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Saturday, January 22, 2011

Mango Minster Faux Pas 'N An Announcement

Well, matter of fact, I don't really care what else Mango Minster 2011's contestants get wrong, as long as y'all get my category--Insane Cracker Dogs--right.

Insane Cracker Dog Category Closed 
fermé, geschlossen,
cerrado, chiuso
Yup yup, the category I've been honored to judge, has officially closed. I know some of you are not good at math or reading directions, so I thought I'd help spread the news.

Comment on Comments

Aside from bribes, I've been getting tons of brown-nosing. Thank you furry much, BUT I happen to know that we dogs are by definition brown-nosers, therefore, while I'm always happy to humbly receive your praises as to my person and blog, compliments will not be affecting your total score, much, if any.

Now, about funny comments. Those actually do add lots of point to your overall score board.

Allow me to demonstrate:

I'm going to use Eva as an example.

Exhibit A (1st comment):

Oh Mr Twinkie, my honorable, handsomest, sweetest and cleverest judge, this is Eva again, the little girl who is competing with those big name contestants. I just want to tell you that I love your blog very much, it is full of wisdom and wits, it's also the funniest that it always made me fall of my chair. Luckily, I didn't hurt myself whenever I fell onto it. It is carpeted!!! It is my honour to have you as my judge and I'm so glad to know more about you too. I've been trying to catch up with your old posts and I'm still reading and reading. I wish you a very good day and please don't put too much stress on yourself. Some beer and tacos and cheese are in the fridge and they are all reserved for you, my honorable judge!

Eva does a lovely job tail-kissing, but she also spells "honour" in British and only offers tacos and cheese.

Exhibit B (2nd comment on same post):

Oops!!! It's me, Eva again!!! How many comments you would like me to leave you daily?
I can tell my mom to do it. She is really free!!!Anyway, I will make her free so she can do it.

That's what I'm talking about! Eva came back with a sense of humor. She got quite a few brownie points the minute M started making snorting sounds as she spilled her coffee all over our pretty white keyboard which is fast-ly turning beige.


 Lacie (the Premium Saltine Cracker),

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place has left a new comment on your post "Attention Insane Cracker Dogs":

To the Most Esteemed Honorable Twink, your Honor...

WAIT WAIT AND WAIT...This is Lacie...I grovel to no dog. This is impossible to flatter you with words. So...where does that leave us?

ACTIONS???!!! AH...a far better CAT A GORY for the Lacie. How can Twink be bribed....??


Hmm...she twirls a piece of errant fur that has curled down her sweet attractive cheek...I'm thinking I COULD pencil you in for next weekend. NO NO...not this weekend. My calendar is completely full.

Kisses and more,

Lacie, Also a Very Tiny Dog

Oh, boy! For starters, you're not that tiny. Maybe you need to cut back. You can eliminate lots of calories by refraining from biting your momma's neck, for example. More importantly, I'm a WO-man and therefore, I reject your date offer. Even more importantly, I gave my heart to Mango, long ago, and since he rejected me, I've stopped dating altogether.


Jazzi left the following comment:

Twink, ole long time buddy and pal!!!
Ok, fur the bribes, just how many Tacos would you like to have sent to YOU?? Would you like the double shell kind with extra toppings?? ANything fur you, your most honorable and fair and wonderful and terrific judge!! Does that score me about 20 bazillion points???

Maybe not a full 20 bazillion, but almost. Tacos are good. Any edibles (including dog treats, especially homemade ones) are okay by me. I'll graciously accept those and throw in a few extra points, mainly because I know how important tacos are to you, and you're still willing to share.


Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie have organized a side event to Mango Minster 2011. It's going to be a fun and easy to enter costume contest. Check it out HERE. G2G. Must figure out my entry!

Judge Twink


Scooter said...

Hey Twinkie!
Wow, lots of brown nosing going on! I for one am staying outa that. I will admit that yours is one of my mostest favoritest blogs, but I'm not even in your category! Keep your chin up and outa all that brown! Have fun as a judge!
Grr and Woof,
Sarge, COP

Two French Bulldogs said...

we got your back Ttwinkie, you handsome devil
Benny & Lily

The Boston Lady said...

