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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column


 ‪mayziegal‬ asked...
Thank you for all your very wise advices, Twinkie Doodle. I sure didn't mean to gets Frankie in troubles with his wives. But I kinda feel a deep connection with anybuddy else who has experience bear poop first-paw.

My question is this today. Remember how I went on date night with BOTH Booker Man and Mack? But, well, Mack has kinda disappeared off Blogworld and sweet Booker has been there with me through thick and thin. Do you think it's okay to consider myself exclusive with Booker? What if Mack comes back to Blogworld? Would that be awkward?

Take care of that big brain of yours, Twinkie! I don't know where we'd be without it!

Wiggles & Wags,


TVT: I personally don't get doggie monogamy. I respect those, like Frankie Furter (ex Frankie Flirter), who take the plunge, but I wouldn't ever limit myself to one beau. One of the advantages of being of the non human species is that we get to be polygamous. Now, I'm not talking about promiscuity, I'm only referring to dating and going out for frozen yöghund and movies. Relax, dear furiend and enjoy your time with your sweet Booker. I also recommend checking out our pet photo contest entries (Show Us Your Tongue) as a form of a doggie dating site, where we all meet and greet. I've personally picked out quite a few potential dating material doggies.
When Mack comes back to blogworld, he'll be too busy making excuses (like we all do) for his long and abrupt absence, to notice who you're dating.

I highly recommend you forget about exclusivity and broaden your horizons. Have a ball!

‪Tank‬ asked...
Another fine column Ms. Twinkie. You have a real gift for being able to sort through the gibberish that dogs write and getting right at the problem. Some of these dogs are just hopeless... I notice that they're back week after week after week with one silly question after another. I wonder how you keep your sanity (not a question for your column... unless you want it to be.) I think I'd be cursing and throwing things if I had to wade through letters like this every week. Did they ever legalize medicinal marijuana out there in sunny CA? Is that your secret?

TVT: I'll be glad to respond to you, after you're off your pain meds! You silly furiend. For the record, marijuana is not a stimulant. It is a depressant and a hallucinogen. I doubt I could have seen our last contest through had I been using marijuana. As for the legalization, medicinal marijuana use is indeed legal in Cali, but come November, even recreational marijuana may be legalized (although I  doubt it). Are you planning a move?

Enjoy your legal green grass as you fully recover

‪houndstooth‬ asked...
Well, Twink, Mom likes your advice better than mine, which involved cattle prod. 

We are sitting here in the dark on a stormy night with no electricity. I was wondering, what do you think is the best way to pass the time when you're sitting around in the dark?


TVT: A power outage is the ideal time to play hide and seek. It's okay if you can't find because it's too dark. You can also have fun playing tug in the dark, and keep in mind that whatever you break doing that, will not be seen, at least for a few hours. You can also play fetch with glow in the dark dog toys,  or led toys, like the Nite Ize Led K-9 pet ball. You can work on your canine IQ by playing brain teasers. Your parents can line up a few bowls, egg cartons, boxes, hiding a treat under one. Finders, keepers! And if your parents are lazy, you can have a store-bought puzzle, such as the Nina Ottosson's Interactive Dog Toy, handy.  Another couple of fun dog puzzles you can also play in the dark are the Premier Twist and Treat Dog Toy and the Premier busy buddy Tug-a jug If you are not prepared and don't have any of the above mentioned items handy, then my best suggestion is to play the "drive your pawrents nuts" game. It's an easy and fun activity for dogs.

Don't ever consider going back to your Greek roots!
They have constant power outages over there.

‪Sonic‬ asked...
Hi Twink! My Pops enjoys your column so much that he's planning to put something similar in a magazine that he works on. But he doesn't think his client will allow him to let a dog answer questions. 

Humans are short-sighted like that, huh? Any ideas on how he can convince them that a dog is just as smart and can solve problems?


TVT: Sure, Sonic. Have your humans sniff for cancer, bombs, or drugs and see how they fare. Then, dump them at a remote location and wait for them to come home. You rest and wait. And if that doesn't cover your question, think of all the times your humans kept staring at you blankly when you were trying to tell them something. Bottom line, who picks up who's poo?

The embodiment of K9 intelligence

Mango asked...
Dear Twinkie,

I have a question for your advice column. Why is it that many doggies seem to have trouble following instructions for exciting happy fun times competitions? Hehehe. Hahaha. Oh hohoho.


TVT: Since I've already established our superiority when our intelligence is compared to that of humans, I believe the problem is that most doggies had their humans enter them in the competition, and we all know how humans are. They don't read all of the instructions, they don't always get that email and blog addresses are  not the same, and fortunately for us, they all think that their pooch is so special that everyone should know his or her name. 

Mango laughing at his own jokes while getting Twinkie in trouble.

Frankie the chiweenie asked...
Mango has a point. Why don't you remind everyone about the Show Us Your Tongue pet photo contest and the deadlines?

TVT: At last! A question that makes sense. Good job, Frankie!

The results and the winners will be announced on
this blog on Tuesday, October 5th

Oskar asked...

Dear Genius Twinkie dog,
My mom person & I have created a new pet blogging site called Pet Blogs United.
It's a cool place to meet new friends, find out what's going on in the pet blogosphere, and get to be a Featured Blogger.
How can I spread the word to all of my friends?



TVT: Like this!


Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

* * *


As of today, Twinkie is taking a sabbatical for personal reasons and to do further work with animal rescues. The blog will not change. A blogger friend is going to be the new administrator, but he will NOT be monitoring comments. The pet photo contest results will be posted next Tuesday as scheduled.

I would like to thank you all my kind friends, furiends, and supporters. I will be seeing you in the future. Keep rocking, voting, laughing, and lighting up the animal blog-dom.

Now, go take on the day!

Twinkie Van Twinkerson
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