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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

Martine asked...
Cool HIKE!!!! 
THis might be a question for Tuesday... but do you think Captain is too small for a dog backpack? 
xo martine & the kiddlets

TVTNo, he's just perfect!(chuckle)

See, he fits just fine!

Awesome advice column - as always!
Since I'm so very young, I don't know much yet, I do have a question for you:
Is it our fault (dogs), or our owner's (humans) fault if we have an accident inside?
I've always wondered that.

TVTYoung and wise, I see. Other youngsters would not have questioned the bipeds' shortcomings. You're going to be one awesome guide dog for the blind. It's the humans' fault is the correct answer. Why can't they tell when we need to go potty? What prevents them from opening a door for us every time we get the urge? Rest assured, you've done nothing wrong and my sissy, Frankie the chiweenie, will gladly back me up on this one. Oh, and one more piece of advice, during the following week, feel free to share responsibility for all accidents with Sparkie. 
"Wasn't me"

Most excellent advice, as always! (Especially for Mango, the dating-challenged...) *ahem* So, wise one, I have a question for you: why, when it rains, does Mom get all bent out of shape about me wrestling with Abby (the mutant puppy monster) in the mud? What is her problem? Thanks!
*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy

TVTTo use your own words, "mud, what mud"? BOL It's universal. Moms do get all bent out of shape over silly nuisances, but with proper dog training, they can slowly learn (they are slow learners and that's a fact). I have faith in you and your mutant sister. Mud is readily available after the snow melts and after a rain. That pauses a problem with consistency. Try to create your own mud, seek it everywhere and make sure you always cover yourself in it. Did you know that it's a new trend now that grooming places offer mud baths for dogs? Some people believe that dog mud baths even get rid of fleas. Please have your mom read about therapeutic mud baths, and tell her you're saving her money. She will eventually come around.

Remember: mud baths have hidden benefits

Mom's been too busy lately and all I want is to go hiking with dogs. What's up with that?

TVTYou sweet lil' rude girl, our senior dog needed a rest above all. Now that she's feeling better, we'll get mom to take us on a dog hike. Go bother someone else with your silly questions. Didn't you learn anything at your AKC canine good citizen class?
Hiking with a senior dog needs to be done responsibly

Mr Koda MD asked...
Fantastical advice TVT! 
I have a question... How did you become so knowledgable? You know the answer to everything, is there something like Wikipedia I can use to become even half as smart as you? 
Basking in your glow

TVTTsk tsp, Mr Koda. I'm very concerned about you. I mean, you're the type of dog that when hungry, falls asleep on the hand that feeds you. I must say, I'm a bit at a loss here, and that's rare for me. Okay, I will recommend intense audio-visual therapy here. I believe you need stimulation. I prescribe a minimum of two hours a day of quality web browsing (try and another two hours of quality television show viewing (American Idol, South Park, and Bridezillas). Get back to me in a few days and let me know about your progress.Basking in your beauty.
Case in point

hero asked...
Thanks for all the great advice, Twinkie... you're the wise one indeed.
Q: Each time I go to the park, I can't resist sniffing the butts of all the dogs, my hoomans suggest to sign me up for BSA... Butt Sniffing Anonymous, is there something wrong with that?
Licks, hero

TVT: You lucky dawg, you! Unlike, Nip/Tox, the catnip rehab center, BSA is the place to be if you're a butt sniffer. You get to make tons of friends who are all in the same boat. You all get to meet once a week and form the world famous sniff train (imagine a row of butt sniffers). Your sponsor is also going to be a seasoned and experiences sniffer. Welcome the opportunity and enjoy!
Always trust a sharpei's nose

Hi Miss Twinkie...Great advice as usual!!
Here is my question...why is it that Mama feels like she has to take ME to the dog groomer when she grooms Jacob and Dory at home...?? 
Thank you kisses!

TVT: Dear Bilbo, I am well aware that you wish you were a short haired dog so that you could do away with grooming altogether. Alas, life can be tough at times. My friend, you're only a  seven (almost) month old pup and you have to be patient with yourself. Grooming is not the end of the world, besides, you don't even like the folks at the groomer's. I say you observe Dory and Jacob carefully a few times and then imitate them. I promise, there will be dog treats involved.
Note to Bilbo's mama: I promised Bilbo treats, please deliver. 
Bilbo the way he likes to be remembered, as a younger pup not in need for grooming

Mango asked...
Golly, Twink, thanks for the advice, I think. Are you sure that I can't look at other gals when I am out with Tula? Sob. I will give it a try.

TVT: Yes, Mango, I am certain. You cannot look at other gals when out with Tula. Don't forget, you have a reputation too. You're a major flirt and word has spread around blog-land. I mean, I was never sure that there wasn't something going on between you and the fabulous Khyra and her fluffy pantaloons. Having been branded a "player" is definitely not conducive to your relationship with Tula, therefore you have to always focus your attention and affections toward her. 
Resist the urge to follow your nose

Pregnant cat update and a contest
FYI and of course feel free to join the party: I'm doing an informal CONTEST on my facebook  fan page taking guesses as to how many kittens our foster cat is going to have. Free giveaways included. You can click HERE to see the event and HERE for my FB page where you can upload your photo and guesstimate. Farrah is doing great. She's getting bigger all the time and today she can't even groom herself--she rolls over. She's rather anxious and tries to attack all of us including the hand that feeds her. Can't wait for the kittens to come. 

Now, go take on the day!

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