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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

Lola asked...
Twinkie, that was a very deep answer to my deep question about what humans really want. So you don't know either, right? We took your advice about the inside zoomies. It's really too hot to enjoy them outside even during the day. It's working out fine - for us. Today my question is about chewies. Why do my humans think that Franklin should have them, too? I think I've made myself clear that I get ALL the chewies, no matter how many there are and yet they continue to give one to him each time I get one. How do I get through to them that I've made this decision and it's final.

thanks much as always, Lola
TVT: Wrong, my friend. I know what humans want. It's the humans who are clueless. Twinkie Van Twinkerson knows, and when she doesn't, she researches. So, to your question now. 
I'm sorry, but it's too late. You had to have already trained your humans before Andy established himself in your home. But now you know what to do when you adopt a new lil' brother or sissy.
The ideal lil' bro
mayziegal asked...
Thank you, thank you, Twinkie, for your most excellent bachelorette planning advices. You wouldn't be interested in heading up the Chihuahua Fun Police, would you? Or do you just want to come and dance on the tables - um, I mean - sip tea delicately and Most Ladylike with the rest of us?

Wiggles & Wags,
TVT: Um, no on working that night, but thank you for your vote of confidence in my guarding skills. I have purchased the most exquisite gown for the event therefore "tea" would be appropriate.
Mayzie practicing her own guarding skills
houndstooth asked...
Wise woofs yet again, Ms. Twinkerson!

I think I have a more serious problem than Morgan putting her paw on my back. Now it seems that she feels the need to put MY WHOLE HEAD in her mouth! How do I deter her from this craziness? Blueberry runs into her crate and closes the door so Morgan can't get in, but that leaves me out on my own!

Oh, and Lilac wanted me to ask you a question about that bachelorette party. She says she has a lot of green papers for the "policemen" but wants to know if it's okay to pull a few back out to reuse if she runs out. I'm not sure the bachelorette party is ready for her!

TVT: The situation with Morgan putting your entire head in her mouth does not compare with the Akita and German Shepherd mix that used to put my entire head and body in her mouth. Then she'd spit me out like I didn't taste delicious or something. In any case, sounds like you're having a ball over at your Houndstooth quarters. 
Lilac, is a smart gal! I am a green dog and appreciate Lilac's recycling vision. Lilac's novel idea is superb and a lesson to us all. 
Wise dog demonstrating superb dog training skills.
Notice how she's using the fan instead of the A/C? That's a green dog!

Awesome advice as always!

We don't have a question this week, more of a clarification... you mentioned in your answer to us that we couldn't control an all-girl party... we assumed that if they are out of control, the more cheese and green papers for us! or are we wrong in that assumption?

Sam and Pippen

TVT: The girls have caught on, in case you missed Ms. Bunny's question. You can rest assured there will be no green papers nor cheese left sitting around. It'll all be put to good use, over and over again.
Sam and Pippen scheming futilely

I'm still giggling at Madi's private quarters. Why am i hearing the theme song from the Jeffersons? :)
TVT: Your question sent me into a research frenzy. "Moving on up!" This is an advice column, my dear. Hearing tunes in your head is not for me to figure out, but I can recommend either sobering up or an excellent dog psychiatrist!
This photo speaks a thousand words

Grrreat advice for Mango.
Hey did you know that I'm having a bachelor pawty??? We are gonna have a BLAST.. Baseball game, Air and water show... and bar hopping after that. I know the girrrls will be ok at their pawty.
TVT: Dude, the entire animal blog-dom knows about your ball and chain party. Is there anyone in this room who does NOT know about Frankie's Doggie's Gone Wild party?
Don't forget your handcuffs!
I wanted to give you a reminder to post about HoneyBear! Oh, and don't forget to mention one last time, Sarge's walk!

TVT: Gee, thanks, what would we do without you, brindle furs? Okay, HoneyBear is fairly new to our world and she's a very special girl. She's been through a lot and is getting her leg surgery on August 5th. You can easily get caught up on her blog.
HoneyBear could use our group-paw-hug!
As for Sarge's "Walking With the Herd" march, that's coming up on August 7th. Hurry up and get your fluffy and not so fluffy tails down there, either in person or virtually. 
Support saving animals (us, gulp) from euthanasia!

Twix asked...
My question is: Who won the case of M vs M? And what was decided about those adorable kittens?
(I, Twix, do not think kittens are the least bit adorable but since I have paws and not fingers, I have to let Mom type what she would like)
TVT: I can always count on my good ol' pal to open up a can of worms. I am not happy to report that M lost. In the process she gave away two of her beloved kittens: Teddy Smudge and Lolita. Let me explain for those who have been following the story.
M took two of the kittens to the vet last week. At the lobby, she met a girl with a dog that appeared to be 100 human years old. The girl asked M if she was giving away any kittens. M said NO. Then M got her head off her … and asked the girl about her dog. The girl said the dog was being put down. He was almost 18 years old. The girl had also had to put down her 12 year old cat a week earlier due to illness. M though about it all night long and the next day, when she took in the rest of the kittens, she had the vet's office call the poor girl. Within minutes, the girl came down. M wanted to make her feel better, plus she'd be getting rid of all the annoying folks who were rather persistent she could not keep all the kittens. M had Puddles, Lolita, and Teddy Smudge with her that day. Puddles was not an option. She and M are already tight, plus she was named by Abigail, a precious friend, so she gave the girl the other two kittens. The end and the beginning.
M got home feeling miserable. Momma cat started looking for her kittens. She wailed for a day and a half looking for them. M felt like a world class criminal. A couple of days later, both M and momma cat had reached a decision. No more listening to friendly advice. We're a family now and that's the way it's going to be. All the remaining kittens are here to stay along with their nursing cat mom. The end. 
Our beloved Lolita
Our beloved Teddy Smudge
May you have a beautiful long life filled with joy at your new home!!! We miss you and we hope to see you again some day (we do share the same zip code).

Now, go take on the day!
Twinkie Van Twinkerson
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