said...

More excellent advice, Twink!

I wanted to share this link with Frankie, in case she hasn't seen it! http://riverdogprints.com/dogblog/dogs-without-blogs-beans/

Bunny

Frankie Furter said...

Sound and Sage advice my furend. You are the best at PAWting things in perspecitve.

Lola said...

You are such a good advice giver. I don't think I have a question this week. Hero covered one of my big issues with the weekly bath thing. But I'm just trying to soak up your general good advice so as to increase my general wisdom level.

wags, Lola

Benny and Lily said...

Oh Twinkie we learn so much from your good advice! Thank you
Benny & Lily

K9friend said...

Who needs Dear Abby or Ask Heloise when we have you?

Pat
www.critteralley.blogspot.com

Mr Koda MD said...

Fantastical advice TVT!
I have a question... How did you become so knowledgable? You know the answer to everything, is there something like Wikipedia I can use to become even half as smart as you?

Basking in your glow
Koda

Tanuki Maxx said...

Good advice there Twinkie!
Destuffing is a definite must!!

Cheers,
Maxx

Life With Dogs said...

Well played all the way around Twinkie! Come to think of it, I don't have any questions left. You are dispensing much knowledge for small minded folks like me! :)

Sonic said...

Good advice, Twinkie! Now you've become a love doctor too!

Sonic

hero said...

Thanks for all the great advice, Twinkie... you're the wise one indeed.

Q: Each time I go to the park, I can't resist sniffing the butts of all the dogs, my hoomans suggest to sign me up for BSA... Butt Sniffing Anonymous, is there something wrong with that?

Licks, hero

Dory and the Mama said...

Hi Miss Twinkie...Great advice as usual!!

Here is my question...why is it that Mama feels like she has to take ME to the groomer when she grooms Jacob and Dory at home...??

Thank you kisses!
Bilbo

Lorenza said...

Hi, Twinkie!
Pawesome job... as always!
I took note of the destuffing issue!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Mango said...

Golly, Twink, thanks for the advice, I think. Are you sure that I can't look at other gals when I am out with Tula? Sob. I will give it a try.

Slobbers,
Mango

Niamh said...

You are so good at the advice Twinkie. Such wisdom in such a little body!

Your friends,
Niamh & Ambrose

Ruby and Penny said...

Great advice Twinkie.
Love Ruby & Penny

Cheryl, Indiana, Shingo and Molly said...

Twinkie,
You always have the bestest advice!

Woofs and Kisses!
The Fiesty Three

Paco,Milo, Maya and mommy Simona said...

OMD Twinkie.....
what a great great advice you give on your blog!!!!
We're sooooooooooooooo sorry haven't been around for so long but we had bad times!!!!
Now we hope everithing is back to the normality so we could visit you often as before!!!!
WE MISSED YOU TONS!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you all ok guys????
Can't wait to read another great advice from you!!!!
WE LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
Smack

mayziegal said...

Whew! I'm so happy to hear that I don't have to gives up my stuffie de-stuffing addiction - I mean - past time. Thank you, thank you, Twinkie. I shall destuffs a stuffie in your name soon!

Wiggles & Wags,
mayzie

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie said...

Yup Twink, you are the new master of advice columnists!! Move over Dear Abby. Hasta la vista BabyRocketDog. Twinkie is King!!
WelshieHugs,
Hootie

I bow to you! X-BabyRD

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