Saturday at the Movies: The Dog Food Container Saga

The cleanup crew: I, Twinkie, the tiny teacup chihuahua, and my pack members, Pedro, the rat-cha, and Frankie, the brindle chiweenie (aka chicken-weenie) are given the hard task of cleaning out a dog food container,yay! Happy Weekend! Twink!

The Dog Stroller Photo Contest

Doggyride, the makers or our dog stroller, is holding a photo contest on Facebook, and I'd like to share some outtakes and some potential entries:

 Nothing wrong with two Great Dane Puppies in a tiny dog stroller (BOL)

 The gang and I are accompanying the oddity

 Senior spotted dog, Linguini, falls down in protest. She wants a ride too.

 I just wanted to come up for some air; I did not appreciate the attention.

 Rat terrier nanny pushes dog stroller.

 Chiweenie pictures do not lie. Frankie is pathetic(ly cute)

 Quickly! Snap the photo, M!

 Great Dane = "Great Paw Love"

And a semi-decent pack photo.

Twinkie

Attention Insane Cracker Dogs | Part Trois

Notice: I'm going to get back to address yesterday's comments, as soon as I'm allowed to leave the witness protection program. I was swiped yesterday from The Estate by the secret animal blog-dom police after receiving some disconcerting dog threats in my comments.
* * *
The honorable Judge Twink presiding

You may sit or lie down.
Please, no pee-mail inside the courtroom.

More preliminary scoring of

 INSANE CRACKER DOG CATEGORY entries in

Mango Minster 2011

Warning:

Scoring rules may change at any time based on my SOLE discretion

Best possible score: 5

Worst possible score: -5

Extra points are in units and are based on bribes

Contestant #6

SADIE aka MR HYDE

Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)

5p for breed advantage

5p for causing beach commotion, "the incident"

Energy Level of Participan and of Post

5p Overall reaction

-1p I had to deduct a point for the "normal" shot

Level of Destruction

4p for or excellent opening. I would have given you a 5 but you only destroyed one stuffy.

Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points

-1p for your mom's teasing comment in the end. Are you or are you not ferocious? Food for thought

-1 for allowing your human to share a photo of you soaking wet

+2 because of your pawrticipation in Show Us Your Tongue

Bribes

Better start working on that, kk?

Contestant #7

SAM

Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)

5p for your enthusiasm

5p for getting the rules right
5p for being an ol' time pal

Energy Level of Participan and of Post

5p Overall reaction
6p for showing (instead of just telling) that you're a fighter and not a lover!

Level of Destruction

4p for or excellent opening. I would have given you a 5 but you only destroyed one stuffy.

Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points

-1p for being on leash when standing at the edge of a cliff. It's only fair.
+1 for flying
+3 for ringing neighbors' doorbells and running away. We should do it together one of these days.

Bribe

1000 bonus points. You set an example for all other Mango Minster contestants. Bravo! I'm proud of you. You're also in the lead still.

Contestant #8

UNCLE PUPPY

Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)

5p for primarily cracking yourself up, a must for all cracker dogs

5p for cracker sleep positions
5p for obsession with shoes, tails, and tennis balls

Energy Level of Participan and of Post

5p for being more springy than a bungee cord
6p for unleashing your "cracker doggieness" on the poodles

Level of Destruction

5p for running through the house wet and rubbing of everything. Great dog training tip for all! Train your humans while they're still young.

Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points

+2 for ears in the air action shots
+3 for final shot is which you show how crazy you are by eating human foot over paper carcass

Bribe

Instead of properly bribing my honor, you chose to: play with another chihuahua (not me), go visit horses (not with me) and celebrate Bobo's birthday (happy bark day Bobo) without me. 

-200 points but there's still time.

I think I need a break until you folks get out your dogctionaries and figure out the meaning of the verb "to bribe". 

Court is adjourned for the day

TT4N

Twinkie V. Twinkerson

United Pet Blogdom District Judge

Bribery Suggestions

This post is dedicated to all uninspired cracker dogs that aspire to win Mango Minster 2011:

Somebody please flush the toilet

Any cracker doggie want to adopt our cracker doggie? If not for me, at least do it for the kittehs!

Deal of the day: If you take the cat tree, you get the kittehs too! Do not pass on this once in a lifetime deal!


