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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

Martine asked...
Cool HIKE!!!! 
THis might be a question for Tuesday... but do you think Captain is too small for a dog backpack? 
xo martine & the kiddlets

TVTNo, he's just perfect!(chuckle)

See, he fits just fine!

Awesome advice column - as always!
Since I'm so very young, I don't know much yet, I do have a question for you:
Is it our fault (dogs), or our owner's (humans) fault if we have an accident inside?
I've always wondered that.

TVTYoung and wise, I see. Other youngsters would not have questioned the bipeds' shortcomings. You're going to be one awesome guide dog for the blind. It's the humans' fault is the correct answer. Why can't they tell when we need to go potty? What prevents them from opening a door for us every time we get the urge? Rest assured, you've done nothing wrong and my sissy, Frankie the chiweenie, will gladly back me up on this one. Oh, and one more piece of advice, during the following week, feel free to share responsibility for all accidents with Sparkie. 
"Wasn't me"

Most excellent advice, as always! (Especially for Mango, the dating-challenged...) *ahem* So, wise one, I have a question for you: why, when it rains, does Mom get all bent out of shape about me wrestling with Abby (the mutant puppy monster) in the mud? What is her problem? Thanks!
*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy

TVTTo use your own words, "mud, what mud"? BOL It's universal. Moms do get all bent out of shape over silly nuisances, but with proper dog training, they can slowly learn (they are slow learners and that's a fact). I have faith in you and your mutant sister. Mud is readily available after the snow melts and after a rain. That pauses a problem with consistency. Try to create your own mud, seek it everywhere and make sure you always cover yourself in it. Did you know that it's a new trend now that grooming places offer mud baths for dogs? Some people believe that dog mud baths even get rid of fleas. Please have your mom read about therapeutic mud baths, and tell her you're saving her money. She will eventually come around.

Remember: mud baths have hidden benefits

Mom's been too busy lately and all I want is to go hiking with dogs. What's up with that?

TVTYou sweet lil' rude girl, our senior dog needed a rest above all. Now that she's feeling better, we'll get mom to take us on a dog hike. Go bother someone else with your silly questions. Didn't you learn anything at your AKC canine good citizen class?
Hiking with a senior dog needs to be done responsibly

Mr Koda MD asked...
Fantastical advice TVT! 
I have a question... How did you become so knowledgable? You know the answer to everything, is there something like Wikipedia I can use to become even half as smart as you? 
Basking in your glow

TVTTsk tsp, Mr Koda. I'm very concerned about you. I mean, you're the type of dog that when hungry, falls asleep on the hand that feeds you. I must say, I'm a bit at a loss here, and that's rare for me. Okay, I will recommend intense audio-visual therapy here. I believe you need stimulation. I prescribe a minimum of two hours a day of quality web browsing (try and another two hours of quality television show viewing (American Idol, South Park, and Bridezillas). Get back to me in a few days and let me know about your progress.Basking in your beauty.
Case in point

hero asked...
Thanks for all the great advice, Twinkie... you're the wise one indeed.
Q: Each time I go to the park, I can't resist sniffing the butts of all the dogs, my hoomans suggest to sign me up for BSA... Butt Sniffing Anonymous, is there something wrong with that?
Licks, hero

TVT: You lucky dawg, you! Unlike, Nip/Tox, the catnip rehab center, BSA is the place to be if you're a butt sniffer. You get to make tons of friends who are all in the same boat. You all get to meet once a week and form the world famous sniff train (imagine a row of butt sniffers). Your sponsor is also going to be a seasoned and experiences sniffer. Welcome the opportunity and enjoy!
Always trust a sharpei's nose

Hi Miss Twinkie...Great advice as usual!!
Here is my question...why is it that Mama feels like she has to take ME to the dog groomer when she grooms Jacob and Dory at home...?? 
Thank you kisses!

TVT: Dear Bilbo, I am well aware that you wish you were a short haired dog so that you could do away with grooming altogether. Alas, life can be tough at times. My friend, you're only a  seven (almost) month old pup and you have to be patient with yourself. Grooming is not the end of the world, besides, you don't even like the folks at the groomer's. I say you observe Dory and Jacob carefully a few times and then imitate them. I promise, there will be dog treats involved.
Note to Bilbo's mama: I promised Bilbo treats, please deliver. 
Bilbo the way he likes to be remembered, as a younger pup not in need for grooming

Mango asked...
Golly, Twink, thanks for the advice, I think. Are you sure that I can't look at other gals when I am out with Tula? Sob. I will give it a try.

