Friday's Funnies

Every time I share my dog training tips with y'all, I stress the fact that we, the cats and dogs, rule the household. We outsmart all humans. That's why my dog training tips are aimed at my good furiends, and NOT their pawrents. To start out the weekend on a funny note, and to take off the stress of this past week, allow me to prove my point by sharing a video that proves just how much smarter we are than humans.

TGIF Video!

Just ignore the canned laughter and add your own laugh track

Twinkie

Dog Digging 101 | Dog Training Tips

Pedrito Has Found His True Calling

Our latest adoption, Pedro, the chihuahua puppy is completely unruly. One of his latest talents is . . . dog digging! The proof is in the pictures.

Pedro will share with y'all his dog training tips.

First, look around and make sure nobody is watching.

Good.

Proceed with enthusiasm.

Wipe nose, so you don't look guilty.

I said, "Wipe nose! Tsk tsk."

Listen to me, chihuahua puppy! You're going in the dog house again.

Twinkie

National Dog Week Day 2 & Contest

I hope you got the most out of yesterday. Still six days to go before the end of National Dog Week. Make every day count. Make your parents be at your beck and call. Also, put to good use all the dog training tips I've been sharing with you: don't forget the adorable look on your faces and all should go as planned.

A couple of furiends asked for pet photo contest clarifications:

1. How many entries? One tongue per pet, that's it. I would really appreciate if you sent me names and your blog's url if you have one. It'll help out my secretary, not the one I fired last week, the new one.
2. How many winners of the five free giveaway? Five.
3. How will we decide on the five winners? I will post all entries on my blog after the "Show Us Your Tongue" contest is closed (at the end of National Dog Week, on Saturday September 24th). It'll be a collective effort made out of an enormous panel of impartial and professional pet judges.
4. Will I participate? I wish.
5. Will the chiweenie or the spotted siblings of mine? Nope! I'm partial to them and I may be tempted to favor them.
6. Will giant breeds be allowed? I didn't want to at first, but mom made me. Yes.
7. Are there any animals that will be excluded? Just the obvious cheaters, lizards, frogs and all reptiles with agile tongues.
8. A request: due to heavy spam traffic, if you remember to, have something easy for me to discern in your email title, like: pet photo contest, my tongue, your tongue, Tongues-R-Us, Twinkie you look marvelous today... anything you like.

Meanwhile, I want to share with you that I'm really excited about this contest. It was going to be a quickie, but based on the responses so far, it will get the attention it deserves. We already even have a baby calf competing!

A bit of trivia that suits our contest:

Featured in the new Guinness World Records 2011 book is Puggy, the dog with the longest tongue in the world. Puggy is a designer dog, a Pekingese. But do not fret, we're not doing a longest tongue contest we're just doing a Show Us Your Tongue Contest. Small tongues are eligible to win.

Puggy's showing us her tongue, yikes!

(it looks a bit like M's ex's tongue)

I would like to share a yöghund video with you to get your appetites going, in other words, to motivate you to start warming up those tongues! Do I need to remind you of the free giveaways? Okay, free yöghund boxes filled with delicious and nutritious (mom made me mention the second) frozen dog treats!

So what are you waiting for? Stop drooling and

SHOW US YOUR TONGUE!

Twinkie

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

Dear Twinkie is a weekly advice column posted every Tuesday. Do you have questions that you need answered or news that you want to spread? Then leave me, Twinkie Van Twinkerson, a note on Tuesday's comments and I'll address it. This blog and column are strictly rated G and only meant for your enjoyment.

pam asked...

Hey Twinkie. Did we miss something? Did M give all them kitties away or somethin?

Bobo and Meja

TVT: Oh, please, don't bring this up. M is still in mourning over the kittens. Allow me to skip the explanation and provide you a link instead (see response to Twix near end). We're all out of tissue in our home and M is now using my blankie, you understand, right? Now go be nice to mommy and give her extra love and slobbery kisses for me. 

This picture is for your mommy!

mayziegal asked...

Hmmm...I am not sure how I feels about my girlfurends throwing cheese at my boyfurend. I just hope he saves some for me!

Okay, my question this week is abouts this thing called Twitter that my mom has signed us up for. It doesn't really make much sense to me. She says we're supposed to "tweet" at people but I don't speak BIRD! Is there some sort of correspondence course I can take?

Thank you ever so much for your Most Wise Advice!

