It's a dog blog, a cat blog, a cat and dog blog. Fun, reviews, dog training tips . . .

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Dear Twinkie

Madi and Mom asked...
Dear Twinkie Marie Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson,
'How did(heck it took so long to type your name I forgot my question).oh yeah.. you get such a long name, and if you get married will you be required to say all of it during your vows?'

TVT: For the memory, I recommend fish oil supplements. As for the marriage vows, I'll just have to make sure I marry someone who is good at memorizing, since I'll be adding my married name to my maiden one. I can also provide cheat sheets. OMD I'm only four, I can't think so far ahead!
The OP Pack asked...
Great job, Twinkie - you nailed every question. We wonder if there will be any payback from the RH.
TVT: So far, so god. (Phew) He's been busy rehydrating himself. 
Tucker asked...
Why is it I can't spell?
TVT: I did a research that reviled that 50% of Americans kent spel. Blaim it on aour edukasion sistemm.
Since you are now in the advice business, can you tell me how to deal with an upstart puppy who is likely going to be much bigger than me when she is full grown? She needs to know her place, but I'm a bit worried she might come back and kick my butt when she's older.
TVT: I am dealing with the same problem myself. It's really simple. Oppression. Size is irrelevant. You must use your wits. For example: You don't have to fight over treats. As soon as Abby gets the treat you want, distract her and then steal it as fast as you can. This won't work so well unless you practice your most innocent look (this one's for the parents). 
Stella asked...
We here are all interested in starting a campaign to allow dogs in libraries and restaurants. Where should we start?
TVT: There's nothing cuter and more educational than dogs in libraries. We must teach people that in today's  computerized world having a child read to a dog is beneficial. To do that, we need volunteer dogs that will behave at all times. That's why M never takes me to the library. Here's a cool LINK ( for you. 
Restaurants are a totally separate issue when we have to deal with the annal bozos of the FDA who have decided that humans are more sanitary than dogs. It's not going to happen any time soon, therefore, I recommend that meanwhile we all visit dog-friendly restaurants. You can check out more info by clicking on this LINK ( to United States and Canada's guide for dogs of all sizes.

Martine asked...
The kiddlets want to know, will mom still love us once the baby comes?!?!?! Will be still have a bloggie?!?!
TVT: You can rest assured, you are loved. As for the bloggie, I heard something about hospital wi-fi, so, as you can see for yourselves, mommy has taken every precaution to keep your bloggie going. What I would focus on, if I was in your paws, is trying to get some pizzle past your dad. And don't forget, human peanuts are the best!

3 doxies said...
Twink, you make a great advice lady. You have da most bestest advice. I loooves what Mayzie calls you. I go gets my thinking cap on so I cans come back with a question.
TVT asks: Did you ever find that thinking cap? I'm wai-ting...

JackDaddy said...
You are just a regular Abby Landers! (Ask your mom!)
TVT: I answer the questions, not my mom. Ann Landers, aka Ruth Crowley, is passé and so is Dear Abby, plus they both deal with "human" issues whereas I, Twinkie Van Twinkerson, offer fresh and furiendly contemporary advice.
Sallie asked...
Alien's girlfriend, Ruth The Biker Frog, invited me to ride on her Harley. Is that safe? Do they make doggie helmets? 
TVT: Aha, most excellent question. Safety first! Don't forget to brush up on your skills by attending a Safe Rider Course and always wear a helmet. You can find fashionable helmets HERE.
Remember to always secure your safety gear
K9friend asked...
Brilliant job, Twink! Now if you can only tell me how to win the lottery...
TVT: Open multiple email accounts and start surfing the internet. Everywhere they offer something for free, leave your email addresses. Sit back and wait. You'll be a lucky winner in no time! Even if you don't see the big bucks, you'll at least get paid in Viagra.
kissa-bull asked...
the WHOLE pack wants to know if you thinks its rude to toot in front of guests in the house. mommish thinks that its not vewy nice but we do it caush its our way of welcoming guests to our house
TVT: Tooting is a sign of love and/or welcome is proper canine etiquette. I think it's your guests who are being rude by not tooting. 
Chester asked...
Mom and I have both been enjoyin' our newfound friendships we've formed over the last 16 months since we started bloggin'. What we'd like to know is how can we get a snooter to snooter meetin' with everybody-like a big DWB partay? I think it would be the funnest thing ever. Could you maybe arrange it, Oh Wise One?
TVT: I have not met the folks over at DWB yet, but I'll see what I can do. For now, you can visit this year's Global Animal Blogging Event links, and there's always Global Animal Blogging Event 2011 to look forward to!
Ina in Alaska asked...
We would like to know where we should address our question for next week?? 
TVT: Oh, boy! And it isn't even Champagne Thursday... BOL Here. Right HERE will do just fine.
Where can I get a cold drink around here? :)
TVT: Ask and you shall receive! 

