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Monday, January 17, 2011

Bribery Suggestions

This post is dedicated to all uninspired cracker dogs that aspire to win Mango Minster 2011:

Somebody please flush the toilet

Any cracker doggie want to adopt our cracker doggie? If not for me, at least do it for the kittehs!

Deal of the day: If you take the cat tree, you get the kittehs too! Do not pass on this once in a lifetime deal!

In addition to the aforementioned suggestions. Here are some comments from exemplary entrants, for those who can't get a clue (I have also underlined some important key words):

Court Exhibit A

Dear superior Judge Twinkie,
Please remember me, Eva is a cute cracker contestant and I'd love to win your heart too!
Please don't blame me but my mom. She has too many things in her little brain lately and didn't work out things very well.
I'd already told her that our house is big and our guest room is cosy and comfy and it is already ready so you can have a vacation whenever you like. You know my weather is much better than yours although there is no snow provided. But come on, is there anything better than having some sun bathing and enjoy the warm sea breeze at this moment. No flood, no storm and no volcano eruptions but there are fireworks, parties and BBQ!!! Btw, I have some beef jerky, hooves, greenies, salmon sushi rolls in my jars.
I'm not bribing you at all because I know it is not right. I'm just trying to tell you that life will be even better if you know what I mean.
Eva, the sheltie

Go Eva! Now, you're talking!

Court Exhibit B

Oh Great Twinkie, Judge of Judges, Most Beautiful Chihuahua in the World (no! the universe!). I've gotten access to my human's computer so I could see what kind of, ah, "arrangement" we can work out. I have a nice big yard, live with a couple wussy kittehs, and one tough BT, my sis, Panda. She's taught me everything I know. Panda says we can offer you a large king bed to lounge about on and humans who will minister to your every need. Also, can you say "Doggy Disney World"? It's the dog beach! You could come and show us how it's really done, Twinkie-style. Uh oh, here comes a human, gotta go. Cracker Sadie

Pee.S I also sent u an email, my talents apparently have no limits!

The email:
Your Most Honorable Judge Twinkie,

Since I am new to the "Cracker Dog" syndrome, at least in my human's eyes, my entry was somewhat spontaneous. What can a humble Cracker Dog do to make this process, uhm, beneficial for us both? Massive comments and compliments on your blog, perhaps?

Your Biggest Fan,

Cracker Sadie

Yeessss! You're getting there.

On this happy note, Court is adjourned for the day
Twinkie V. Twinkerson

United Pet Blogdom District Judge


Those Elgin Pugs said...

ha ha!!!

flush 'da toilets!!!

too funnies... we's tinks yous all having funs!!

Say hi to our bro
'da Elgin Gurls

Anonymous said...

Um, HELLOOOOOO... why isn't anyone telling you they'd share the CHEESE winnings with you? Duh... so duh...

Twinkie, I always knew you were on the wrong side of the least you don't make any bones about it... ;)

Pippen said...

We would just like to remind you that our offer is good at anytime of the year not a specific date so when you do come for your months' vacation it could be when it's stinkin' hot at your place and nice and cool at ours!

Sam and Pippen

Pees. We should also mention there is a cupboard full of beer...

The Bumpass Hounds said...

Coincidence that one of our cats, actually all of them, nominated one of our dogs as an Insane Cracker Dog. Can you please tell Mango that we want to enter, we can't seem to leave him notification.

♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥ said...

No cracker dogs here, but we do have a cracker Mom - she actually wants us to offer to take the Terrorista off your paws:)

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Two French Bulldogs said...

Its mayhem! Don't do any flushies!!
Benny & Lily

Pepsi Bum said...

Not the flush, Twink! BOL, you're gonna have a hard time deciding, with all the most generous "gifts" you're being offered.


Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Hmm...I hadn't realized that these bribes er um offers were so copious in numbers. King sized beds? Hoomans who spoil? Beaches, palms and NO SNOW?

BUTT...honestly, Sir Twink, if and when you get tired of the Estate, I could provide you with a vacation here at the Casa de Terriers that would leave you rested and um pampered.

Sruffy and Stan will attend to your every need and some you don't have. Scruffy can provide enuff gas that you won't have to fuel up for years. Mumsie can provide the comic relief. Only today, she slipped on the black ice while salting the steep slope of our driveway and slid all the way down it on her pajama clad backside. I am so glad no one was around. I detest looking stoopid even by association.

Best regards,

Miss Lacie

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

Your honor has upped the ante in the corruption department! Not only is Your Honor soliciting for goodies, but Your Honor is soliciting to get rid of things residing in Your Honor's house that Your Honor would like see "disappear." The mind boggles at the scale of the corruption. Is Your Honor originally from Chicago? Or a former member of Congress? Abby is going to have to call in assistance to monitor Your Honor's pre-Judging activities to protect Your Honor from, well, pre-judging. Abby is going to need a serious bump in her expense account.

Jed & Abby, L.B.E.

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