Wiggles & Wags,
Mayzie

TVT: Mayzie, you are embarrassing me. I've been praising you for your smarts and now this? Darling, you can even tree a raccoon, since when can't you cope with birds? I believe that a dog with your skills would be fluent in no time. I recommend the Rosetta Stone Bird. 

Don't look at me like that! Start studying!

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ asked...

Great suggestion for Phantom, although he and TD have conjured up something a bit more daring. Mom doesn't know about it yet. Now any idea how we can get him to eat?

Woos, Thunder and Ciara, both plotting to escapt for the big Pawty Night Friday the 13th.

TVT: Perhaps you are all unaware, but Phantom is an avid reader of my blog. I bet you he's read all my dog training tips. Therefore, think smart. Phantom knows that during sick days we can capitalize by training our families better. He's too smart for you two. So give him what he wants. Dog treats, home cooking, and a bit of Nutri Cal. Meanwhile, I dug through my records and found the recipe for homemade dog treats that brought me back from the unnamed. I got it from my ol' pal, Mabel. Read carefully! 

Ingredients: 1 lb chicken liver, 1 cup white flour, 1 cup corn meal, thyme, oregano, sage, garlic powder (new studies have discovered garlic can trigger dog allergies in a few poor fellows). Pulverize the liver in a blender. Mix the flower with the corn meal and cover the top with the seasonings. Pour the liquified liver over the dry ingredients. Line a cookie sheet with foil, spray with Pam. Bake for 15 minutes at 400 degrees till it bubbles on top. Let it cool--really. Cut in squares. Make sure Phantom does not overeat.

I told you to make sure Phantom does not overeat!

the booker man asked...

pee s -- how on earth did miss bunny fit a german shepherd in her backpack?! i also just about died of the giggles when i saw the binaca spray. heeheehee!

TVT: Miss Bunny is an exceptional female. Ask her mom and she'll confirm. That girl's got everybody twisted around her little greyhound paws. Besides, haven't you ever looked inside a woman's purse? You can find just about anything you need in there, and backpacks are bigger!

"Happy Campers"

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Do woo have a khamera here to watch how I REALLY do it?

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

TVT: Well, as a matter of fact, the answer is "yes". Hello, girlfriend. Wake up and smell the kibble. You're an internet superstar! You get photographed just about every day plus there's a special channel called youtube that is dedicated to you. 

This is how Ms Khyra REALLY does it. With a great sense of humor!

K9friend asked...

Wise and wonderful...what else is there to be said?

Pat
www.critteralley.blogspot.com

TVT: There's always something else to be said. 

Get out of there! You're making mom late for work!

ForPetsSake asked...

Miss Twinkie, I have a question for you...I cleaned the teeth of a teeny, tiny chihuahua today at the vet clinic. I can't help but wonder what little ones like you think when they see the bigger dogs. I only have 2 big girls myself. Any insights? Much love!

TVT: I can't stand small dogs. They're yappy, nippy, and just plain annoying. I love big dogs because I always know where I stand with them. My best furiends are large dogs. I'd love to become furiends with your girls. Especially now that I know you offer double breakfasts at your home.

Our new furiends, Arwen and Nyxie waiting for their proper welcome to blog-land.

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz asked...

Oooh! Ooooh! If Tank manages to herd all the idiots in the world together, can we help in the ankle biting?!? Pretty please? Okay, now my question for you, Ms. TVT: Why is my little mutant sister SUCH a doofus? Will she EVER grow out of this doofusness, or I am doomed to be stuck with a doofus sister forever?

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy

TVT: Absolutely on the ankle biting. It wouldn't be a proper idiot gathering without the ankle biting! Good call. As for the doofus part of your question, I suggest you watch who Abby hangs out with. 

Hugo looks suspicious. I don't believe he's helping with your objective.

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie asked...

BOL. Twink you amaze and delight. Hey, here's a qq for you: How come so many of the comments that are in Chinese script have nothing to do with the post they comment on? Also, do you have any idea how to delete unwanted comments on the cbox?? (Mommy had to delete her cbox because of so many awful spam messages.)
Smooches from pooches,
BabyRocketDog and Hootie

TVT: I get those in Russian too, and Frankie Furter gets alien invasions. Don't be upset. Be flattered. It means your bloggy is pawesome and they want to be a part of it. 

