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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

A dog advice column

houndstooth asked...
Another most enjoyable advice column, Twinkie!

Lately we've been admiring all the floof on the Sibes on some of our favorite blogs, like The Herd. Is it possible for us to get some kind of hair transplant? How can we grow some floof?

TVT: I'm on it, but first I had to rob Thunder, from the OP Pack. Dear, skinny girl, all you need to do is use superglue at this point. I would personally dye Thunder's furs first, to better match my natural color if I was you, but you can always glue first, dye later. 
There are many other options but they're either costly, such as surgical hair transplant procedures, or time consuming, like dreadlocks. I think sibe fur would be a good match. 

Cat Mandu asked...
Dear Twinkie,
A girl cat in South Africa wants me to give her advice on how she should treat her Mom. Do I need a license in order to give out advice?
TVT: Are you kidding me? I'd be in jail by now if that was the case. I'm an unlicensed, b.s.-er, and proud of it. I believe you'd make an excellent advice columnist yourself seeing how grouchy you often are. Let us all know about your advice debut and we'll come support or boo you, kk?
You sure look the part
Sallie asked...

You rock!

B.T.W. I'm lost in Hawaii. Do you know which way I should go?

TVT: I see you're still stuck, but I also know you're a romantic. Shouldn't you have your mom write you out of Hawaii in one of her romance novels? You can take off into the sunset with a handsome beau. That would be my recommendation. 
Sally Marie has bigger problems
(see alien in photo)
Khan I win a khytten of my furry own?

TVT: By the look on your BroFur's face, No. By the look on M's face when I wrote this: Yes. Please, come help yourself to the khyttens, woo beautiful sweet sibe, woo! Do woo really need more khats though?  
Khyra's BroFur

Mango asked...
Twinkie, you sure set the bar high for some of us doggies. I will try to follow your advice, but it is not easy. Can I help it if there is so much Mango to go around?

TVT: In your own words, RH, ehem, you state: I weigh around 230 pounds and eat almost 15 pounds of kibble each week. You could limit your food intake to 14.5 pounds of food each week.
Let's check and see if there's enough Mango to go around

awesome sauce advice as always, miss twinkie! i've got another question for you for next time. see, me and my big sis asa are having a teensy tiny disagreement over who gets to snooze in the bigger of the 2 doggie beds. i say i should get the bigger bed cuz i am a bigger doggie. she says she should get the bigger bed cuz she's the oldest and a lady. who's right???
the booker man
TVT: You are! Normally I'd say "ladies first" because I'm a lady and I have seniority too, but . . . Asa's got the biggest bed, and she can't hog the bigger one too. That would be greedy. Asa, leave the large dog bed to your brother. 
Asa, stay right where you are.

ocmist asked...
We just really enjoy getting a chance to come by and read your dog advice column, Twinkie! It's always got some chuckles and such great advice! I just wish I knew why pups have to lick the sides of older dog's mouths after not seeing them for a little while. I'm not fond of that as you probably saw in the blog about Pip's Ventura trip last weekend. BG
TVT: It's clear from the photo below, that you're not fond of it, but if you hear why, perhaps you'll change your mind. In the wild, the puppies' fist solid food is offered through their mom's regurgitation. Puppies lick to stimulate and encourage regurgitation. It is also a sign of re-submitting to the alpha dog. Lick on, Pippin!
Lick on!
Frankie the Chiweenie asked
Where are the newborn kitten photos? 
TVT: Silly girl. You'll never learn. Not only do I have kitten pictures to share, I also have new kitten names to chose from. I'll start with the names: Minet, Cherie, Joli, Lisette, Margot, Miaou (meow!), Gaston, Guy, Remy, Blaise, Cali, Trixie, Lucy, Cleo, Zipper, Stop (BOL), Charlie, Bosley, Sabrina, Kelly, and Vuvuzela (voo-voo-se-luh!). All names are under consideration.

I Saved the Best for Last!!!
M got the surprise of her life a couple of days ago. I must confess, I haven't seen her so emotional before. The reason: Twix's super considerate, caring, and most amazing present. It left us all speechless and barkless, no, not because of the ultrasonic dog bark control device. I think I should be quiet for once and just show you the photo. 

Not only is this an invaluable present, it is incredible. The artist has managed to capture my essence and my micro-expressions, like the slightly raised right eyebrow and the slight upwards curve (snarl) that is permanently affixed to my face. I know the artist's name, Suzy Chow, and I have her FB fan page link:
Thank  you Twix and Ms Chow. We will cherish this forever!!!

Now go take on the day!

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