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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

Dear Twinkie is a weekly advice column posted every Tuesday. Do you have questions that you need answered or news that you want to spread? Then leave me, Twinkie Van Twinkerson, a note on Tuesday's comments and I'll address it. This blog and column are strictly rated G and only meant for your enjoyment.

pam asked...
Hey Twinkie. Did we miss something? Did M give all them kitties away or somethin?

Bobo and Meja
TVT: Oh, please, don't bring this up. M is still in mourning over the kittens. Allow me to skip the explanation and provide you a link instead (see response to Twix near end). We're all out of tissue in our home and M is now using my blankie, you understand, right? Now go be nice to mommy and give her extra love and slobbery kisses for me. 
This picture is for your mommy!
mayziegal asked...
Hmmm...I am not sure how I feels about my girlfurends throwing cheese at my boyfurend. I just hope he saves some for me!

Okay, my question this week is abouts this thing called Twitter that my mom has signed us up for. It doesn't really make much sense to me. She says we're supposed to "tweet" at people but I don't speak BIRD! Is there some sort of correspondence course I can take?

Thank you ever so much for your Most Wise Advice!

Wiggles & Wags,
TVT: Mayzie, you are embarrassing me. I've been praising you for your smarts and now this? Darling, you can even tree a raccoon, since when can't you cope with birds? I believe that a dog with your skills would be fluent in no time. I recommend the Rosetta Stone Bird. 
Don't look at me like that! Start studying!

Great suggestion for Phantom, although he and TD have conjured up something a bit more daring. Mom doesn't know about it yet. Now any idea how we can get him to eat?

Woos, Thunder and Ciara, both plotting to escapt for the big Pawty Night Friday the 13th.
TVT: Perhaps you are all unaware, but Phantom is an avid reader of my blog. I bet you he's read all my dog training tips. Therefore, think smart. Phantom knows that during sick days we can capitalize by training our families better. He's too smart for you two. So give him what he wants. Dog treats, home cooking, and a bit of Nutri Cal. Meanwhile, I dug through my records and found the recipe for homemade dog treats that brought me back from the unnamed. I got it from my ol' pal, Mabel. Read carefully! 
Ingredients: 1 lb chicken liver, 1 cup white flour, 1 cup corn meal, thyme, oregano, sage, garlic powder (new studies have discovered garlic can trigger dog allergies in a few poor fellows). Pulverize the liver in a blender. Mix the flower with the corn meal and cover the top with the seasonings. Pour the liquified liver over the dry ingredients. Line a cookie sheet with foil, spray with Pam. Bake for 15 minutes at 400 degrees till it bubbles on top. Let it cool--really. Cut in squares. Make sure Phantom does not overeat.
I told you to make sure Phantom does not overeat!
pee s -- how on earth did miss bunny fit a german shepherd in her backpack?! i also just about died of the giggles when i saw the binaca spray. heeheehee!
TVT: Miss Bunny is an exceptional female. Ask her mom and she'll confirm. That girl's got everybody twisted around her little greyhound paws. Besides, haven't you ever looked inside a woman's purse? You can find just about anything you need in there, and backpacks are bigger!
"Happy Campers"
Do woo have a khamera here to watch how I REALLY do it?

TVT: Well, as a matter of fact, the answer is "yes". Hello, girlfriend. Wake up and smell the kibble. You're an internet superstar! You get photographed just about every day plus there's a special channel called youtube that is dedicated to you. 
This is how Ms Khyra REALLY does it. With a great sense of humor!
K9friend asked...
Wise and wonderful...what else is there to be said?

TVT: There's always something else to be said. 
Get out of there! You're making mom late for work!
ForPetsSake asked...
Miss Twinkie, I have a question for you...I cleaned the teeth of a teeny, tiny chihuahua today at the vet clinic. I can't help but wonder what little ones like you think when they see the bigger dogs. I only have 2 big girls myself. Any insights? Much love!
TVT: I can't stand small dogs. They're yappy, nippy, and just plain annoying. I love big dogs because I always know where I stand with them. My best furiends are large dogs. I'd love to become furiends with your girls. Especially now that I know you offer double breakfasts at your home.
Our new furiends, Arwen and Nyxie waiting for their proper welcome to blog-land.
Oooh! Ooooh! If Tank manages to herd all the idiots in the world together, can we help in the ankle biting?!? Pretty please? Okay, now my question for you, Ms. TVT: Why is my little mutant sister SUCH a doofus? Will she EVER grow out of this doofusness, or I am doomed to be stuck with a doofus sister forever?

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy
TVT: Absolutely on the ankle biting. It wouldn't be a proper idiot gathering without the ankle biting! Good call. As for the doofus part of your question, I suggest you watch who Abby hangs out with. 
Hugo looks suspicious. I don't believe he's helping with your objective.
BOL. Twink you amaze and delight. Hey, here's a qq for you: How come so many of the comments that are in Chinese script have nothing to do with the post they comment on? Also, do you have any idea how to delete unwanted comments on the cbox?? (Mommy had to delete her cbox because of so many awful spam messages.)
Smooches from pooches,
BabyRocketDog and Hootie
TVT: I get those in Russian too, and Frankie Furter gets alien invasions. Don't be upset. Be flattered. It means your bloggy is pawesome and they want to be a part of it. 
And now on to the technical advice: log in to Cbox, click on "messages", check the mini square boxes by the messages you want deleted (they will be highlighted), click on "delete" (it's above your messages archive in red letters). Click "ok" and refresh your blog. 
I'm afraid this was information overload for Baby Rocket Dog
Lola asked...
You know what I've been pondering, Twinkie? I've been wondering this: You are a tiny dog. It says so right in the title of your blog, so it must be true. Where do you keep that big brain of yours? It doesn't seem like your head would be big enough to hold all the smarts you have.

lotsa licks, Lola
TVT: I would like to think that I keep my brain same place you keep your sense of humor. You never seize to crack me up both through your blog and comments.
 Speaking about heads, how's yours, Lola?
Cocorue asked…
TwinkTwink, thankQ for the wise advice.....looking for a lampshade and other items to dress the hoomans BOL!

Tank is soooo right about the idiotic hoomans.......mumster's friend very sweeetly said in front of my sista Coco:
"no offence but does Coco's brain correspond with her size?"

I WAS SO angry but being toothless and with bandaged legs, i PEED on her biiiig time!!! NOW, i'm being punished.......stooopid hoomans!

I WANT TO BE ADOPTED by another DOG...can you help advertise for me? thanks my furiend
TVT: Home needed for toothless bandaged, unruly pup. She goes by the name of "Tiffy" and she's a cry baby. She's also not potty trained and she sits on birthday bones. She'll make an excellent companion in a few years and after thorough training. What have you got to lose? 
Adopt Tiffy today, you "won't" regret it!
Cupcake asked...
Hi Twinkie, how are you? I have a question for your dog advice column. My chihuahua sister, Princess, and I love each other very much and we like to hold hands (paws). Mom thinks it's very cute but my german shepherd friends make fun of me. My question is, do you think it's okay for a chihuahua and a german shepherd to hold hands?

Thank You,

TVT: Dearest Cupcake, don't you fret. It's a german shepherd thing. There's been a recent epidemic about GS with mistaken identity around blogland recently. My guess is you picked it up from Morgan, the GS that thinks she's a greyhound. Take two aspirins and call me in the morning.
Be still my lil' heart! Cuteness overload.

Now, go take on the day!

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