KB challenged...
We over here at Romp and Roll aren't sure that you have enough wisdom for this job Twinkie. You seem to do some silly things yourself. Do you think that you have the wisdom needed?
TVT: I sense that I am being provoked. I may only be four, but I'm an old soul. Do not confuse silliness with stupidity. A wise tea cup chihuahua resorts to doing silly things to get her point across. I sense you're still skeptical, well, shoot me a real question then. Bring it on you rompers and rollers! (can I still come to you for animal track related questions or do I need to tough it out after this exchange? BOL)

Cocorue asked...
how do i get to visit you guys WITHOUT being fedex/put in the cargo hold where i would freeze to death/or whatever! i want to have a playdate with you and all my furends and don't tell me to do that in my dreams!!!
TVT: Well, I would never tell you to do that in your dreams because I am trying to give out constructive advice. However, I did check your location on your blog and it's listed as WaWaLand. I will need your coordinates to answer this question better. 
ocmist asked...
YOU were the one doing GABE... How could you not know about it?!? The CC Pups
P.S. Or was that a joke... We are still young and might have missed it if it was?
TVT: I had a temporary memory toot. Okay, I was joking. As KB stated, I tend to get a bit silly sometimes. It's a powerful urge and I can't fight it. I did organize the first Global Animal Blogging Event

I am super talented with my head twists, twirls, and following directions...Do you know of any good talent agencies that could get me in a movie or at least a magazine. You are in Hollywood...and that is where all the good actress and actors live right?
TVT: I do live near Hollywood; that is absolutely correct. No, that is not where all the good actresses and actors live; that is incorrect. Drop the "good".  If you're in a hurry to move out here, let me find you a good job waitressing (which is what the rest of the actors do).
Twix asked...
What would we do without you?
TVT: You would probably improve the overall quality of your blog-reading.

*Don't forget, Global Animal Blogging Event still in progress*
And lovely free giveaways to check out
Now go take on the day!



My Mind's Eye said...

Hi Twinkie....(fyi: I'm dropping the butt load of names you have until the fish oil kicks in). Great advice today. Good job of giving Life With Dogs their requested water.
Madi and Mom

NAK and The Residents of The Khottage said...

Woo are surely one furry smart khanine!

So many answers to so many challenging khwestions!


Anonymous said...

Dear Twinkie Yo Yo Ma Chico Bandito,

I thinks you did another real outstanding job on your advice column. You're like Dr. Laura only less scary and mean.

My question is, in two weeks, I haves to take my high school graduation test and I'm real afraids I might flunk it. What should I do if I gets stuck on an answer? Mom says it's wrong to cheat.

Wiggles & Wags,

3 doxies said...

Twink, I did finds my thinking cap and I dids come back and askeded you a question...hmmmmm. Maybes your fish oil hasn't kicked in either...hehehehe!

Ruby and Penny said...

Hi ........Twinkerson , you fill in the blanks.
We love reading your advice. Do you have any advice for us?
Love Ruby & Penny

Martine said...

Tuesdays are now our favorite day of the week!

The kiddlets appreciate your great advice and have been reassured they will still exist after the peanut comes... that is if he makes his debut!

Now a question from Caps: to get more attention is it ok to act totally crazy and out of control when I visit the potty park? also, what do you think it means that I want to jump on any dog that weights at least 200x more than I do?

Ina in Alaska said...