And now on to the technical advice: log in to Cbox, click on "messages", check the mini square boxes by the messages you want deleted (they will be highlighted), click on "delete" (it's above your messages archive in red letters). Click "ok" and refresh your blog. 

I'm afraid this was information overload for Baby Rocket Dog

Lola asked...

You know what I've been pondering, Twinkie? I've been wondering this: You are a tiny dog. It says so right in the title of your blog, so it must be true. Where do you keep that big brain of yours? It doesn't seem like your head would be big enough to hold all the smarts you have.

lotsa licks, Lola

TVT: I would like to think that I keep my brain same place you keep your sense of humor. You never seize to crack me up both through your blog and comments.

 Speaking about heads, how's yours, Lola?

Cocorue asked…

TwinkTwink, thankQ for the wise advice.....looking for a lampshade and other items to dress the hoomans BOL!

Tank is soooo right about the idiotic hoomans.......mumster's friend very sweeetly said in front of my sista Coco:
"no offence but does Coco's brain correspond with her size?"

I WAS SO angry but being toothless and with bandaged legs, i PEED on her biiiig time!!! NOW, i'm being punished.......stooopid hoomans!

I WANT TO BE ADOPTED by another DOG...can you help advertise for me? thanks my furiend

TVT: Home needed for toothless bandaged, unruly pup. She goes by the name of "Tiffy" and she's a cry baby. She's also not potty trained and she sits on birthday bones. She'll make an excellent companion in a few years and after thorough training. What have you got to lose? 

Adopt Tiffy today, you "won't" regret it!

Cupcake asked...

Hi Twinkie, how are you? I have a question for your dog advice column. My chihuahua sister, Princess, and I love each other very much and we like to hold hands (paws). Mom thinks it's very cute but my german shepherd friends make fun of me. My question is, do you think it's okay for a chihuahua and a german shepherd to hold hands?

Thank You,

Cupcake

TVT: Dearest Cupcake, don't you fret. It's a german shepherd thing. There's been a recent epidemic about GS with mistaken identity around blogland recently. My guess is you picked it up from Morgan, the GS that thinks she's a greyhound. Take two aspirins and call me in the morning.

Be still my lil' heart! Cuteness overload.

Now, go take on the day!

Twinkie

Dog Training tips | How To Get Dog Food The Easy Way

It's time to share with you one of my long time personal favorite dog training tips. It's a well kept secret, so you don't want to miss out. It is a known fact that children, a.k.a. human peanuts, are the easiest to train. Whenever you find yourselves in an environment with children present, ignore the parents. The parents are most logical and they are feeling social pressure to do the "right thing." Human peanuts aren't like that. They are still innocent and giving. If you have dog food on your mind, trust this technique.

Children are angels that have our best interest in mind.

Never underestimate neither our pleading powers, nor the children's innate need to defy adult rules.

Children are bearers of dog food and dog treats.

Children do not think in terms of calories or the proper diet and nutrition. They are more like us, because . . .

. . . healthy dog treats are okay, but . . .

. . . this is better, and this is the kind of food you can expect from children!

Remember, children are our friends. Go hug a human peanut!

Twinkie

Roxie, The Future AKC Canine Good Citizen, Strikes Again

Roxie, the brindle Boston Terrier, is going to become a great Canine Good Citizen. How do I know? A. She's extremely smart and B. Her owner, called a handler, is determined and consistent, both words of utmost importance in dog training (that would be your first dog training tip).
Last week, Roxie practiced steps 1-3 and I posted about it, including some helpful and some not so helpful tips: Our Future AKC Canine Good Citizen.

This week, Roxie practiced steps 4-8 and I will break those up for you.

Test item #4: Walking on a loose lead
The class instructor set up a pre-plotted course using orange cones and signs, and the handler had to maneuver around them with Roxie relaxed and not yanking on the leash. This step is fairly easy. Roxie only needed to exhibit a bit of self restraint.

The pre-plotted course

The cones had directional arrows as well as one that said "stop" and one that said "about turn" 

Roxie did just fine.

Test item #5: Walking through a crowd
Roxie and her handler had to show they can walk around a crowd (minimum 3 people). Because Roxie gets around, she was rather good at this one.

(Sorry, no photo available. Somebody had to be the crowd)

Test item #6: Sit and Down on command and Stay in place

The handler normally decides which position the dog should be in (standing, sitting, or down). In our case, Roxie made the decision.

