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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Attention Insane Cracker Dogs

The honorable Judge Twink presiding

Ehem, you may be seated.
This post marks the opening of my arbitrary and preprepreliminary scoring of some of the INSANE CRACKER DOG CATEGORY entries in

Scoring rules may change at any time based on my SOLE discretion
Best possible score: 5
Worst possible score: -5
Extra points are in units and are based on bribes

Contestant #1
Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)
5p for having been born "crackers". Congrats
5p for messing with the kitteh
5p for histrionics
Energy Level of Participan and of Post
5p for blurry action photos
3p for mellowing down "a bit"
6p because your pawrents are crackers too (runs in the family)
Level of Destruction
4p for not showing enough stuffy guts (the zoomies inside and out helped this score)
+5p for praising Mango Minster and saying it's a "dog competition like no other"
-5p for saying Mango Minster is a "dog competition like no other". I organize a yearly dog contest myself, duh!
Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points
+1 for excellent friend-greeting technique
-1 for pathetic bark 
+1 vocals

Contestant #2
Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)
5p for being born a terrier, kudos
5p for demolishing them tacos, slurp
Energy Level of Participan and of Post
5p for jumping shot
  4p because there's only one jumping shot
Level of Destruction
4p for eating taco upside down challenge
5p for eating the taco, slurp

Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points
+5 for being a loyal ol' blog pal of mine. I love you man!
meep! (let's work on that, buddy)

Contestant #3
Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)
5p for being so crackers
5p for serious hose attack, bravo!
4p for doubting your insanity at the end
Energy Level of Participan and of Post
5p Overall reaction
-1p I had to deduct a point for the "normal" shot
Level of Destruction
4p for or excellent opening. I would have given you a 5 but you only destroyed one stuffy.
Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points
+2 for detox
+1 for training your humans
-2 because your furry tail didn't leave the ground
+2 out of possible 100s. The items you offered are of no significant use to me, plus most of them were obviously used and there wasn't an ounce of marrow left in those bones for me. Tsk tsk

I'm feeling frustrated now, so I'm going to go chew on some of my own bully sticks.

Court is adjourned for the day

Twinkie V. Twinkerson

United Pet Blogdom District Judge


Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

BRIBES???? ME???? NEVER!!!!
BUTT.... If someone wanted to bestow some goodies on my WIVES... Well now Who am I to stand in their way!!!!

Tucker said...

Boy dis is a tough category. I'm glad I'm no cracker.

woof - Tucker

HoundDogMom said...

Oh, Twinkie. We can see it in your eyes, you really want to sway the votes for the The HoundDogs AKA Cracker Dogs. Please, Please, let us know what you are needing at the estate and we will get it right to you. The HoundDogs

The Boston Lady said...

Psst, Twinkie, it's me. Sadie. The Cracker Dog contender. Just stopping by to tells ya that I think you are the smartest, prettiest Chihuahua I've ever seen. Make that of any dogs I've ever seen. Just wanted ta say that, no special reason.... Your Slave for Life, Sadie

Oskar said...

Whew, tough work that judging. You do it SO very well!

Extra nubbin wiggles,

Asta said...

Good thing i didn't entew that'we vewy ahem, pwofessional and wondewfully awbitwawy, but you have to wowk on getting bettew bwibes
smoochie kisses

Charlie said...

Hi Twinkie, I just wanted to mention about that stuffy guts thing... I just don't like to leave evidence:

- your friend, Charlie

Oreo said...

Twink, ole long time buddy and pal!!!
Ok, fur the bribes, just how many Tacos would you like to have sent to YOU?? Would you like the double shell kind with extra toppings?? ANything fur you, your most honorable and fair and wonderful and terrific judge!! Does that score me about 20 bazillion points???

Dexter said...

Gosh Twink,I think that got a reaction...

What do you mean my dog show isn't the biggest and bestest? I believe sharing bribes with Mango is part of being a judge (that is if you got any decent ones).


Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

To the Most Esteemed Honorable Twink, your Honor...

WAIT WAIT AND WAIT...This is Lacie...I grovel to no dog. This is impossible to flatter you with words. So...where does that leave us?

ACTIONS???!!! AH...a far better CAT A GORY for the Lacie. How can Twink be bribed....??


Hmm...she twirls a piece of errant fur that has curled down her sweet attractive cheek...I'm thinking I COULD pencil you in for next weekend. NO NO...not this weekend. My calendar is completely full.

Kisses and more,

Lacie, Also a Very Tiny Dog

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Twink...say no...just say no...

Our sister is dangerous...and completely crackers, we're just sayin'...

Scruffy and Stan

Two French Bulldogs said...

No doubt you are the boss Twinkie.
Benny & Lily

Pepsi Bum said...

Wow, you ARE quite the judge, aren't you Twink? You should work harder at getting better bribes though, BOL.


Unknown said...

Oh Mr Twinkie, my honorable, handsomest, sweetest and cleverest judge, this is Eva again, the little girl who is competing with those big name contestants. I just want to tell you that I love your blog very much, it is full of wisdom and wits, it's also the funniest that it always made me fall of my chair. Luckily, I didn't hurt myself whenever I fell onto it. It is carpeted!!! It is my honour to have you as my judge and I'm so glad to know more about you too. I've been trying to catch up with your old posts and I'm still reading and reading. I wish you a very good day and please don't put too much stress on yourself. Some beer and tacos and cheese are in the fridge and they are all reserved for you, my honorable judge!

Unknown said...

Oops!!! It's me, Eva again!!! How many comments you would like me to leave you daily?
I can tell my mom to do it. She is really free!!!Anyway, I will make her free so she can do it.

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

YOUR HONOR!! Verbal exhortations have clearly failed. Abby is going to have to appoint a 24/7 security guard to protect Your Honor from yourself and to protect the judicial ethics of MM 2011. Jed is on his way. You'll find him a dog of few words and REALLY big, sharp teeth, if you get my drift. Plus he outweighs Your Honor by about 75 lbs. Perhaps Your Honor requires to be totally sequestered prior to the official judging? It may take Jed a while to get there, as he does not fly and will have to hitchhike or walk [the Judicial Ethics budget being what it is] all the way across the entire U.S. Please try to restrain your avarice pending his arrival.

Jed & Abby, L.B.E.

Diana Chiew said...

Oops, am I missing out on something?

I know you have a tough job here as the judge for the Insane Cracker Dogs may get crackered yourself. Knowing how tough it is for you, I have asked my Aunty Diana to make you some delicious, LIP-SMACKING liver jerky. Let me tell you, they are the best treats in the world. If you have tasted them, you wouldn't want your bully stick anymore.

Bribes? No, they are not. They are rewards for you as a good judge.

Brad Fallon said...

Judging these gorgeous dogs are a really tough job... I'm glad I'm not one of the judge. :)

Charlie said...

Ms. Twinkerson, before Jed arrives to put the kibosh on our "fun", I wanted to let you know just how much I appreciate Your Honor. In fact, I've dedicated my blog entry today to your judicial self.
Your crackers friend,

The Boston Lady said...

Twinkie, my mom's out for awhile so I snuck in to leave you this message: You Rock! No reason, it just occured to my cracker brain today. In fact I did circuits around the backyard (which you could have FULL access to) when I thought about it. No other words are necessary. From Sadie, your humble servant, I mean, Cracker Contender

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