LMAO!!!! Thank you Twinkie Twinklebug Cutie Patootie Maria Chupa Capra Strawberry Margarita Rumbalicious!! xoxoxox

Remington said...

WOW between you and Star you have all the answers! Thanks!

Sagira said...

Wow, Twinkie, you are so smart and know so much.

GonetoTheSnowDogs said...

Well this was extremely fun to read! We learned alot today! Thanks for answering so many questions!

Wooo Wooooo
Shiloh, Shelby and Their Mom

Two French Bulldogs said...

Twink with such a long beautiful name, why are you a TV news reporter. We have those people with long names here in L.A. BOL
Benny & Lily

Dog Foster Mom said...

Dear Twinkie Maria Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-Bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson,

We (me, Remi, Noelle, Merlin, and current foster pets) all really enjoy reading your advice column each week. Noelle has a question for you. She wants to know if its okay to keep doing zoomies even though she is now a mature adult at 1 and a half years old. She doesn't want the foster dogs to lose respect for her if she still acts like a puppy. Can you please give her some advice?

The Adventures of the LLB Gang said...

Another wonderful round of advice Twinkie!!


Golden Samantha said...

Loved reading all the questions and your wise advice! I'll have to come up with some ??? for your next column!
xo Sammie

Stella said...

Very good column, Twinkie! Even Ali Z says you are doing a great job!

I'm gonna go check out your advice now.


Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

Whewie, you are just a font of information and sound advice. Keep up the grrrreat work!!

Sonic said...

The silly FDA and their strange beliefs. If they think dogs are less sanitary than humans, then they've never met my Pops!


Lorenza said...

Hi, Dear Twinkie Marie Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson!
I wonder why I always forget my question when I finish writting your name!
Kisses and hugs

Cocorue said...

dear dear TwinkieMCECDCCTwinkerson,

you are one dang smart Chi and i don't say that YOU think there's a WaWaLand? go figure and find a way to stop my mumster embarrasing me ALL the time!

NO ONE has ever picked that up or they were too dang polite to ask BOL BOL BOL!

my NEXT Q: do you think i can sell my mumster on eBay? i have never seen a 2legger being sold at auction.

awaiting your wise answer as the sooner i sell her, the better returns i will get as i think her SELL OUT date is expiring!


BRUTUS said...

Wow Twink (you'll always just be Twink to us, no matter how many names get tagged on you!), you are quite the source of information! Gonna need your own Wikipedia entry pretty soon!

Brutus the Frenchie

Pat Wahler said...

Most excellent answers. You are wise beyond your years.

Sally Ann and Andy said...

Your advice is great, but my question is, do you let your sisters help with the advice. I know your Italian sister is older, so does she help?
Sally Ann

Lucy-Fur, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

For a very little dog, you have a Very Big Brain! (And I'll work on the whole treat stealing thing...) You are most smart!

*kissey face*

The Oceanside Animals said...

Wow, lots of questions and lots of answers today!

Kate said...

Dearest Twinkie Marie Conchita Espenoza Cucaracha Doodle-bug Chupa Cabra Twinkerson - yet another genius instalment!

A question if I may: Howcome when a dog chases a cat.. and the cat stops, turns around and swipes with the razor paws.. that I end up feeling like my schnoz is on fire? Please help!


Dexter said...

I am going to hang your reply about passing gas on the cold box for momma to see. I think it is totally wise and will give me the freedom to engage in one of my favorite activities without the humans leaving the room.


Life With Dogs said...

ROFL! My wise ass comment did not even justify a response! So thanks for making me laugh!

KB said...

You said about library dogs: "we need volunteer dogs that will behave at all times...". Hmmm, I don't think that I know any dogs or humans who qualify!!!


Hi Twink,

Whenever hoomans come to visit, I am excited to see them and my head starts spinning around like Linda Blaire in the Exorcist. Do you think this is unusual behavior for a furrendly pup like me? I'm starting to get a complex!

Your pal,Riley.

Clive said...

Such a great Q & A session! Thanks for all that info!

take care
Clive and the NSLM

♥ Sallie said...

You give the best advice ever! :)


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