In addition to the aforementioned suggestions. Here are some comments from exemplary entrants, for those who can't get a clue (I have also underlined some important key words):

Court Exhibit A

Dear superior Judge Twinkie,
Please remember me, Eva is a cute cracker contestant and I'd love to win your heart too!
Please don't blame me but my mom. She has too many things in her little brain lately and didn't work out things very well.
I'd already told her that our house is big and our guest room is cosy and comfy and it is already ready so you can have a vacation whenever you like. You know my weather is much better than yours although there is no snow provided. But come on, is there anything better than having some sun bathing and enjoy the warm sea breeze at this moment. No flood, no storm and no volcano eruptions but there are fireworks, parties and BBQ!!! Btw, I have some beef jerky, hooves, greenies, salmon sushi rolls in my jars.
I'm not bribing you at all because I know it is not right. I'm just trying to tell you that life will be even better if you know what I mean.
Licks,
Eva, the sheltie

Go Eva! Now, you're talking!

Court Exhibit B


Oh Great Twinkie, Judge of Judges, Most Beautiful Chihuahua in the World (no! the universe!). I've gotten access to my human's computer so I could see what kind of, ah, "arrangement" we can work out. I have a nice big yard, live with a couple wussy kittehs, and one tough BT, my sis, Panda. She's taught me everything I know. Panda says we can offer you a large king bed to lounge about on and humans who will minister to your every need. Also, can you say "Doggy Disney World"? It's the dog beach! You could come and show us how it's really done, Twinkie-style. Uh oh, here comes a human, gotta go. Cracker Sadie

Pee.S I also sent u an email, my talents apparently have no limits!

The email:
Your Most Honorable Judge Twinkie,

Since I am new to the "Cracker Dog" syndrome, at least in my human's eyes, my entry was somewhat spontaneous. What can a humble Cracker Dog do to make this process, uhm, beneficial for us both? Massive comments and compliments on your blog, perhaps?

Your Biggest Fan,

Cracker Sadie

Yeessss! You're getting there.

On this happy note, Court is adjourned for the day

Twinkie V. Twinkerson

United Pet Blogdom District Judge

Chiweenie Demands Own Dog Calendar

After publishing my personal chihuahua calendar, Frankie, the brindle chiweenie, threw a fit. She said that enough is enough and that between all the new rescues, adoptions, and work, she feels left out. She put all four paws down and demanded a photo shoot in the hopes she will publish her own dog calendar. See, that's what happens when "mutts" suddenly became "designer dogs"!

Chiweenie Pictures

I'm not so sure M will oblige and give Frankie, the chiweenie, her own dog calendar, but, at least for now, brindle-bum is appeased.

Chiweenie and Teacup Chihuahua Team Up

The Conspiracy

 

Chiweenie: Hey, Twinkie, the situation with the chihuahua puppy is out of control. We need a plan.

Chiweenie (continued): I'm serious, Twinkie. We can't keep living like this. We need a hand.

The hand-shaped dog leash: Did somebody call for me?

Chiweenie: No, not you, hands free dog leash! We need TWO hands!

Chiweenie (continued): That's much better, Twinkie, right?

Twinkie: You were brilliant today, chiweenie!

Both: Hold that!

Twinkie

Cats and Dogs in Pictures

Pedro, the chihuahua puppy, has made himself so much at home, that we, the dogs, can't stand him. He's a chewer, a biter, and he gets us in trouble. Whenever we bite back he screams his little head off and M gets mad at us. I am secretly teaching him some manners, as his elder chihuahua, but it will take me some time. He's oh-so-cute and he gets away with murder. When M gets tired of him, she asks poor Charlie, the tuxedo kitten (now 4.5 months old) to puppy-sit. I have lots of pictures of them together. Remember, there are many cats and dogs living in our home, 7 cats and 4 dogs. I hope you enjoy, 'cause I sure don't. I've been told that everyone enjoys cute chihuahua pictures and that chihuahua puppies are adorable, but there's nothing cute about what Pedro does to his poor kitten. Some are a bit blurry, but I'm afraid I will not apologize for that. I'll just blame it on the puppy.

Funny Dog Pictures:

Chihuahua puppy fights dirty

And more dirty

Tuxedo kitten launches puppy

Typical WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) choke hold

Cussing one another out

Synchronized biteys

The kitten has had it! He's trying to talk some sense to the puppy.

They get along like cats and dogs.

The good news is that today Charlie figured out that he can climb, but Pedro can't. 

Twinkie

It's His Fault!