Hi Judge Twinkie, this is Sadie's mom, The Boston Lady. It's come to my attention that my little innocent Sadie has come on here groveling and scraping in order to garner more points. I believe that her sis, Panda, was the instigator behind all of that embarrassing "kissing up". I have had the appropriate talk with both of them regarding flattery getting you nowhere, etc. and that they are to stay away from the computer and behave honorably for the remainder of this competition. I have things under control now and you will no longer have to tolerate such behavior. Respectfully, Ann TBL

The Boston Lady said...

Twinkie, its me, Sadie. I have to make this quick cuz the human is on to me now. I was totally sincere in all my praise and I just to offer you

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

I can only ASSume that some of your contentants are NEW and do not realize that you are a LOVELY LADY. I'm just sayin.

Unknown said...

Oh my dearest dear dear Judge Twinkie, first of all, my sincerest apologies for the most horrible, terrible, unforgivable mistake that my human secretary made. Her mistake almost ruined my reputation as a cracker dog and I sincerely ask for your forgiveness. I promise I will send her back to her secretary school and let her learn how to type probably. Btw, my secretary learned darn British English at home because her poor country was a colony before and she had no green paper to study in your wonderful and beautiful land when she was a big bigger. I pity her though!!!
If you don't mind, I'd like to thank smart Frankie Furter here as he is so clever and he found the mistake. Many many thanks to you, Frankie. You're so famous and you've so so many friends. I really admire you!
Anyway, I want to say that from the bottom of my heart that you, the most beautiful, fairest, cleverest, smartest Judge of the best category of MM 2011 is a #1 Judge of the whole wide world. It is perfect, true fact that no one can deny it!
Have a nice weekend!!! Some fizzy drinks and burgers might be good for weekend too!You can place your orders here, teehee!!

The Bumpass Hounds said...

Hey Judge Twinkie,
I just want you to know that I wouldn't think of stooping so low as offering you a bribe or trying to kiss tail or brown nose; I'm above that sort of stuff. I have reality on my side; I'm really insane - not just pretending like all of the other 19 entrants in the category.
Two of my siblings in "The Family" really want me to win. I told them that you were the judge and they said "We'll make him an offer he can't refuse." My sister 'Shiloh' Capone is very fond of me and so is my brother Don 'Max' Corleone. They promised me that you'd choose me as the #1 Insane Cracker dog. Actually, either Max or Shiloh could have entered because they're really kind of unstable themselves. OBTW: Max weighs a measly 155 lbs and Shiloh tips the scales at about 165 lbs. They really love Mexican food, especially little "Tiny" Tacos. I guess they'll be really upset if I don't win. Perhaps you could console them if I happened to not win. I'm sure that they'd be willing to drop by your place for counseling. I wonder how hard it'll be for them to find out where you live in case they need to discuss things with you. You sure are a cute little guy. I hope that continues to be the case. For some reason, Max wants to know if you own a race horse.
- Your #1 Insane Cracker fan, Patti-Whackit

The Bumpass Hounds said...

Kate said...

Will you go out with me Twinkie Dearest, love of my life and all that?

I'm a boy
You're a girl.

Its meant to be.......

I'll take you out, butter you up and hope for good successes with the MM!

Diana Chiew said...

Hey, Minnie, come on over here and say something nice to the honorable judge Twinkie!! Minnie....MINNIE....!!

Sorry, Judge Twinkie, Minnie is off to play zoomie again. We'll go and see if we can CATCH her.

Santa and Christmas

Oskar said...

I believe my cracker-ness speaks for itself, but you are looking mighty handsome lately!

Nubbin wiggles,

LivrLovr said...

Twink, Twink, Twink! What are we going to do? Seems to be getting a little sexist in here, don't you think? Just because you are a JUDGE doesn't mean you HAVE to be a MALE??? Have your contestants not heard of Judge Judy, and the other female judges on mid-day TV?
But wait, I think I'm understanding now - it is a ploy to convince you that since they don't know you are a lovely, talented LADY, they should truly be considered the ultimate Insane Cracker Dog! Ah, very sly, these wanna-be contest winners!
Gotta go - it's grooming day and its time to enjoy my hour of being primped in the sun. May you enjoy the same soon!
The Lovely Olivia

The Bumpass Hounds said...

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