TVT: Yes, Mango, I am certain. You cannot look at other gals when out with Tula. Don't forget, you have a reputation too. You're a major flirt and word has spread around blog-land. I mean, I was never sure that there wasn't something going on between you and the fabulous Khyra and her fluffy pantaloons. Having been branded a "player" is definitely not conducive to your relationship with Tula, therefore you have to always focus your attention and affections toward her. 
Resist the urge to follow your nose

Pregnant cat update and a contest
FYI and of course feel free to join the party: I'm doing an informal CONTEST on my facebook  fan page taking guesses as to how many kittens our foster cat is going to have. Free giveaways included. You can click HERE to see the event and HERE for my FB page where you can upload your photo and guesstimate. Farrah is doing great. She's getting bigger all the time and today she can't even groom herself--she rolls over. She's rather anxious and tries to attack all of us including the hand that feeds her. Can't wait for the kittens to come. 

Now, go take on the day!


Rudy - The dog with a blog said...

We enjoyed your advice column Twinkie - very good!
Rudy says thanks for the answer.
He does plan to blame everything on Sparkie for the next week :)

Rudy's Raiser

Frankie Furter said...

Twinkie you are Wize beyond your Size!!!

JackDaddy said...

Another great set of dog advices!!

Remington said...

Another outstanding job Twink!

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie said...

ONce again you have informed and delighted us! We need to do a post on BSA. Hootie was involved in a BSA dasiy chain in a Phx dogpark and mommy actually caught it on film!

houndstooth said...

Another most enjoyable advice column, Twinkie!

Lately we've been admiring all the floof on the Sibes on some of our favorite blogs, like The Herd. Is it possible for us to get some kind of hair transplant? How can we grow some floof?


Cat Mandu said...

Dear Twinkie,
A girl cat in South Africa wants me to give her advice on how she should treat her Mom. Do I need a license in order to give out advice?

Sallie said...


You rock!

B.T.W. I'm lost in Hawaii. Do you know which way I should go?


SheilaC said...

Just wanted to say I love the pic of the little doggie in the back pack!!

Too bad my cats can't (won't) do that!



Dory and the Mama said...

Thanks so much Miss Twinkie...I am waiting patiently for my treats!!

Grumbly Snuggles!

Lorenza said...

Hi, Twinkie!
You are soooo smart!
Very good advices for our friends!
Glad to know Farrah is doing so well!
Take care
Kisses and hugs

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Khan I win a khytten of my furry own?


Tanuki Maxx said...

Great advice Twinkie!
woo are so smart!


Madi and Mom said...

Mom and I are here for you sweet friend. We do think Ms. Pregnant Kitty might be shredding you K9's to death because she has raging hormones!! We feel she will become much friendlier (well as friendly as a feline can be) once the babes are raised and out of her fur...sorry Twinkie that means about 6 more weeks of keep your distance.

Great advice today too,
Madi and Mom

Martine said...

BOL BOL!!!! Thank you for this good advice Twink... I certainly didn't want to carry around a stinken hike pack! I much prefer to be carried... I look good in that pack!


Peggy y Mhathy said...

Thanks for all your smartest advices. Peggy

Nadine, Chewy and Lilibell said...

Twink, you do give out some fantastical advice and we are becoming oh so wise beyond our years just from reading your column!!

Waggles & Chi kisses, Chewy & Lilibell

Mango said...

Twinkie, you sure set the bar high for some of us doggies. I will try to follow your advice, but it is not easy. Can I help it if there is so much Mango to go around?


the booker man said...

awesome sauce advice as always, miss twinkie! i've got another question for you for next time. see, me and my big sis asa are having a teensy tiny disagreement over who gets to snooze in the bigger of the 2 doggie beds. i say i should get the bigger bed cuz i am a bigger doggie. she says she should get the bigger bed cuz she's the oldest and a lady. who's right???
the booker man

ocmist said...

We just really enjoy getting a chance to come by and read your advice column, Twinkie! It's always got some chuckles and such great advice! I just wish I knew why pups have to lick the sides of older dog's mouths after not seeing them for a little while. I'm not fond of that as you probably saw in the blog about Pip's Ventura trip last weekend. BG

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

You are SO WISE!!! I am working with Mom (she is a bit thick at times..) to get her to understand that Mud Is Good. Luckily it has been raining in the afternoons, so I am slowly getting her to understand the value of quality mud. Thanks for having my back on this one!

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy

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