It was the puppy's fault I didn't get to post earlier today. He didn't let me sleep all night and then he kept me busy all day. Add to that a couple of long power outages and the seven cat-astrophes. . . It's already tomorrow in some countries.

I'd like to share more pictures of Junior not only for your viewing pleasure, but also for feedback. If any on you, have any clue as to the breed of this adorable monster, please leave us a comment. See, we thought he was a chihuahua, but then when a certain troublemaker, she knows who she is, insisted that the puppy is a dachshund, we started to doubt ourselves. Bottom line, we don't really know what he is. Not that we really care, but I for one am really curious. Is he a chihuahua like me, a chiweenie like my sissy, a miniature rhodesian ridgeback like my hiking buddies? I doubt he's a dalmatian like my older sissy though.

Until I find the truth, I'll keep referring to him as a chihuahua. Ready for some more chihuahua pictures?

 After keeping all of us up last night, he sleeps like a baby during the day,

and he sticks his tongue out at us!

 He also likes to eat my favorite giraffe.

 Don't be fooled by how cute he looks. 

"Little guy, you're a whole lotta trouble."

Of course, I'm going to be responsible for many of his behavior issues. I'm already teaching him how to respect his elder chis.

Pet Photo Contest Results

The Show Us Your Tongue Awards

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for . . .

the announcement of the Show Us Your Tongue Awards!!!

Boomer, the chihuahua, will start off the ceremony with our International Pet Photo Contest Anthem. Hit it, Boomer!

The 1st Yöghund Pet Photo Contest Awards go to:

(drumroll)

 Teutul

 Zeus

Sugar

Gizzy

Sophie

I'm also going to include two runners up: Stuart (spelled correctly this time, please excuse my already fired spell checker), and Wrinkles.

If the top 5 winners do not email me at twinkietinydog (@) aol.com with a full name and postal address, or for any reason they do not want to collect their award, I will be contacting the two runners up in the order posted.

Because I've been unable to contact our winners on time for this ceremony, allow me to accept the award on their behalf.

"Pets and pawrents! Thank you! I feel so humbled to receive my award and coupons. Oh, thank you again! In my wildest dreams, I never would have imagined (although I frantically prayed) that this could ever happen to my tongue. And to the other nominees, I want each of you to know how totally wonderful your crushing defeat will make my tummy feel.

You know, when they first told me I could enter the Show Us Your Tongue pet photo contest, I just had to take a minute and laugh about how many worthy and freakish tongues I would be competing against. 

There are so many four and two legged (even three-legged) friends to thank. First off though, I'd like to thank you, the judges, their pawrents and furry friends. I would also like to thank Twinkie's colleagues, editors, family, and friends for writing her off, allowing this exquisite event to come together on such short notice. And finally, thank you to all the secretaries I have fired thus far. I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you and good day!"

 

Today's ceremony has come to an end. We'll see you all at the after party.

This presentation was brought to you by Yöghund. If that ain't a dog treat!

Dear Twinkie | A Dog Advice Column

Dear Twinkie is a weekly advice column posted every Tuesday. Do you have questions that you need answered or news that you want to spread? Then leave me, Twinkie Van Twinkerson, a note on Tuesday's comments and I'll address it. This blog and column are strictly rated G and only meant for your enjoyment.

The Thundering Herd‬ asked…
Snow globe - what a great choice. But how do we all shrink ourselves down small enough to fit into one?

TVT: Excuse me. Did I leave anyone out? I thought I fit you all! Tsk tsk. 

Woo didn't wear your glasses!

I picked Natasha for a reason. This way, she can counter surf better.

Benny and Lily‬ asked…
You are the go to person Twink. Lily bites my ears every time we play or wrestle. Sometimes she leaves scratches. What could I do Twink?

Benny (& monster Lily)

TVT: Well, under normal circumstances, I'd tell you how to get back at her. In Lily's case, scratches are an expression of love. It's because she's got the itchies that she's making sure you don't. If you don't want her to bite your ears at all, I suggest you lace some vaseline with cayenne pepper and rub your ears with it. See how that goes and get back to us. Have a fire extinguisher ready.

Perplexed Benny

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom‬ asked…
I wonder if The Herd would let me share their globe?

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

TVT: I suppose it's okay to do a bit of secretarial work for my furiends, especially Ms. Khyra who is such a giving lady. I bet you were busy with your transports and that's why you asked me to do this for you. I contacted the Herd on your behalf and they said, "Of course." What else did you expect from those gracious sweethearts? 

