Attention Insane Cracker Dogs | Part Deux

The honorable Judge Twink presiding

Sit!

Here are some more of the INSANE CRACKER DOG CATEGORY entries in

Mango Minster 2011

Warning:

Scoring rules may change at any time based on my SOLE discretion

Best possible score: 5

Worst possible score: -5

Extra points are in units and are based on bribes

Contestant #4
EVA

Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)

5p for having confidence in yourself

5p for pawesome slobber action shot

5p for histrionics

Energy Level of Participan and of Post

5p for your personal energy level

4p for your post's energy level (I felt that you left much insanity undisclosed)

6p for your wicked moves

Level of Destruction

4p only because the mailman was not hurt, sorry

Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points

-1 for random princess shot. Are you crackers or a princess?

Bribes

Meep!

Contestant #5
GRETCHEN

Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)

5p for your breed, 'nough said

4p for taking the time to thank the judges, blah blah. Where are the goods, huh?

Energy Level of Participan and of Post

5p for allowing the "inner cracker jack pop", an excellent poin

  5p for french kissing your mommy

Level of Destruction

3p for testing for softness by feel alone?! Use your teeth, if you want to be a proper cracker dog, Gretchen.

Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points

+5 because I liked your blog title. It also reaffirms your commitment to being crackers

Bribes

Am I going blind? I didn't see or smell any.

Ugh, why-oh-why do I bother warning you furiends? Can anybody hear me?

Court is adjourned for the day

Twinkie V. Twinkerson

United Pet Blogdom District Judge

Love Is . . .

Remember them?

Charlie, my new best friend, and top runner up in the Insane Cracker Dog Category in Mango Minster 2011, reminded me of the true meaning of love.

Here's my BFF's new and improved version of 

 

LOVE IS . . .

(I highly recommend you click on the above link for some quality reading material)

He put Pedro where he belongs. (Photo courtesy of Charlie)

I heart you you brave and insane cracker dog!

The Honorable and always impartial Judge Twink

Not A Brownie

Nowadays, brushing your dog's teeth is becoming more and more pup-ular. 

Let's see what Pedrito, the chihuahua puppy, has to say about that.

That's what I have to live with! This potty mouth, annoying, stinky breath, pushy, yappy, dog-treat stealing baby bro. Ugh!

Twinkie

Attention Insane Cracker Dogs

The honorable Judge Twink presiding

Ehem, you may be seated.

This post marks the opening of my arbitrary and preprepreliminary scoring of some of the INSANE CRACKER DOG CATEGORY entries in

Mango Minster 2011

Warning:

Scoring rules may change at any time based on my SOLE discretion

Best possible score: 5

Worst possible score: -5

Extra points are in units and are based on bribes

Contestant #1
CHARLIE

Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)

5p for having been born "crackers". Congrats

5p for messing with the kitteh

5p for histrionics

Energy Level of Participan and of Post

5p for blurry action photos

3p for mellowing down "a bit"

6p because your pawrents are crackers too (runs in the family)

Level of Destruction

4p for not showing enough stuffy guts (the zoomies inside and out helped this score)

+5p for praising Mango Minster and saying it's a "dog competition like no other"

-5p for saying Mango Minster is a "dog competition like no other". I organize a yearly dog contest myself, duh!

Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points

+1 for excellent friend-greeting technique

-1 for pathetic bark 

+1 vocals

Bribes

meep!

Contestant #2
JAZZI

Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)

5p for being born a terrier, kudos

5p for demolishing them tacos, slurp

Energy Level of Participan and of Post

5p for jumping shot

  4p because there's only one jumping shot

Level of Destruction

4p for eating taco upside down challenge

5p for eating the taco, slurp

Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points

+5 for being a loyal ol' blog pal of mine. I love you man!

Bribes

meep! (let's work on that, buddy)

Contestant #3

DOZER

Definition of Category (how well you fit in it)

5p for being so crackers

5p for serious hose attack, bravo!

4p for doubting your insanity at the end

Energy Level of Participan and of Post

5p Overall reaction

-1p I had to deduct a point for the "normal" shot

Level of Destruction

4p for or excellent opening. I would have given you a 5 but you only destroyed one stuffy.