Test item #7: Coming when called

Problem. Roxie likes her treats but dog treats are NOT allowed during testing, so it's a good idea to practice without them. Add to that the fact that Ms. Roxie is too smart and she knows her handler is going home with her . . . In other words: handler = mommy = I get that at home too = boo-ring. 

Bored and hesitant Roxie

Fed up but obedient Roxie

Here, I need to interrupt briefly for some precious dog training tips for my furry friends:

Look adorable and starving, trust me

I told you to trust me! I bet now you do.

(back to our post)

Roxie, for unexplainable reasons (see last two photos) mastered this step.

Good girl, Roxie

Test item #8: Reaction to another dog, aka uh-oh

Roxie must demonstrate she'll behave in the presence of other dogs. Interesting challenge, especially since all Roxie's handler is allowed to do is use her voice. This is a tricky part of the test because Roxie and the handler have to actually stop, shake hands with the evaluator and the demo dog, exchange a few pleasantries and move apart. Let's see how Roxie did!

That's why this is called the "uh-oh" test item

One more try

Uh-oh! What do I see here?

Is that Frankie, the other AKC Canine Good Citizen? The brave chiweenie? 

It is indeed. She volunteered (not)

All jokes aside, Roxie did a marvelous job and as I already said, I know she'll make an excellent canine good citizen in a few weeks. Meanwhile, she's going to be training her handler:

Good handler!

Until the next installment of Roxie and her progress with the CGC.

Twinkie

Our Next Future AKC Canine Good Citizen

Roxie, the Boston Terrier, aka Boston Bull, from puppy training class, decided to become a canine good citizen, and I'm going to be auditing her class while bringing you new ideas and canine good citizen and general dog obedience training tips. Roxie is still a puppy and she's part brindle. Her markings are extraordinary in the sense that she looks like she's dark chocolate with white, but a slightly closer look proves she has a lot of brindle in her. A brindle boston terrier! So unique!

This is Roxie, our next AKC Canine Good Citizen

This is her second class and she's still getting used to the "no dog treats" concept

***AKC Canine Good Citizen Dog Training Tips: No dog treats are allowed during the actual CGC test. If you're training your dog using dog treats, it's a good idea to start to wean him/her before your first AKC CGC class. You can start alternating dog treats and praise or favorite toys or a low grade" treat, such as kibble. This way your dog will not be shocked like Roxie or our chiweenie. 

Step 1: 

Accepting a Friendly Stranger

Roxie did great with that one in the beginning of class, but then, a little girl showed up at the end and wanted to pet her. Roxie's owner, she's truly on top of her training, made Roxie go through the proper steps.

She let Roxie say a gentle hello from the standing position

Step 2:

Sitting Politely for Petting

The owner asked Roxie to go "down" to demonstrate her self restraint

Roxie was perfect, considering this she is so new at this, and only once did she try to jump on the girl's arms. Roxie's mom corrected her instantly, as one does for proper training, but the girl's mom had a panic attack and yanked her child away ... (no comment)

***AKC Canine Good Citizen Dog Training Tips: Instant corrections and rewards are the key to all animal training. Dogs do not remember what they were doing a few minutes ago. They live in the NOW and should be handled accordingly.

Step 3:

Appearance and Grooming

During this part of the test, your dog must demonstrate that he can be easily examined and groomed. The evaluator will brush him and perform a quick exam of the ears, teeth, paws, tail... and your dog must remain calm, but is allowed to move around. 

Roxie is being perfect again.

She lets the trainer (on the right) check her out and brush her.

She's looking at her mom for "help" but she's being good for the trainer

This is what the evaluator wants to see

More AKC canine good citizen test items and tips, dog obedience training, and puppy training tips in the weeks to follow. Stay tuned.

Twinkie

Dachshund Pictures | P.T. Goes To China

Another glorious day at the horse barn with my rescue dog pals and the horses...Aaah, that's the life. This particular outing, I was rather taken by my friend, P.T.'s digging attempts. Let me share my dachshund pictures with you.

Doxie working hard

What's that red stuff off to the side?

And digging

A doxie's dedication

More red stuff, hmm

The red blur was P.T.'s brother, Nathan the horse

Special guest appearance by Dexter the doxie

supervising his lil' bro

P.T. unperturbed continues with his digging expedition and hopes to reach China sometime soon

Making progress at last!