"Siberian pleasure" globe

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥‬ asked…
Ummm, are there enough globes around for us too - we were sorely short on the snow last season:(

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

TVT: A challenging question! How do I fit the lampshade in one of those? Hmm. Personally, I'm tired of the lampshade jokes and I bet Phantom is even more fed up, so here's what I came up with.

Merry Winter! You can almost taste the snowflakes!

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz‬ asked…
Oh! And I forgot my question... (Chalk that up to my poodle so-called dog intelligence...) Is my mutant alien sister EVER going to stop growing? She's Ginormous and she's not even 9 months old. And will she ever start acting more like a real dog and less like a spastic pod puppy? Thanks in advance, She Who Is So Wise, And Carries On Despite Life-Threatening Injuries...


*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Alien Pod Puppy

TVT: My dear funny girl, I checked the list of memory boosting foods and dog food wasn't on it, neither were dog treats. You're on you own about the memory issue. As for "little" Abby, I wouldn't fret about her ginormous genes too much. As long as you are top dog, all is well. I weigh almost 4lbs. My one sister outweighs me by albs and the other by 60lbs. I'm still the queen. Do not fret. With proper training, you have nothing to worry about. As for the behavior, it gives you a great excuse to play bitey neck with her. I wish all the questions were as easy as yours, Fiona.

Fiona is still Top Dog

‪Frankie Furter‬ asked…
My Question: Some of my Blogville furends have been teasing me beclaws I have not EATEN the baby rabbits that I found. They even asked if they taste like CHICKEN.
Soooo do you think I have become a sissy? Should I be mean to defenseless baby bunnies? Isn't it better to wait until they grow up so I can play chase with them?

To this distressed comment, the cave-less and internets-less ‪Mango‬ said...
Hey! I saw Frankie's remark! Yuh, he is a total girly dog now all smushie and soft in the head. Next thing you know he'll be watching Ghost and Dirty Dancing on DVD.
Slobbers,
 Mango

TVT: Stop right here! Frankie is my bestie and I'll have none of that. Frankie is "special". He's a sensitive guy with a tender side. No, I wouldn't exactly call him a Metro Dog, but I would say he's more sensitive than the average dawg. There's one more thing you may not know about Frankie Furter: he's a genius! He always has his reasons. For example, only a genius would know that those bunnies were flea infested, and you know how precious Frankie's furs are to him. He didn't want to end up like his fleabag mom. I would really appreciated if you all reconsidered your attitude. It's not nice to assume. We all know what that does to u + me. And if you still have your doubts, read Lola's question. Squirrels and bunnies make excellent chase toys once they are old enough to run fast.

Frankie clearly demonstrating he's letting his momma get all the fleas

Lola‬ asked…
Regarding Frankie's not eating the bunnies, I have to tell you that few weeks ago Franklin found a bunch of baby squirrels whose nest had fallen. He just sat there and looked at them for the longest time, and left them unmolested. The Mommy squirrel rebuilt the nest and picked up the babies and I plan to be chasing the hell out of them by next Spring. Franklin, I believe, wanted to adopt them. Maybe it's something about the name.

Twinkie, I didn't know about the dog intelligence scale, but after reading about it in your post I checked. They've got Shar Pei as number 51. Is that just because we don't slavishly do everything we're asked? I think we're pretty smart to be naturally well behaved enough to live with. It gives the humans less motivation to try to make a huge deal out of the areas where we differ with them. Number 51....I really don't get it. It's true that we're not terribly useful, but I think most of us are pretty bright.


lotsa licks, Lola

TVT: I agree with you, Lola, but it's exactly for that reason that Peis are at number 51. Your extreme dog intelligence granted you the mental capacity to place yourselves smack in the middle of this stoopid scale, so that humans would let you be. I find it brilliant. If you look closely, under "obey of first command" it says that you listen 50% of the time or better. That's by choice, your choice. Congratulations on your breed's most excellent and strategic placement on the dog intelligence scale.

Peis are so smart, they can even get a career into healthcare. 

Those Elgin Pugs‬ asked…
We like Twinkie Van Twinkerson Tuesdays!!

Now... Our goofy brother..seems to think he's a Puppy Mastiff!! How do we convince him otherwise 'dat he be a Puggie just like us???


