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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Dear Twinkie

Dog Advice Column
Martine asked...
Tuesdays are now our favorite day of the week! The kiddlets appreciate your great advice and have been reassured they will still exist after the peanut comes... that is if he makes his debut! Now a question from Caps: to get more attention is it ok to act totally crazy and out of control when I visit the potty park? also, what do you think it means that I want to jump on any dog that weights at least 200x more than I do?
TVT: The "peanut debut" BOL Nicely put. Oh, Captain, my captain... I've seen your wonderful youtube videos and there's no way I'd ever discourage you from your cracker-life-style. We teenies are brave at heart and full of energy. Yes, by all means, go nuts and jump on any dog you can reach! For the ones you can't reach, I suggest a ramp or a set of steps, which incidentally you can use to go over the new roadblocks in your own home. 
mayziegal asked...
Dear Twinkie Yo Yo Ma Chico Bandito, I thinks you did another real outstanding job on your advice column. You're like Dr. Laura only less scary and mean. My question is, in two weeks, I haves to take my high school graduation test and I'm real afraids I might flunk it. What should I do if I gets stuck on an answer? Mom says it's wrong to cheat.
Wiggles & Wags,
TVT: Yo, Mayzie, I realize there's an extra degree of difficulty since you left me this question, seeing that your mommy is all the way in Nooor Kitty. Do not worry one bit. If Frankie can do it, you can do it, and it looks as if Frankie will be graduating and getting her CGC around the same time you do. After all I know you'll be getting extra cheese from dad while mom is out of town, and that will definitely help with your self esteem and focus. 
My mom says that even though cheating is wrong, sometimes it's necessary, especially when it's regarding school. In your case though, you don't even need to cheat. Just be yourself and relax. Don't forget to share the good news, when you ace it!
3 doxies asked...
Twink, I did finds my thinking cap and I dids come back and askeded you a question...hmmmmm. Maybes your fish oil hasn't kicked in either...hehehehe!
TVT: ??? I am very confused, but I believe it's Blogger we can both blame for this. I do empathize with you. I've lost many comments throughout my blogging career. 
Hi ........Twinkerson , you fill in the blanks. We love reading your advice. Do you have any advice for us?
Love Ruby & Penny
TVT: As a matter of fact, I do. I don't like the sound of that Nickel dude. I mean, you're just furiends, right? You will never find a better husband than our Frankie Furter. Stay true to your man and enjoy Date Night for now. Did you see how your Frankie asked Daisy's dad NOT to be kissing him? I rest my case.
Twink with such a long beautiful name, why are you a TV news reporter. We have those people with long names here in L.A. BOL
Benny & Lily
TVT: That is why I changed it to Twinkie Van Twinkerson--my pen name!
Dear Twinkie Maria Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-Bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson, we (me, Remi, Noelle, Merlin, and current foster pets) all really enjoy reading your advice column each week. Noelle has a question for you. She wants to know if its okay to keep doing zoomies even though she is now a mature adult at 1 and a half years old. She doesn't want the foster dogs to lose respect for her if she still acts like a puppy. Can you please give her some advice
TVT: I believe you should continue enjoying your zoomies for as long as you can. I mean, think about it. It was barking, your breed, physical handicap, and naughty behavior that ensured your forever home almost a year ago. Zoom away and be grateful every minute. And if the other fosters don't get it, too bad for them. 
Lorenza asked...
Hi, Dear Twinkie Marie Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson! I wonder why I always forget my question when I finish writting your name! Haaa! Kisses and hugs, Lorenza
TVT: I would normally recommend fish oil supplements, but not for your case. I believe you're distracted by the revenges and the dresses. Another major disruptive factor in your life is the fabulous auntie! 
Cocorue asked...
dear dear TwinkieMCECDCCTwinkerson, you are one dang smart Chi and i don't say that YOU think there's a WaWaLand? go figure and find a way to stop my mumster embarrasing me ALL the time! NO ONE has ever picked that up or they were too dang polite to ask BOL BOL BOL!
My NEXT Q: do you think i can sell my mumster on eBay? i have never seen a 2legger being sold at auction. Awaiting your wise answer as the sooner i sell her, the better returns i will get as i think her SELL OUT date is expiring!
TVT: I found wawaland! (but don't click if you scare easily) There's a supersized photo of a blond chocking a tiny chi. Your NEXT Q is really easy to answer. Of course I had to do a little "borrowing" but I think my furiends Loki and Juno will not be offended (not sure about their dad).  Thanks to Wild Dingo, I present you with a model 2-legger ebay add. 
And if he doesn't sell out of pity,
I bet he'll sell for top $$$ for his grrreat sense of humor!!!

Your advice is great, but my question is, do you let your sisters help with the advice. I know your Italian sister is older, so does she help?
Sally Ann
TVT: My dearest Sally Ann, I'll answer any question from your lovely self. I guess I forgot to mention, but my older Italian sister is just older. She's not wiser. Plus, she doesn't speak but a couple of words in English. The biggest help I can expect from both my sissies is their not tooting when I'm working on the computer. 
Mr Koda MD asked...
Dearest Twinkie Marie Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson - yet another genius instalment! A question if I may: Howcome when a dog chases a cat.. and the cat stops, turns around and swipes with the razor paws.. that I end up feeling like my schnoz is on fire? Please help! Koda
TVT: I consulted with Linguini who is usually the one with the bloody nose. She said to trim the kitty's lethal weapons and if that doesn't do it, put on the acrylic nails to embarrass her. That should keep the cat-astrophic kitties away from you and the burning sensation with them.
Take THIS, kitty!

Hi Twink, whenever hoomans come to visit, I am excited to see them and my head starts spinning around like Linda Blaire in the Exorcist. Do you think this is unusual behavior for a furrendly pup like me? I'm starting to get a complex! Thanks!
Your pal, Riley
TVT: I believe your problem is rooted even deeper than you imagine. It's probably a reflection of your angst when Star T.P.d the bathroom and mentioned you as her accomplice.  I suggest that next time you're expecting guests, you do five minutes of neck warm up exercises. All I care about is that you don't come unhinged. And don't forget, unless you start throwing up like Linda Blair, humans will find you adorable. Friendlier pups have done worse. My chiweenie sissy still pees on our guests out of her overt friendliness; and that's when she's not twirling mid air. 
It was my birthday yesterday

Luckily, I have many wonderful FaceBook friends who reminded M. She was surprised at first, but then she turned all emo on me. She never thought I'd make it this far. I must say, I had my doubts too. Frankie, my Chiweenie sissy, played a big part in this. In my efforts to keep up with the little brat, I got healthier than I've ever been. I hope I'm around for a long time, but if not, I have a looong list of furiends waiting for me at the bridge and I'm looking forward to that too. Life is good! Hasta la vista, baby!!!

Now go take on the day!


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