Welcome back to the United States of America

Passport, license, and registration please

The sad part was that P.T. needed and got a bath after this photo sequence. It's a shame that he didn't learn anything from his brother's dog training tips. 

Twinkie

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

mayziegal asked...

Twinkie - as always, you give the bestest advice!

My question is: Do you thinks it's morally wrong to destuff stuffies? If so, is there a treatment facility that I can checks myself into?

Thank you, thank you for helping to spread the word abouts my contest that starts tomorrow! I'm so excited! I hopes we raise lotsa green papers!

Wiggles & Wags,
Mayzie

TVT: Immoral? Destuffing is a necessity. Do you not need oxygen to be able to breathe? Does the earth not turn? Have you stopped enjoying dog treats? Of course not. Well, guess what, the destuffication of stuffies is vital to all of us. Get rid of your inhibitions and hang ups and enjoy the most natural thing in the world. And congratulations on your 201 (and still increasing) guesses! And for those who don't know what I'm talking about, do stop by Mayzie's blog, you will not regret it.

Mayzie demonstrating a tickling and a destuffing technique!

Frankie Furter asked...

Twinkie... all this talk of (SHUDDER) SQUIRRELS...
I will have trouble sleeping now. As you will see in a few days... I am SURE that Squirrels are out to GET ME!!! They are everywhere I look. BAH and DOUBLE BAH!!!!
SOOOO NOW HERE IS MY QUESTION FOR THE WEEK...
I have to go away for a few days. I left pre-posts, butt I can't let my comments just appear, beclaws I have gotten three more Alien Comments this week!!!
Sooooo Is there anything else I can do to keep my furends from furgetting me while I am in Pencil Vane E Ah ???? I really worry about this. One can Never afford to lose a furend, you know.

TVT: Dearest Frankie, you worry too much. You worry about everything from comments to squirrels. I understand because you're such a caring and sensitive dude, but you must relax a bit. Chill. All the aliens want is to enjoy your blog too. Welcome the invasion for now and when you get back, exterminate them. That simple. Go have fun and don't think for a minute that your friends will forget you. You're quite memorable. 

Case in point

hero asked...

You're the wise one, Twinkie... and you have a funny bone in you too :)... I love your advice.

Q: How do I convince my hoomans that I don't need to bathe once a week, only when necessary, say if I fall into cat poop sewage.

Licks, hero

TVT: I know, I know, Hero. I'm painfully aware of your bathing issue. I must say I empathize. I suggest you give my dog training tips a shot. Convince your bipeds that baths must all be accompanied by your favorite edibles. After they've mastered this skill, start rolling in cat poop regularly. In the least, you'll be getting more baths and more treats this way. Have fun rolling! 

I'd first remove my tie though

Life With Dogs asked...

Brilliant Q&A session as always. Now that I think about it, I do have one question: what is this burning sensation Nigel is always complaining about after he visits those unscrupulous Poodles at the dog park? ;)

TVT: That's an easy one. Nigel is painfully aware of poor Sola's botched spay job . . . that you've got hanging over his head. Nigel's condition is obviously psychosomatic because you've put the fear of Dog in him. 

Relax, Nigel

Frankie asked…

Hey, Twink. You announced the other day that I was fully potty trained. Guess again. Mommy found my secret bathrooms yesterday. Does this mean I'm not fully potty trained yet?

TVT: You bratwurst! Is that why we can't breathe in our home lately? I'm going to share my small dog potty training tips with mommy. You obviously need to be restricted at this point. It would also help if you'd start eating like a dog instead of an Orik vacuum cleaner. Tsk tsp… Canine Good Citizen my-ami! Excuse my language.

Guilty chiweenie

Mango asked…

Dear Miss Twinkie,
I had a date with Miss Tula this week, but halfway through the date this smokin hot burned yeast mountain dog showed up and I sang her my Mango love song. Tula was quite chuffed and used HBO words with me. What did I do wrong?

Slobbers,
Mango

TVT: Yikes, we all know that the Mango can be weak at times, but singing to another lady was rather rude--even for you. Besides, you left out the parts where you had your back turned on her. I highly recommend you turn to Frankie Flirter for advice on dating. This is just an advice column, not a rehab center. Next time you two meet, if she agrees to that, I would focus my attentions on Tula (and only Tula). I would book the entire room just of the two of you. This way you will make her feel special and you won't be tempted. Keep us posted.  

Things to avoid in the future

Now go take on the day!

Twinkie