Eager in Elgin
{hee hee, ha ha}

TVT: I'm confused, and I don't get confused easily. Isn't your bother in love with Sequoia who is a pug? I mean, why Sequoia and not Tula? In any case, I'm afraid until you give me a little more info I can't address this issue properly. I would however address another issue:

Whaz up with the ear action? BOL

houndstooth‬ asked…
Great answers again, Twinkie!

After that infamous "incident" over the weekend, Mom and Dad aren't letting any of us in the bedroom unsupervised. I find this to be highly unfair, particularly since it wasn't me who did it! How do I convince them to let me back in there without telling who did it?


Bunny

TVT: That's right! You're no tattle teller, you're a Taletellette with a tail. Bunny, your folks, according to you (definitely not me) are old enough to have wet the bed themselves, or was it just your dad? In any case, old folks don't remember things too well. I say you tell the rest of the girls, yes, Morgan too (be nice) to not make any accidents. Your parents are sure to forget the incident and then you get to have a party ON the bed.  But there's one more thing to make things move faster:

The look nobody can resist!

Cat Mandu‬ asked...
Dear Twinkie,
 I love my tunnels and spend a lot of time in them. Some of my friends now want to experience the tunnels. My friend, Khiera, wants to go through my tunnels, but I am afraid she will get stuck. What would you recommend?

Cat Mandu

TVT: Great, now I'm giving out advice to cats. Humph. Just don't use it against me. Alright, glad that's been clarified. About your friend, since I do not have the specifics, I'd recommend either you put her on a diet and exercise regiment (get one of those wind up mice) or trim her tail.
Dude! Wait a minute! You meant Khyra with her fluff and all? A sibe? Are woo nuts? I'm so grateful for comments. I did a bit of research and discovered you suggested I, Twinkie Van Twinkerson, go through the enormous tunnel? OMD that's why I can't trust cats completely.  See, my guard was down and you got me. No more, Cat Mandu. No more…

Cat Mandu enjoying one of TWO new tunnels

K-9 Katastrophe‬ asked…
Dears Miss Twinkie,

 I am not sures if yous know but Maggie Mae is my girl. I love her bunches. But todays I went to visit a friends of mines blog, named Corbin and he says he has a date with Maggie Mae. Could this be a date as just friends? or are they pulling the wools over my eyes? My heart aches just to tinks that Maggie Mae may not likes me anymore. Whats should I doos? Here is da link to da post that he wrote saying about dat date: http://cutecorbin.blogspot.com/2010/09/wordless-wednesday-2.html

And whats worts is dat she left a comment sayings she will see hims tomorrow for dere date.

Oh wise Twinkie Van Twinkerson can you tell me if I losts her and if so hows I can gets her back?
Sad and depressed little licks,

Otis


Later that day...

‪K-9 Katastrophe‬ said...
Hi Twinkie, I am so hap hap happy! Maggie Mae said to me that I am the one! I am sorry I bothered you! I loves your blog! And yous is so cute!
Licks and hugs,

Otis

TVT: What can I tell you? I am impressed and proud of you. Only a real man takes care of this type of business just like you did. You certainly did not bother me one bit. I'm here for you and our community and love spats are part of our daily life, therefore we must deal with them. I was confused as to why Maggie Mae picked Corbin over Emmett, but in the end she made the best choice. Now remember, unlike some newlyweds in blogland, we are polygamous. Don't go committing yourself to one b***h alone anytime soon. I hope you and Ms Maggie Mae have a long and fruitful relationship.

Love is in the air

The Brindle Chiweenie asked…
Twinkie, remember the chihuahua calendar you recently posted about? Well, it sucked! What are you going to do about it?

TVT: Leave it up to the chiweenie to ask a delicate question. Dear Frankie Brindlebum, I'm afraid you have a point. The dog calendar was not up to standard so I deleted the whole thing and made a new one. If anybody is interested, the link is at the sidebar. If not, I can't blame you. Who would want a teacup chihuahua calendar? Certainly not me.

Before I go, I just want to share a thought that's in the back of my head constantly lately. I know it's still early, but I'm so looking forward to our next Global Animal Blogging Event (G.A.B.E)! I'm brainstorming trying to come up with cool ideas and figuring out how to make the animal blogdom shake!


OMD I almost forgot! Check out a new site, Pet Book Stars, still in progress, where we'll be sharing our... wait a minute. Bella The Westie already posted all about it. Please check her post out by clicking HERE! Anytime you want to check out Pet Book Stars, there's badge on my sidebar that will take you right to it.

Now, go do the right thing!

Twinkie