Random and Arbitrary Bonus and Bogus Points

+2 for detox

+1 for training your humans

-2 because your furry tail didn't leave the ground

Bribes

+2 out of possible 100s. The items you offered are of no significant use to me, plus most of them were obviously used and there wasn't an ounce of marrow left in those bones for me. Tsk tsk

I'm feeling frustrated now, so I'm going to go chew on some of my own bully sticks.

Court is adjourned for the day

Twinkie V. Twinkerson

United Pet Blogdom District Judge

Bribery Suggestions

This post is dedicated to all uninspired cracker dogs that aspire to win Mango Minster 2011:

Somebody please flush the toilet

Any cracker doggie want to adopt our cracker doggie? If not for me, at least do it for the kittehs!

Deal of the day: If you take the cat tree, you get the kittehs too! Do not pass on this once in a lifetime deal!


In addition to the aforementioned suggestions. Here are some comments from exemplary entrants, for those who can't get a clue (I have also underlined some important key words):

Court Exhibit A

Dear superior Judge Twinkie,
Please remember me, Eva is a cute cracker contestant and I'd love to win your heart too!
Please don't blame me but my mom. She has too many things in her little brain lately and didn't work out things very well.
I'd already told her that our house is big and our guest room is cosy and comfy and it is already ready so you can have a vacation whenever you like. You know my weather is much better than yours although there is no snow provided. But come on, is there anything better than having some sun bathing and enjoy the warm sea breeze at this moment. No flood, no storm and no volcano eruptions but there are fireworks, parties and BBQ!!! Btw, I have some beef jerky, hooves, greenies, salmon sushi rolls in my jars.
I'm not bribing you at all because I know it is not right. I'm just trying to tell you that life will be even better if you know what I mean.
Licks,
Eva, the sheltie

Go Eva! Now, you're talking!

Court Exhibit B


Oh Great Twinkie, Judge of Judges, Most Beautiful Chihuahua in the World (no! the universe!). I've gotten access to my human's computer so I could see what kind of, ah, "arrangement" we can work out. I have a nice big yard, live with a couple wussy kittehs, and one tough BT, my sis, Panda. She's taught me everything I know. Panda says we can offer you a large king bed to lounge about on and humans who will minister to your every need. Also, can you say "Doggy Disney World"? It's the dog beach! You could come and show us how it's really done, Twinkie-style. Uh oh, here comes a human, gotta go. Cracker Sadie

Pee.S I also sent u an email, my talents apparently have no limits!

The email:
Your Most Honorable Judge Twinkie,

Since I am new to the "Cracker Dog" syndrome, at least in my human's eyes, my entry was somewhat spontaneous. What can a humble Cracker Dog do to make this process, uhm, beneficial for us both? Massive comments and compliments on your blog, perhaps?

Your Biggest Fan,

Cracker Sadie

Yeessss! You're getting there.

On this happy note, Court is adjourned for the day

Twinkie V. Twinkerson

United Pet Blogdom District Judge

Bribery Reminder

¡Ay, caramba!You folks need constant reminders. You also don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation.

 

I, Judge Twink, a sworn judge, solemnly swear, on my little bro's life, that I shall take into grave consideration any and all cyber-bribes offered in regards to Mango Minster 2011. You crazy and lazy fur-balls better act soon.

The contest entry deadline may be midnight, January 30th, 

but don't wait until last minute . . .

 Or you'll put me to sleep and indirectly force me to declare your entry inadmissible.

Twinkie V. Twinkerson

United Pet Blogdom District Judge

The Age-Old Question

Age-old questions continue to entice scientists who have recently turned their attention to a little chihuahua puppy for answers. The main such question that concerns today's scientists, after "which came first, the chicken or the egg", is:

What tastes better?

 cat poo

OR

horse poo?

That is the question!

While British scientists claim to have solved

one of the great mysteries of life

(they have scientific proof that the chicken came first),

researchers from all over the globe are impatiently awaiting the tiny chihuahua's empirical response. 

Twinkie